I can't fathom semi-adult spawn who would do that kind of crap.  In my parent's home we ate what was prepared and served or we didn't eat.  And woe to anyone who didn't eat what mom prepared.  Even if it was something we didn't care for we took a moderate portion and we ate it.  We respected mom and we appreciated her efforts.

We raised our son (my SS) to those same standards. Interestingly... my brother and his wife didn't. That caused some issues over the years when my illmannered Niece and Nephews spend time at my parents.  They would eat with their hands, put their elbows on the tale, even their feet, and they would make ugly faces if they didn't like something my mom prepared.  It took no time at all for my USMC dad to put a stop to that crap.  They sat up straight, they used their utensils, and they ate what was served.  The first shot across the bow of that crappy behavior was when my Niece scooted down in her chair at the dinner table and put her foot on the table while picking apart meat with her hands.  Dad wiped his mouth with his napkin, picked up his table knife, reversed it so the blade was in his hand and swacked her on the ankle bone with the heavy handle of the knife.  She about levitated.  My SIL came unglued over that.  My dad just nonchalantly turned to my brother and his wife and told them that if they taught their children how to not behave like animals there would be no further issues. 

Now all of their kids have impeccable table manners.  Our son used to look around questioningly when he saw his cousins being animals at the table. He would just shake his head and give his mom and I questioning looks.

I would have stopped cooking for either of them long ago were I you.

How does your BF react when they do this?

If he ignores the behavior I would probably try it out one night - make sure it is something that you know they won't eat.

If anything is said- I would send a weekly text with RSVP for dinner. Tell them you are tired of throwing out/making too much food. Let them know the menu for the week and ask for what nights they will be joining you.

Just plate your meals and serve to yourself and DH. 

I started doing this the last year YSD was coming over for visitation because she and DH were horrible at keeping me informed about her schedule, no matter how many times I asked. They acted like it was a huge affront and imposition for me to ask if she'd be home for dinner. 

She also reverted to some really childish behaviors from 17-18...and would request special trips to get wings, ice cream...etc. When I had plenty of food for lunch/dinner/dessert available. DH would always say yes and run out with her...even if I was about to put dinner on the table. After too many meals plated up for YSD and then gone cold...I quit cooking for her entirely. 

I remember one time, for dinner I plated up food for me and DH and brought it to the table in the dining room. 

DH (shocked): "What about YSD??!!! You didn't make her a plate!!!" 

Me: "She has legs. And hands. And money and a driver's license. I'm sure she can figure it out." 

He was so mad at me at first...but we were able to talk about it and he understood how frustrating it was for me to spend my time cooking a meal...never knowing who would be there when...or only to have him and YSD disappear to the store together. 

I agree you shouldn't cook for them, but I would give them the heads up. It's only fair. Tell them you'll cook one night a week, maybe for a family meal, but otherwise they're on their own. 

there are so many stories on here about skids refusing to eat what step parent cooks. Out of all the infuriating behavior, this one absolutely baffles me. I was not the perfect stepkid and am eternally grateful that my SM didnt drop me off in the country like a bad dog but I would eat the heck out of her food. It was a treat to sit at the table with my family and have whatever delicious dinner she put all that effort into. Secondly, my dad would have wrecked my day if I snubbed his wife's domestic efforts so blatantly. 

I guess in your case, be happy that mini wife SD is only making her own food and not trying to feed her dad, too, to undermine you some more. 

I would still cook the same amount. If it means leftovers so I don’t have to cook the next day, or lunch for me and DH great. I don’t make special meals for skid or my own kid period. 

What happens to the extra food if the kids don't eat it?  Do you or your husband take it to lunch the next day or eat it at another meal?  Is the issue that the food is going to waste... or is it not being wasted but you are offended that they don't like what you fix?

Honestly, in our home, once we got to be teens, regular meals with the family were rare and we usually cooked for ourselves.. or in my case, I ate at the restaurant that I had a job after school.  If we didn't want what mom cooked, we could make our own sandwich or whatever... but if it was a "family meal" my mom generally cooked things she knew we all liked and would eat.

If food is getting wasted because the kids aren't reliably eating with you two then I would use that as the starting point for a conversation with your DH.  Honey.. we end up throwing so much out because the kids don't end up eating what we fix.  What do you think we should do?  Maybe it's telling the kids that there will be one family meal a week.. maybe it's to officially tell them that they are on their own for figuring out dinner..since they seem to be doing that anyway.

