Tired of feeling unappreciated, used, taken advantage of, etc...
I take amazing care of my SD7 (I have full responsibility for her all day on Saturdays and any other days) while my husband's working and pretty much the rest of the time and I try to be very involved with the 3 teenage skids as well because I want to. My husband says he appreciates what I do but I never feel it. And I keep having to hear from sd7 that her mom said she can't come here, she's only coming this one time, etc. She's here every single weekend but now her mom keeps telling her she doesn't want her to come because one time I yelled at her when she left the door open (after being asked to shut it 100 times) and the dog ran away and also because DH and I fight sometgimes when she's here. And a couple of other things to like sd7 said her mom said to send all her clothes home (I kept a FEW clothing items here) because sd7 packs her own suitcase and no one checks it so she comes here with clothes for the total opposite season, dirty clothes, clothes that don't fit at all even though she has tons of nice clothes. So, sometimes I will keep a few of the nicer things that actually fit and are for the right season here so that when she comes she doesn't look like a total slob like she does when she gets here. She's probably mad I make her shower and brush her teeth too (neither of which she does very much of at her mom's house).
I've been thinking lately how much mothers in general are unappreciated, but at least they are the bio mothers who chose to have those babies. I think it has to be harder to choose to take care (good care) of someone else's child and not only be unappreciated it but made to feel that every good thing you do means you're trying to take someone else's place or be better or whatever, anfd any little bad thing you to do is totally exaggerated. A total no-win situation. I guess I feel that I'm doing what's best for sd7 so that's all that matters. I never say a word to her about her mom but her mom does about me.
I think it has to be harder
I think it has to be harder to choose to take care (good care) of someone else's child and not only be unappreciated it but made to feel that every good thing you do means you're trying to take someone else's place or be better or whatever, anfd any little bad thing you to do is totally exaggerated.
Welcome to step parenting! I have been saying this for awhile. It really bothers me that everything I do for Munchkin is scrutinized because people have this "wicked step-mother" perspective that they are either trying to validate or disprove to themselves. I play with my Sd because I like to! I talk to her the way I do because that is the way I think she should be talked to. None of this is a game to me and I am certainly not trying to fill any role. I am nice but strict because thats just who I am. I would just as soon help any other child or straighten them out if they needed it.
I think its harder to be "Expected" to do something. That is the worse. I don't want anyone telling me "You have to love her". No I don't, I have to tolerate her. I love her because I do, not because I'm told to.
Yeah, exactly! When I'm with
Yeah, exactly! When I'm with my niece or nephew, or the other hundreds of kids I've taken care of, I treat them the same way: with love and respect because I think that's what all kids deserve. Not because I'm some evil person who is trying to steal away the role of "mother."
Quite the opposite, in fact, I'm always asking "How's your mom doing? How's her job?" have helped them pick out and make gifts for her, etc.
And just on a side note, WHY ARE MEN SUCH FREAKING IDIOTS???
Sometimes I sit and seriously consider divorce. But then I think that almost all of the men I know do the same stupid idiotic things my husband does. But he does do some good things. So what sense does it really make to get rid of one, then spend all my time looking for another one who's gonna do a lot of the same stupid idiotic things and probably some other ones, too.
The sad part is, even the I really do (mostly) like/love the kids, things would be about 75% better if they did not exist. I knwo that sounds awful, but it's tru. Of course he still wouldn't be perfect, but I'd have his love 100% of the time, not have to plan my life around some stupid idiot's schedule (BM), not have to share him, could be #1 in his life, would have a TON more money, could have my own place to live, my iwn family, own rules, etc.
And this is all after a really nice weekend, too, but I am so down now and it's freaking 6am now and I'm still up.
But someone posted something here that is sticking with me tonight:
WHEN I'M REALLY PISSED OFF AND FEELING LIKE I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ANYTHING< I SHOULD USE THAt time to THINK ABOUT MORE WAYS THAT I CAN STEP BACK BECAUSE STEPPING BACK IS REALLY HELPING ME.
It was my fault that all of thi shappened to night (not really), but instead of going to bring the kids home and taking a 7 hour trip, I could have just stayed home and rested and watched tv or whatever and would only have had to be woken up by DH getting home at 3am.
