Why does it bug me so much (and hurt me) that my SS17 is as anxious to leave my house as I am to be rid of him? He has no respect for me or my things. (See "I need a sanity check" post.) He doesn't like me. I don't like him. I'm not even sure I love him anymore. I should be nothing but happy to be rid of him. But I'm perturbed at his level of contentment with leaving. I feel insulted by it. He doesn't get to be happy to leave. He's been such a drain, such a lazy, manipulative drain. I've raised him since he was 7, and he has ALWAYS been a lazy, manipulative drain. The good things that come out of his mouth can't be trusted. One time, his dad and I discovered he was researching (and hiding his research) into 'powers of persuasion through speech and tone and redirection'. He had notes on what manipulation techniques to use in his conversations with us. The boy is not right. But he knows the difference between right and wrong. He should feel some of the weight of a 12 year marriage coming to an end, shouldn't he? It's not all on him. Most all isn't. But the brutal fact is, some of it is. I'd like to meet the SM who can gracefully endure the sh** he has put me through. I haven't always been graceful, but I tried. Really hard. His own BM, who is a good woman, couldn't handle him. So where does he get off feeling relieved at another failed relationship? I don't know where the line is between innocent child and age of accountability, and maybe I shouldn't be, but damn it, I'm incensed that he gets to feel relieved while I'm devastated. I'm 37, no kids of my own, and starting over. And he IS part of the reason why. Where does he get off feeling more ready to go than I am to be rid of him? How do I let it go? Fuck, it hurts. I hate that it hurts.