SD16 sexually active and cutting
I'm not gonna lie, I snoop, I snoop in my SD16 room all the time. I started 3 years ago when she moved in when DH and I got married. My DH knows I do it and he is against this but I don't care. He is the type of man that thinks she is so innocent and wonderful and does nothing wrong; he said since the day she was born and placed in his arms, she turned into his princess and she sits on a pedestal :sick: Anyway, today I decided it was that time again and I came upon a spiral notebook of letters she and her friend write back to each other. Juicy stuff, I even went to get some cookies knowing I'd be there awhile. Anyway, I learned that she is bisexual which I always suspected and she has had many boy/girl friends at one time and although she "loves" them, she cheats and hooks up with others. I don't know about you but hooking up to me means having sex. She told her friend in detail that when she is with her now boyfriend, they make out a lot and recently they were together topless and he was licking her nipples. The time after that her pants were off and his hand was between her thighs and they have also been dry humping. I'm I wrong but I have a major problem with this? My DH drops her off at her boyfriends house only because we are told the mother is home. Ummm, I'm thinking not so much. I know for sure, my DH would NOT be happy with this situation and I certainly do not want any more children, I made sure to have my tubes tied. This info came after learning that SD goes on skype naked or in her bra and panties with the boyfriend, that did concern me but now not as much as learning she is sexually active. Maybe you're thinking she's 16 and that's ok? She's a new 16, her birthday was 2 months ago. What am I supposed to do with this information? Tell my DH or say nothing? Here's my next concern and this is a biggie too, she's cutting. I always suspected it, I have seen things about it before in my snoops and I have mentioned it to my DH before and he confronted her but she said it was poems she writes and she's very into dark things.Even back then, I noticed her supposed writings but she saves a ton of pictures on her computer of cut up writs, I find that abnormal but my DH thinks nothing of it. Getting back to today, she wrote to her friend that she's been very depressed and she's been using scissors or the razor in the shower to cut herself. She goes on to say how she likes picking her scabs on her legs so she can watch herself bleed. She also said that she wants to drink in the middle of the night, she sees beer in the fridge or a bottle of vodka and she wants to pour it in her soda and get drunk. I am upset and disturbed by this behavior. So, I called the therapist that we went to see last week to voice my concerns and although there is another appointment that was made for this thursday that DH wanted us to go to, why I dont know how to tell DH that SD needs to go back to therapist to talk about these issues. How do I tell him that his daughter is sexually active but more importantly that his daughter is cutting?? Do I say anything at all? Or should we all just go to the appointment and I bring it up? My mother seems to think if DH is at the appointment that she wont speak and if she does, she will be lying and he will believe her. The therapist said she can not bring it up, I have to, but she also said that if it turns out to be something bad she is going to have to put her in a hospital. I honestly don't know what to do. Any advice please? Thanks.
Just tell him, "I know you've
Just tell him, "I know you've asked me not to snoop, but I did. I'm concerned about her and couldn't help it. This is what I've found..." Then let him handle it and quit snooping. That's his job.
I would say just tell him,
I would say just tell him, and pray that he doesn't stick his head in the sand like my DH! I don't blame you for snooping. You suspect something is going on, and dear dad is blind to it all. Unfortunately, we steps have our hands a bit tied...if the bio-parents will not listen, and the step-child is dead set against listening to anything you have to say because you are just viewed as an intruder in their life and/or the b***h, there is not much we can do but sit back and watch the drama unfold, or leave the relationship. If you catch her in the act of cutting, I would do what others have suggested to me...call 911! What can DH say then? I mean, if you walk in to find her doing harm to herself, you have no other choice...tell him, "Would you rather I let her bleed to death?"
I'm know exactly what you are going through! SD14 cuts when she wants attention, and has definite signs of an eating disorder, but DH will not listen. She recently got caught sneaking out at BM's house again (I'm sure to go smoke pot, as is usually the case), and BM found new cut marks. These didn't happen at our house, as SD14 has been the whole last two weeks going between BM's and MIL's because she wanted to go to this church camp thing, and MIL was making sure she got there. She also went all over the internet and elsewhere spreading a bunch of lies that have hurt pretty much everyone in the family. DH is doing nothing to address any of these issues! His response? "She just wants attention!" Then, he goes overboard in the attention department, even so far as waiting on her hand and foot like she has two broken legs or something! So, basically, he is rewarding the bad behavior rather than seeking real help for the child and letting her know that her outbursts will not be tolerated.
Ummm wait a second, where in
Ummm wait a second, where in this entry does it say that your your SD is sexually active? I read your SD16 is exploring her sexuality and at 16 most kids are.
What needs to be done is she needs to be put on birthcontrol or there needs to be a conversation in reference to her father favoring her being on bitch control so that when the time is right she comes to you or DH and tells you she needs it and by the way that should be given no questions asked.
I was sexually active at 16. I dont remember if I was 16 and 2 months or 4 months or 6 months. But I was 16.
I have two daughters their both 14. I fully expect they will be active by that age if not well on the brink.
You should tell your husband
You should tell your husband about all of it. Get her on birth control for sure, and not the pill, the injection so that you know for sure she is protected. This girl sounds like she needs help, especially if she is wanting to drink (escape) and is cutting herself. Even the sexually promiscuous behavior is disturbing because there are so many partners in so little time. Someone needs to step in -- she needs to understand that this kind of behavior is alarming and is so harmful to her mental health. I don't care if lots of kids are experimenting sexually -- it's still not ok. It wasn't ok that I was doing it when I was 16 years old.
I snoop too. I do it because
I snoop too. I do it because I was once a teen.
I digress.
I'd have the first appointment be just you and your dh. He needs to get his head out of his arse. The kid has some major problems wether he chooses to acknowledge them or not.
I did the same thing a few
I did the same thing a few months back but ours was all electronic. I took the laptop the school had given her and read it and then showed it to DH, it bursted his bubble about how perfect she was, and now we pretty much see eye to eye on all issues with her. We took away the laptop except for what she absolutely needed. I think that's pretty much the first step. Then I searched her room for razors as she told friends that she was cutting and asked her where her razors were. Then we got her into therapy and she's been there since. We also found things of a sexual nature, but of course she denied it. All of this was at the end of the school and we found out that she uses school as social hour and of course can't wait to go back at this point I'm out of ideas.
Tell, tell, tell!!! Get that
Tell, tell, tell!!! Get that girl some counseling because she is looking for attention in the wrong way. She will be pregnant before she graduates high school if your not careful.