But, I really enjoyed the weekend with the kids and idn't want to be left home alone. What I really wanted was for DH and I to get into bed and cuddle, etc., and watch TV and relax and talk about our nice weekend. But either wat that wasn't going to happen. So, I guess it is better to stay home by myself and feel lonely and disappointed than to be stuck in the car feeling exhauseted for 7 1/2 hours. Great choices I have.
I think it would be helpful if I could plan something nice for mmyself to do so I don't feel let down wheneveryone leaves me by myself. It would be nice if a friend could come over and hang out for awhile, but I have no one who will do that.
Hi rubia, i think i posted
Hi rubia,
i think i posted on another blog you wrote. I think you should find another activity to do for the 7 hours when he is gone. Dont waste your times travelling....being a mother is a thankless job to begin with but even more so when its not your kids.
Go out to the movies, go shopping..havea coffee,,,,read a book, rent a movie! Endulge yourself!
In your mind you feel alone, reset your mind! Dont be trapped in a car for 7 1/2 hours! You have more choices! You dont have to be alone at home, you can go out! Andif your alone at home, there is nothing wrong with that. Take advantage of the quiet time. Think of vacation planning etc..etc...
And why do you say you have no friends? If not, go out and join a social group to make new friends!
you have more than two choice rubia.
I have come to realize
I have come to realize lately myself that being a SM is the worst job on the planet. I think to myself, is it this hard to have your own kids and the answer inevitably comes back NO. The reason being because they are YOURS and you can do as you please with them (for the most part) without someone judging you against someone else.
The only thing you can do is keep doing what you think is best and not let anyone tell you any different. SD7 doesn't know any better. The words that she repeats to you are just that - words. The thought behind them doesn't make sense to her yet. Ask her if she is happy? Bet she says yes and then you know you are on the right track.
I completely agree with huntermom2727 - I will not ever remarry unless there is lots of money & no CHILDREN! I've had my share of fun and once that's done, I'm not getting on that roller coaster ever again!!!!
The part that sickens me the
The part that sickens me the most is that the DH's think you want the responsibility of taking care of his child/children. I think of it this way, if you didn't have me I bet these kids wouldn't be around as much. Ultimatly at the end of the day the skids r ur responsibility once u say I do, and dammit I don't want to. Not all the time, I want to be bothered when I want to, not because I'm forced to.
Hi Rubia..I feel the same way
Hi Rubia..I feel the same way you do sometimes. My SD9 does the same thing to me and I get hurt and mad but at the end of the day I do love her and she is only a child with a messed up BM who tries to manipulate everything. She was coming to our house dressed like a slob and dirty, hadn't showered or brushed her hair or her teeth...anyway I started to buy her clothes for our house and now she has all her own clothes at our house and I told her BM to leave her suitcase at home because we have everything she needs at our house. Trust me I never speak to BM but I did that time and she was so pissed that we actually have clothes for her and I said yes we do have everything from winter boots to ski jacket, undewear, pg's and all other clothing..so yes her mom was mad as she felt we were trying to buy my SD off..what a dumb statement for this women to make. I simply did this so my SD wouldnt have to lug aroung a suitcase (we pick her up at school on Friday) and the clothes that she has at her moms are garbage..
I want my SD to see what it's like to have nice clean clothes..even though she doesn't appreciate it now..hopefully down the road she will..if I can keep my sanity...
Z
Rubia, I think you need to
Rubia, I think you need to tell yourself that you are doing a wonderful job in caring for your skids, especially SD7.Sadly you will not hear that from BM, who should be grateful that you take so much care of her children .It is always difficult, I am a BM, too, and when my ex was in a serious rs with somebody, I was very sceptical of that lady at first, but after a while I noticed that she was really nice to my children and I dropped my worry.Sadly many Smoms face BMs that are really unfair and manipulative and sadly that usually influences their kids, so SD7 trying to get BMs attention by telling stuff and exaggerating will fall on fertile ground.
I think you sound like a great SM, so in all that frustration, don't forget to look after yourself and treat yourself!!!!!