Not sure how your relationship is with them, but what would happen if the four of you sat and had a talk about it. Saying "look, I work hard on meals so everyone has healthy food to eat, and when you opt out and aren't appreciative it hurts my feelings a lot." I would also suggest that each of them cook for the family once a week, including dad. Why should you be the only one to cook? Everyone can share the responsibility, work on cooking skills, and see what it's like to work hard on something and want a good response. You can also mix in the whole family cooking all together, each person owning a dish. Whoever doesn't cook, the rest of those individuals have to clean up the kitchen. Or, everyone can help clean to make it faster. What worked when I was a young adult with my dad's wife (and what I'm doing with SO's son) is making dinner an event that involves the whole fam from start to finish. This one thing actually helped my family become a lot closer and happier, because of how much is involved. You work together as a team, it's fun, when you make something amazing it makes you feel really good, parents feel great seeing the kids help, and everyone opens up and talks more. I know it sounds utopia-ish. If all else fails, have your SO do the talking with the brats and don't buy or cook anything they like, and just cook for you and your man.

SK are not eating your food.  You are not cooking for them. and it’s up to him to make sure the SK have food to cook.  Since you don’t know what they want, he can figure out what to buy them 

where i was expected by hubby to knock on his door and repeat myself 5-6 times at the door that dinner was ready and he could get some and all i heard was mumbling as he rudely never opened the door then i would tell him off i couldn’t hear what he said before being expected to repeat myself several more times before he opened the door

i finally told hubby i will not make an announcement dinner is ready because he knows i am prepping dinner when he comes to kitchen to dump the take away crap in the rubbish bin and he shouldn’t expect me to knock on his door and repeat myself multiple times because he can’t respectfully open his door. 

So i told hubby since he ignores me, complains about the parsley garlic butter in my chicken kiev and other things, is a total junkfood kind of boy, then i will cook what i want and its upto him to eat or not and grab from the fridge.

i told hubby this isn’t a united family as families should sit and eat together, you as a dad should tell your kid to come sit at dining table and eat with us and not eat in his bedroom, its just discusting and rude. His dad forced him to eat out at dining room even on his own and when he sees him bringing food to his room his dad tells him off

my mum we knew when dinner was ready we heard her bringing out the dinner plates and we all waited in kitchen. One day my brother addicted to computer games came 2 hours later, me and dad loved dinner and were so hungry and asked mum should we leave some for my brother and she said “hell no, eat what you want freely”. When he finally came 2 hours after dinner was ready he asked where dinner was and mum told him to eat his bloody computer and never again did my brother come out late

my honest belief is you should tell your partner as the parent he should be telling his kids that they will sit down at the dinner table and eat what you (their stepmum) has prepared. If they complain and say i’m full or oooh thats gross it has veggies and its steamed and healthy, they are made to sit and eat whats on their dinner plate. 

Telling and giving them the option to make whatever they want and not eat what you prepared is teaching them to disrespect you and your partner further because they do not respect and value the time and dedication you made to make this meal. You are the parents and adults, you tell the kids that they will sit and eat as a family. The kids do not tell the parents how things will be. Put them in their place. 

My husband started doing this a year ago and 19yr old ss sulked about it and tried to disrespect me and his dad by wanting to take his food to his bedroom, he was told no and forced to sit at the dining table...

I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to cook for yourself and BF. If they don't want to eat your food then they can just make themselves something to eat. I might buy stuff to make sandwiches if i'm being nice otherwise they can figure it out themselves. This will also be a great opportunity to see how your BF handles the situation and if he supports you.

We have 5 kids in our household with different taste. It's hard to please everyone especially my SS 17. He is not very fond of my cooking and makes it known and it used to hurt my feelings and upset me. I told  HH i was done trying so I stopped grocery shopping and cooking and we started eating out all the time.Once it started starting hurting hubby's pocket book it became babes you worry about pleasing me and if the kids don't like it they can make themselves a sandwich or ramen. I will ask if they like something that i'm planning on cooking and if they say no i make just what i need and if later on they want some, sorry it's all gone.

i went on one for 5 weeks. it was DH idea too. then SS14 had the audacity to text DH as he hopped in the car with SD19 to go to Taco bell ..."i think step mom is being lazy. shes not even cooking for us anymore. we have to go to taco bell"(which they didnt have to, they chose to)

DH texted him back and told him it was his idea and sent the screen shot to me. 

strike worked but my 2 kids-whom are minors- got tired and wanted me to cook again. so i attempted and it was strange because i was cooking for 3 and looked like i was ignoring skids. i dunno it just felt wierd and rude. but i would ask skids if they wanted a portion before i cooked and if they said no then i cooked for myself and my 2 kids.