Why do I hate my Stepson so much?
I've read many posts here but this is the first time posting. I gather from others post I'm not alone in my feelings about being a step-dad or my Stepson.
I have been married to my wife for 7 years, my first marriage and hers is her second. We have 3 awesome kids together, all younger than 5, but she has a 16 year old son from previous marriage.
I've tried so hard in the last 7 years to tolerate and be nice to the SS, but nothing is working.
I think I truly hate and despise him. He is so lazy, does nothing around the house, and stays in his room all the time. He invites his loser friends over, even when I object, but my wife let's him. We've caught him smoking Marijuana before, and have yelled at him before.
He has his drivers license now but when he had only his permit he had stolen are car before and went out with his friends. Only way we found out is because the cops called us at 2am because he was pulled over for not having his headlights on. We had to drag all the little kids out in the middle of the night to go get him
He disrespect me, and always go to my wife to ask for things or money. She never asks me before saying yes. I am the one working and my wife stays at home with the kids. It makes me so mad when she give him money or buys him stuff without asking me. Like $150 for a recent tuxedo rental for prom...
We've asked him to mow the lawn and he wants us to pay him! What about the free room and board and food he gets?
Sorry for the ranting but I've gotten to the point I don't even talk or engage with my SS anymore. If I do it usually ends up in a huge argument.
I've threatened to send him to his biological father, but the SS will say no, and my wife won't let him go because the BD is a even bigger loser. So if I ever threaten to send the SS away he knows it's all empty threats and say "I'm not going anywhere"
Like some other people have posted here, when I see his face I get visibly angry and get a sick feeling in my stomach. I can't even stand the sight of him.
My wife tells me I am the adult and should try to be nice to him. But I've tried so many times and it's not worth the effort. I work so much as it is on my days off I don't want to deal with him.
My only saving grace is that he is almost done with his junior year in high school, and once he graduates he's out of my house. If not I'm not sure if I can take it anymore.
Well, the tux thing IS on you
Well, the tux thing IS on you guys, all of us have to pay for that.
Is your wife on the same page as you with him leaving when he's 18? Because if he's "failure to launch" like so many of these skids, she has to be willing to push him out of the nest. For your sanity, sure, but for his best interest as well. Make SURE she's on the same page as you about this, then the next 1 1/2 will be easier to bear. Good luck.
Thanks for the comments guys.
Thanks for the comments guys. Yes my wife is on the same page that once he graduate high school he is out.
Right now he's spoiled and doesn't have to do anything to get what he wants. I can't wait, and actually counting down the days, when he leaves and is on his own. Then he will know what the "real world" is like. He's about to graduate high school and haven't even discussed college, who he wants to go into career-wise, etc.
For example, he actually had a job at a pizza place for a while. But quit because "they weren't giving him enough hours " what a bunch of crap. If so, he'd be actively looking for another job. But just ends up skateboarding off with his loser friends, and no job. He thinks he's so cool in high school and that's all that matters.
My wife and I have discussed our parenting... I'm probably too strict but she admits she's too lenient. I'm gonna make Damn sure my own kids will be raised right and not be spoiled like my SS. What a spoiled brat.
My wife has said a lot of my resentment toward my SS is because of his BD, since the SS is named after his biological dad and when I see his stupid name I actually get pissed inside. This may be true but doesn't change how my SS is and acts. Either way cannot wait until he leaves my house.
3 kids in seven years -
3 kids in seven years - you've kept her pregnant and barefoot haven't ya? I hope you've cut off the family jewels from having contact with the rest of the world. Literally.
Sounds like a typical teenager to me. I 'stole' the old mans 2nd car every time 'they' went out to a meeting or a meal. I didn't even have a learners permit but it was a semi-rural area. Your problem isn't with the kids name it's because you're trying to parent a kid who refuses to accept your authority - which by the way you have none.
Take mama aside in private and produce a copy of this article you'll have read and printed out then put it into effect:
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Orange County, Ca, just
Orange County, Ca, just because you were a loser and stole the old mans care every time they went out does not mean that is normal. The problem is that mommy is guilt parenting and is letting sonny get away with things that normally she wouldn't. As far as how many kids they had in what period of time, is none of your business. From the looks of it you are in no position to give a directive to anyone. Print that out bud.
your biggest challenge...
...is really your wife. She acknowledges that she is too lenient, but then repeats bad parenting habits. She says at 18 he's out of the house, but do you think she'll really follow through? I would suggest getting to a counselor soon. You two have to be on the same page, or atleast come to an agreement about your parenting of SS and rules for your joint home. If he takes the car again, his permit/license is gone. If he smokes weed, his phone gets taken away. If he rude to you or your wife, he's grounded. He sounds like a lot of teens we read about on here - if you had your wife backing you up and being a strong, consistent parent, your stepson's teenage antics would be far more tolerable for you.