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stepdaughter says she was molested but her family still lets them hang out and they are still friends....this is not normal.

bmgreenman's picture

:? My stepdaughter says that when she was about 12 her 14 year old female cousin was molesting her. At the time she was living with her mother, aunt, and cousin. Apparently the mother walked into the girls room and saw them touching each other sexually and went hysterical, at which point we got a phone call from her mostly ranting about faith and homosexuality, but even after the incident she did not kick out the offending cousin or report it to the authorities. Don't get me wrong molestation is a serious crime and should be punished but as more information comes to light it makes me question this claim and many other behaviors by my step daughter. I'm not a psychologist and don't have any children of my own so I wanted some outside perspective. For example she is still friends with this cousin even after she accused her of molesting her they are constantly chatting online and when I asked her why she would be friends with somebody who abused her her response is always because it's family, which seems to be sufficient for her biological mother side of the family but jjust seems crazy to me. Another pecular thing is before the accusations came about she brought her cousin to visit us and they wanted to shower together, when my husband told her that he wasn't comfortable with that and they were too old to be bathing together my my stepdaughter argued to be able to do so. In the end we didn't allow it but that also seemed strange to me. Now her biological mother is suspected of having mental illness, and I'm not just saying that as the current wife, she is also borderline fanatical when it comes to religion. I'm wondering if her immediate reaction of hysterically shouting things about Jesus and just generally crazy homophobic statements may have caused her to falsely accuse her cousin of molestation when it was something they were participating/experimenting together. Any thoughts? And now any time she exhibits bad behavior she blames it on being molested and her father wasn't there but on the other hand your still best friends with the person who molested you. I don't want to be the evil stepmother but I think she is being dishonest and manipulative. I think that early on she learned that if she plays a victim there will be no consequences. Two more examples are we had an incident where her father asked her to clean up her dishes, she flew off the handle saying he was calling her lazy and she punched him in the face three times and he had to restrain her, and after all that how she described the situation was he called her lazy and choked her out. I was a witness to the entire situation and it didn't happen like that and it makes me far for our freedom that she can make accusations so Willy nilly. The other example, although way less severe, is she is falling her math class and instead of studying, or going to tutoring she says the teacher disrespect s her and singles her out and this I know is a down right lie. Any advice is appreciated and again I take crimes against children seriously but these stories just don't add up. I don't want to do anything to damage this child further but I'm sick of the manipulation and her constantly acting like a victim.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I would have to agree that there is something really strange about the whole situation! Either she was not molested, and the sexual touching was consensual, or she was molested and someone is manipulating her into believing that it is okay because it was family. 12 is not too young these days to have sexual curiosities. I am Christian, but I still have too many questions about why people turn to same sex partners. Something I pray about for answers, while in the mean time I simply try to love and understand while not passing judgements. If the girl is confused, curious, or believes herself same sex oriented, it is very possible BM's religious rant scared her, and to avoid losing favor in mom's eyes, she is claiming molestation. Without the girl seeing a therapist the r such that she truly trusts, one may never know what is really going on.

My opinion is that this girl should definitely see a therapist! If she is being abused and being told to hide or accept it, she needs to know that it isn't right. If she has questions about her own sexuality, a therapist could help her if she is merely confused, or help her deal with the issues one who is same sex oriented may face (dealing with ridicule from society, coming out to friends and family, etc). This is a super touchy subject, and one that can leave a person scared or finding that they really do have people in their life who care!

bibleofdreams's picture

it is def molestation is one kid is initiating it and its sexual not exploratory. this happens all the time with kids who get molested, they think its normal so they do the same thing to other kids. Believe me a lot of people are damaged by being molested by kids the same age (or close to the same age).

bibleofdreams's picture

kids who molest other kids were usually molested themselves first. If I were a betting person I would bet that the older girl's mother or father is okay with incest and I would try to keep your SD as far from them as possible.

Stormyweather's picture

I don't view what you described as being molested....to me it sounded more like exploratory by both parties.