SO Irritated right now...very long jsut need to vent
:jawdrop:
So after confronting my SD, about stealing my jacket, she gives it back by throwing it at me. I tell her that if she steals from me again that I will be calling the police. She throws a fit and I tell her I know she hates me and she has every right to feel how she wants, but she WILL respect me. Well today husband and I have to go do a few things so we leave her with the girls and to pick up. Our car was having trouble so a little while after being gone we finally get back to get the babies. I walk in an the house is completely trashed, the toddler had an accident and it is ALL over ALL the clothes in her bedroom and on the floor, and is almost blistered from the rash. I simply get the babies changed and pack up some stuff and come back to my sisters house. I am helping her set up for her Halloween party tomorrow and going trick or treating Monday. Before I leave she has the nerve to ask me if she can go to a friends house...REALLY?? I told my husband that that is an isse..he says HE will clean it all and take care of it. He said he knows she is being terrible but we have already taken everything away from her he just doesn't know what to do, she will not do ANYTHING. That pisses me off so much, it makes me sick.WTF am I supposed to do, I mean he is behind me 100% and he DOES realize there is a problem, but how are you supposed to make it stop/?? are you just supposed to live with complete chaotic and stressful situations simply because she doesn't listen..so she gets to do what she wants?? I know he is in a hard place right now, and he works so doesn't see most of how she acts or what she does, only hears it from me, but seriously come on, enough is enough... How do I make this stop? At this point sending her back to her mother s not an option, I want to help her, her mother is horrible and is the reason she is the way she is..but what do you do? 
When you say you have taken
When you say you have taken everything away from her --- has she lost her bedroom door? lightbulbs? radios? ipod? telephone? computer? television? (you see where I'm going with this?) Keep cutting more and more out until she gets it through her head you all mean business. Your husband cannot give in now and send her to her friends' house -- this is what she wants! This is the difficult part right now. You both have to stand your ground. It's like when they are 2 years old and throwing a fit -- if you give in, they will realize that their behavior has rewards....if you wait out the hissy fit, it will pass and your discipline will have the hopefully desired effect you need it to. With teens its just harder because they are bigger, they are more difficult than a 2 year old, and the stakes are higher.
You guys need to be united as a couple and stand your ground! She needs to understand she will continue to lose more things the more she continues with this bad behavior. She can start earning back these things as she starts earning back trust. Trust is like a bank account -- it is earned. She needs to start earning trust again. --- first off by cleaning up the big mess she made while you were out. Your husband is enabling her by cleaning the mess for her.
My husband is famous for doing what your husband is doing. We are in counseling now. Thankfully. And I'm hoping and praying it will save our marriage.
Well first of all, I hope
Well first of all, I hope that y'all get the help you need to make it through!
As of now, she has had her phone taken away for a month now. She hasn't left the house other than to go to school in about the same time. She did have her computer and sterio taken away but if we are gone more than 5 minutes she is on the computer anyway and has taken her sterio back. But when I say we have taken everything away that means, she would get in trouble and we would take something away and it just would not affect her. I am going to suggest we take everything from her for one month. In that month we can all work on finding a common respect for each other. She needs to learn boundaries and respect. After a month after showing us all of this she will start getting the little things back. I don't know but I can't take much more. I just feel my life slipping furthur away each moment. My husband never used to argue over anything that we did not work out in a day or two. I know he is trying and he understands there is a problem, I just don't know what to do to get him to do something more about it...
Your SD sounds like my SD13.
Your SD sounds like my SD13. In that immediate situation I would have told her "When you clean up the mess you left from taking care of the kids, then you can go to the friends house." No clean, no friends.
she has done it twice, this
she has done it twice, this last time was to buy her ahlloween costume..