The turtle is going to win the race ugh!
What a romantic time for these two today. Both of them walked together on the seashore, dipping their feet in the waves, collecting sea shells, and collecting sea glass. Where was I ? Oh, walking behind them being totally ignored and trying to keep up. I decided to go my own way and watched from afar as daddy was so excited his teenage mini-wife was showing him an ounce of attention. he totally forgot about me being there. It was even time to go and I looked up and they were halfway to the car and didn't even wait for me.
Oh yes, I was remembered thou to swipe my card for gas, swipe my card for sd beverage, and swipe the card for ice cream. As soon as we got home sd headed to the bedroom and back to totally ignoring daddy. So, you guessed it I know have his attention and time. In my head, I'm thinking go f yourself and take her with you
Bm is getting all the baby bonus and the kid stays here weeks at a time. The kid never comes out of the room unless she wants something. I know, he has his unconditional love glasses on when it comes to her. I see right threw her thou and that makes me hateful, resentful, and hard to like her. She's only here because she has a room of her own, gets to stuff her face, gets served meals into her room by the idiot hubby, and can do whatever she wants.
Bm calls after weeks and wants her to visit for a day or so ( isn't that strange she isn't supposed to be living here humm? really? could have fooled me !! ) I have a large back hallway and we keep a pc out there and a few chairs. I was on the computer when sd came out with the hubby. Sd starts telling hubby she needs him to drive her to far away appointments because bm can't come up with the gas money. I'm like wait a minute kid, the car here is mine and who the hell are you to think I have no say in where my car goes? I couldn't help it I questioned her on it. I said to sd, well I'm sure she can come up with the money for gas to take you. to your appointments. Oh no, mom has no money at all so dad will be taken me, Really, again, who the hell are you to tell me where my car will go and when? I mean, tell your mother to start spending the family allowance she is getting for you on you because I'm not seeing any of it...
Add insult to injury as soon as she left an argument with him. Well, her mother doesn't have any money because the idiot living there lost his job again and she's having a hard time. Ok, so why is this my problem? I thought to myself I'm living with you and you don't pay your share not alone the sd share.
I know on the weekends I'm off I don't ask to go anywhere. She knows now that when we go out she will be getting something so she will want to come. I'm done paying for him to wine and dine his mini-wife.
Can you believe it, I own a car, pay his insurance, and pay a lot of the gas, and upkeep of the car. I don't even drive. I'm working on getting my license now. When I get my license my @ss is going to be gone all weekends. It is hard to work on an exit plan when I own the house and the car. I need to get my license first so when he starts to argue about anything I can just get in the car and go away for a don't have to listen to him gaslighting me, blaming me, etc. I mean the guy just won't leave no matter how many times he has been asked. I told him to get an apartment and take sd with him. Deep down he really knows that he couldn't give sd everything she gets now without my income. The truth is sd wouldn't even come visit him anymore if she wasn't getting what she gets her now. Somewhere in his pea brain mind, I think he knows that
I'm tired of feeling guilty, I'm tired of being told by family or friends that kids come first. and I'm tired of people who have their own children telling me this. I don't have any children, and I don't have to unconditionally love a kid that is a user and only sees me as an atm and nothing more
I know, this relationship was over years ago. He is never going to change because in his mind I am the bad guy. I just want to get out of this house and not have to listen to him shooting his mouth off at me. Yes, I know I let him use me because I am worn out and on the verge of a mental breakdown and can't deal with him and his mouth anymore, I figure, the first step is to get my license so when he starts I can just get in the car and not have to listen to him Wish he just go away and take her with him sighs tys for reading of you made it to the end of this
If he won't leave, have him
If he won't leave, have him evicted.
Keep your car keys on you at all times and refuse the use it for her appointments. They won't like that? Not your problem.
Cut off all access to your finances if you share an account. Make sure he can't take out a credit card on that account if you do.
Cut off all access to his comforts.
Thank you for your awesome
Thank you for your awesome advice
The thing is I work from home. I work the night shift. I would be more than happy to do everything you suggested, I know, how it would go he would not go away and let me sleep in the daytime, he would be in my face all day arguing with me, and I would get no sleep because he will not go away, The low blows would start, and id be mentally worn out by time by the time I needed to log in for work at midnight, and he likely wouldn't let up even if I were working, ugh!
I have called the police to remove him they won't. They tell me to get a lawyer I'm trying to get the money together for that but it ain't easy. I don't tell my family any of this because they just wouldn't understand because they have awesome kids and husbands. I'm at the point now to get away from his mouth that If I could drive I would likely start living out of my car and only come home to work my shifts.
