My husband had started building our marital home when he met me it was half built, he hadn't decided on the designs. Then he met me and was super serious.

it had been 5.5 yrs since his divorce and he felt he could see us being married. He truly wanted my input on designs/interiors/ furniture/cabinets etc.

hubby moved in a week before our wedding. It has never been ss and hubbys home because ss was 15.5 when i met hubby and didn't wanna live in it because its out of the city which me and hubby love. I made it clear to my husband i would not be taking care and maintaining a home that i and my 2 kids with hubby was made to regularly feel i was not welcome in by adult ss.

it got to a point 3-4 yrs into marriage i had enough and couldn't do it and told hubby he had 2 choices. This shi* with adult ss in his early 20s had not improved even 3 plus yrs on and it was clear it never was going to and i was not gonna sit back and suck it up. So either hubby kicks ss out of home or he buys a new one for me and our 2 minor kids to live in peace, privacy and harmony. 
 

hubby went with 2nd option and bought a house overseas as i was finishing my university studies and our kids were going to school in my country and we did the fly back and forth. I made it clear to my husband since we had only spent 10 days together in the past 2 yrs due to my country's harsh border closures and hubby not able to get a flight in due to flight caps, that end of this yr if i were to fly back to malaysia, adult ss was not gonna be there if hubby wanted us in that home. 

we've been married over 7.5 yrs and nothing has changed. ss and sd's made it crystal clear we are not family and they be able to treat us like crap just because they can. Hubby assured me ss would be out. He had been warned 2 yrs ago that he would not be participating on any family holidays with us because nobody wanted their holidays ruined by his miserable self and toxic negative energy.

i made it clear to my husband that if ss wanted to be the miserable negative toxic arsehole he is, to do it far away from us. Take your control back and stop being treated like a doormat. Any man who treats you like one has no respect for you!!

That is a really powerful release of emotions and if someone truly felt that marginalized, it should signal a need for them to get out of that situation if there is no way to change it.

I would just say one thing regarding "needs".  In the whole hierarchy of priorities. a MINOR child's NEEDS come before an adult's needs and certainly before an adult's wants.  I am terming needs not in an emotional sense as much but more in a physical sense.  Children are a priority to feed, clothe, shelter.  An adult should be able to do these things for themselves.. a minor child cannot.  

Do not get me wrong... I'm not saying kids always "come first" and get the best of everything and you are left with nothing.. I'm talking about basic needs to sustain life.. So.. if the kid is getting designer handbags and filet mignon and you are being told to be happy with no shoes and a slice of wonderbread.. that's wrong.. but as an adult, you should hopefully be able to sustain your own needs.. and your partner's priority would be sustaining his children's needs.. then his own.. and finally helping you with yours if you need that help.  

In families.. there are often constantly shifting priorities.. sometimes one person's needs trump someone else's.. everyone may need to compromise.. and no one should be "getting their way" 100% of the time.  But that is more along the lines of Wants.. not basic needs.. which for minor children they can't go out and get for themselves... they rely on their parent's to provide those.