Will the resentment and hatred ever go away?
I've only posted on here a few times. Sadly I need to vent again. I have a SD 17, just 3 months away from being an adult (honestly that's a joke in itself). Just a little backstory... I've been married for 13 years now together for 14. Did my best at doing her moms job because her mother is a fuck up. Raised her since she was 3. This girl has done nothing but give off the vibe of " your not my mom I don't have to listen to you" for 14 yrs now. So I disengaged. I made her father deal with everything in regards to her life because every time I have to deal with her all I have is resentment. I have nothing nice to say so I do my best to not say anything at all but today I blew a fuse.
I came home after running errands all day to a kitchen full of dirty dishes and used Kleenex on the counter. I said to her "ok clean up your mess and go watch tv upstairs because I want to watch tv in the living room". She rolls her eyes, slams dishes around in the kitchen and her father asked her what was wrong. As of right now I'm pissed and say, I told her to clean up her mess and go upstairs to watch tv because I wanted to watch tv in the living room. He snaps back at me saying I asked her and she rolls her eyes. I want to bitch slap her and kick her ass out I am so mad. After 14 yrs of this I'm counting down until she moves out and I'm having a hell of a time containing my hatred. It's so bad I don't want to be in the same room as her. He has the nerve to tell me to stop butting heads with her but doesn't address the fact that she's a rude, disrespectful, snotty little bitch. Yes I will admit there are times I shouldn't cross that line and say something nasty but it builds up and I have no outlet other than this place to let it out. We are both at the ends of our rope. She has no hope of going to college, she will be lucky to graduate high school. I don't want her living here much longer after she graduates. I hope she packs her shit and move with her mom.
I need her to leave for my sanity because I hate feeling angry every single day.
I am giving her boxes for her
I am giving her boxes for her 18th birthday. I've already told her dad as well. There has been one and only one chore she has ever had to do for the past 14 yrs that she lived with us and it was to clean her room. It has never been done. I'm going to walk to her room and say happy birthday! You are now an adult and we are no longer obligated financially to support you nor do I have to put up with your shit any longer. If you do no keep this room clean to my satisfaction, here are the boxes to help you pack, you will be evicted.
Speaking for myself, I didn't
Speaking for myself, I didn't become a full fledged adult at 18. Yes, I moved out, but emotionally, I still hadn't come out of all the hormonal, nutty teen crap.
It sounds like her "father" flunked miserably at his job of being a parent.
Maybe both of them should pack their $hit up and leave. Let him deal with her all on his own.
I'm pretty sure I didn't
I'm pretty sure I didn't become an adult until my 20s emotionally. If circumstances were different I'd have no problem letting her stay but she has no ambitions. I MADE her get a job because we told her were are not giving her any more spending money just because she was too lazy to work. She never did chores or even helped around the house. She's still doesn't have her drivers license because she likes having us drive her around. Hubby and I are both tired of her shit. Hubby admits he fucked up but it's too late now to fix. Time to cut his losses. I joke with him and say, I sure hope you don't expect her to help you once you get old. She will never help anyone but herself.
For awhile I have been
For awhile I have been pondering this thought and I am so aggravated with society's thought process.
I get mixed messages and it's aggravating.
As kids approach the age of 18 they are becoming adults but in the same breath I hear they are still kids. Which way do you want it ?? You want to say your an adult but you act like a child. So confused ~ I was taking the approach you over 18 now act like an adult. I feel like this philosophy give this kid/adults to act in appropriately cause society says your an adult. I am just so confused.
Is anyone else confused like I am ?? Society say 18 your an adult ~ might be in age but your behavior says way different. I can waiver ~ it's like we all believe 18 is the magically age. 18 cs stops ~ 18 says your an adult. 18 we say ~ we are not financially responsible for them. But then people say ~ she's just a kid. WTF ???
I feel for you! I also fear
I feel for you! I also fear this is what I have to look forward to. I have disengaged from my SD13 and she's only been living with us for a few months. She is so manipulative and such a liar I just can't deal with her. It is killing me to know I have 5 more years to look forward to. Sometimes I feel like taking my daughter and moving out. I'll cross my fingers for you... Because she is so close to being 18 I definitely would be a flaming butch so she doesn't think about staying any longer than need be! Ugh good luck.
I also have a daughter with
I also have a daughter with my husband, she is 13. It has been hard to get her to do things around the house also because she can see that her sister doesn't have to do anything. I had to sit her down and tell her, you are my daughter and I refuse to let you end up like your sister because she walked all over your dad. Even at 13 she can see though her sisters lying bs.
If you have the means available to support yourself and your daughter I say don't put yourself through hell for 5 yrs, move out. Unless hubby is going to do something to change the situation. I wake up every morning angry about something... She left dishes everywhere, bathroom trash has used pads sitting in it for the past 3 months and it smells but I refuse to dump it, brush your teeth your breath smells like poop, you need to shower you smell bad, etc.... They are things that you don't have to tell most people even other teenagers to take care of.
I wish I had a good paying job... I would of been gone years ago.
" Sometimes those kids are so
" Sometimes those kids are so damn street smart and manipulative that they are not really kids at all, except in age".
Exactly how I feel about my SD! I hate when her father says she's just a kid, umm no she is doing things a kid has no business doing. She tries to act grown so I treat her that way. No sympathy here, she's too manipulative and I'm done falling for her pity parties.
Oh I get that bullcrap too,
Oh I get that bullcrap too, "just kids" Um, they are 18 and 17.... both work and can manage that? Eff off, they can also manage to do chores and be respectful. Come on!
Absolutely!
Absolutely!