I just cannot cope with him in my face when I put my foot down. It's a cop-out but I just cannot handle him chasing me around the rooms, will not go away or back down, telling me what a miserable person I am and what has sd ever done to you, and on and on ... I cannot deal with a stressful job all night and being chased around my house with his low blows. He will not stop or back down .. I'm very close to a mental breakdown and i cannot deal with him shooting his mouth off ..
Try the police again
When he starts following you from room to room and verbally abusing you (because that's what it is), call the police and tell them he's harassing you and that you are SCARED! They HAVE to do something if you are afraid. Once they haul him off to cool off, immediately rekey the locks.
Also, find out what it will take to evict him. You might not need a lawyer ...
Have you tried to get a free first consultation with a lawyer? The money will be easier to get together if you can't if you no longer finance his and his kids' fantasies ... (circular problem, I know).
Finally, start talking about this around you. People need to understand what you're going through.
cameras. if you can, get some
cameras. if you can, get some low budget cameras so you have proof of his bully behaviors. I hope you keep posting as you go through this. That folks here have great advice and those like me who have little advice do care and will give you support as you try to steer through this.
First.. figure out how to
First.. figure out how to financially separate yourself from him. do not have any of your money in a joint account. if you have a joint Credit card.. then close it.. if he is an authorized user on any of your accounts.. cut him off.
Your may not be able to force him to pay his share of the housing and utilities in your name.. but you can keep him from dipping into your pockets for other things.
You can buy only the most basic groceries.. no expensive treats.. no beer for him.. no special food for her.
ramen noodles.. macaroni cheese.. spagetti noodles.. if he wants more than that.. he can buy it.
I am kind of confused why you don't drive.. yet you own a car? did he talk you into getting that for him? did you used to drive but lost your license?
also.. your family loves you right? I'm assuming they would be horrified to learn you were suffering in silence while they did nothing to help you.
Unless you have made it a habit of asking your family to bail you out.. would any of them possibly be able to help you get the funds for the lawyer to get him out?
Thank you all for the advice
Thank you all for the advice
I bought the car when covid hit and it was near impossible to get my license at that time. I had every intention of getting my license asap. Then the rules were put into place and I insured the car in his name for the car could be used. That's how that happened
I could ask my sisters for help but to be honest, I'm embarrassed I let this get to this point :(
I have offered him an easy out ( don't pay anything for a few months, save your money, and use the car to move with but he will not take the easy way out he just will not leave peacefully
Enough is enough maybe its time to get my family involved because I cannot seem to do this on my own
Please don't be embarrassed
Please don't be embarrassed and let pride get in the way of you getting out of this situation. Ask for help.
1000%
1000% agree.
Ask for help. You might find out that your family have some underlying feelings that there's a problem but don't know how to ask you if you need help.
I think letting your family
I think letting your family know what is happening will be a good thing for multiple reasons.
1. they may already have some idea.. or at the very least may not care for him or his daughter.. but were being "nice" to not cause discord with you.. once you let them know.. they likely will be relieved they can finally support you without you getting mad.
2. Even if they can't necessarily lend money or whatnot.. at the very least.. putting this out in the open will make it a lot harder for you to go back and waffle on kicking them out.
3. They may be able to get you monetary support.. or advice that could help you get through this.. they could also maybe confront him.. be with you when you give him his marching orders (keep everyone safe.. in public.. etc..)
It is definitely time to get
It is definitely time to get your family involved. Seek their help. Sure, it might be a little embarrassing, but you might also be surprised what your family already knows and sees. In any event, it's worth some embarrassment to get rid of this jerk and his mini-wife.
Take your life back
Start standing up for yourself. Get a eviction order. Get them out of your life. It's your life, you only live it once. Eventually you get old and died. You really want to give up your life for those two. No.
To me, the obvious question is... why did you keep swiping your
card?
Don't do that.
Next time, you drive and if they ignore and abandon you, leave them where they are and go do what you want to do. They can Uber back to the house to find that their key no longer works.
As for your license... when you get it... make sure your ass is gone permanently. Or more accurately, they are gone permanently. You are an adult. It will take a day to get your license and if you are not ready for the test, sign up for a training and licensing class and get it done. NOW!
Why would you putrify one more second of your life by continuing to tolerate the shallow and polluted gene pool of this failed man, failed partner, and faild father and his toxic spawn at all?
Save yourself. Dump them and get on with a great life.
Take care of you.