teen asked for a debit card
so we are moving away to try and reduce the conflict between my DH and biomom (the courts won't do a damn thing so we are out of options). SD14 asked for a flipping debit card last night! she said something like "when you move its going to be hard for me to get things i need, so I was wondering if I could have a debit card maybe?" Like she is so clueless about how child support is there for her mom to buy these things for her, she knows her mom won't buy them. She won't even buy her tampons, they all get hoarded from our house and brought over there. I'm currently setting my bet for how long she will put up with her mom at about 6 months bc SD's phone and computer are going to crap out any day now. Hell, I don't know if biomom will be able to put up with SD either because DH and myself are the usual punching bags for emotional problems and we won't be nearby to start shit with. If she moves over to our house its going to be a world of strict rules and pitching in, period. No more of this hand holding BS. I want to make a responsible adult out of her and so does her father but its impossible with biomom undermining everything with her 1/2 of the parenting time. This move is going to be the best hing that has ever happened to our relationship and I can't wait to get there already.
DH said he made it clear, but
DH said he made it clear, but I am guessing that its going to take multiple times for her to understand that the parent you are with the most is supposed to be providing for you. that's their job and they are a grown up so there is no reason they can't, right?
Luckily the attorney appointed to SD has some sense, he won't allow for her to ping pong back and forth I am sure. He is also fighting the weird things biomom is trying to put into an agreement. Mostly she is trying to get her felon brother moved back in with her and its just not going to happen lol. We aren't signing anything. the state has a default schedule that gets put in place once one of the parties moves out of state.
Actually, perhaps a debit
Actually, perhaps a debit card isn't a bad idea.
If child support doesn't have to be paid to a government agency and you are doing it on your own (my ExH and I had that kind of arrangement), and BM isn't buying SD14 what she needs with the money that's supposed to be for her...why not set up an account in both their names? Get them each a debit card. You can get debit cards with two different numbers that go to the same account. You'll be able to tell if BM is spending the money on herself and if SD is able to spend the money.
Not sure your DH wants that much strife since you're moving to end some of the issues. But, it would be a way to pay child support and give your SD access to the money so she can get what she needs. Perhaps don't watch the account but let SD and BM figure out they can see what each other is buying and they can hash it out.
If you do an automatic deposit and there's no overdraft protection then if they use all the money before the next payment, tough.
biomom literally asks for
biomom literally asks for support plus half of anything she can send us a receipt for. It is what she is used to more or less I guess, but the free ride is over. the entitlement attitude and bad spending habits area strong in SD so i don't think she would provide for herself if she got a debit card. I can see her buying music and electronics and jewelery while eating potato chips 3 meals a day and not washing herself or changing clothes. we have given her advances before to buy specific things and it was a nightmare, crying and begging for more $$ and refusing to do agreed upon chores and breaking the hting she got an advance for before its even paid off etc. we are done. shes got to be away from the bad example for this to change at all imo. Her mom throws tantrums until her family members rescue her too so there isn't really a way to explain that its not going to work that way when she sees it working all the time, right? Not only that but biomom would never allow us to pay SD instead of her. In her mind child support is for her personal use. the first time that we traded finances bc of litigation biomom was spending 800 dollars a month on a car payment (and not for a high end vehicle either, her credit is that bad), and the CS payment was almost that exact amount.
SD has been going to therapy and the therapist says she has very low insight.
Ah. Then no, no way. May even
Ah. Then no, no way.
May even be pointless to explain child support...except to note that it stops when she's no longer a child.
"I provide CS to your mother.
"I provide CS to your mother. She will provide anything that you need. Ask her. When you are visiting me, I will provide what you need. You can babysit, mow lawns, etc.. if you want extra money to buy things you want. You are 14 not 4. Time to start figuring these things out my dear. Nope, no credit card."