back to Square 1 with BD8 behavior and SD15 and $$$$$$
I just need to vent.
Manipulative sd15 started coming around the past few weeks. About 4 times in 3 weeks, Of course disney/guilty dad is convinced that "She's coming around" and things are so much better ETC, besides the fact that she said she cut herself lat week bc she's so depressed etc. Honestly I think she was lying for attention and I know it's a serious issue but there was not a mark found on her. It's just drama with her non-stop.
Anyways, FDh gave her money last week and this week she hit him up again "could I have some $"???
I'm SO frustrated bc FDH doesn't see the game, he gives her all the credit and she's really warming up and coming around blah blah blah. NO FDH, she knows she needs to put in a few hours with you to get the cash she wants. She was supposed to come over, he said no to extra cash, guess who never showed up?!
"But it's not bc of the $, it's bc we were at the store and weren't home right when SHE wanted to come". So what does he do? Tell me she waited a few days (1 day) and he dropped off child support and $50 cash last night. IT'S SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING!!!!!!
Another issue?
My BD8-almost 9, she's been awful. My child is acting like there is a demon in her or something. She's lying about everything. Sneaking everything, crying at the drop of a dime about everything. I'm so frustrated with her too. She's not doing great in school (not focused and way too social), doesn't listen to me and tries to be mean to me by saying things that aren't nice. She pushes and pushes our buttons until we are a bout to lose it. She's been grounded with no tv, no nintendo, no playing with friends until she can get her act together at school.
She's been in therapy for 2 years, and we started her on a low dose anti anxiety ( have increased dosage over time but she's still pretty low) and non stimulant adhd medication the beginning of the school year. Things were getting better- not perfect but much better. She's in after school activities and has love and support from both FDH and I. She's the only child in the house right now, so she's not even competing for attention with anyone else. Even if brat SD15 is around it's for a few hours thats it and BD8 enjoys it- most of the time
She's been showing extreme jealousy with FDH and I and we have dealt with this in family therapy a few times together as well over the past few years. She wakes up in the middle of the night and wanders around the house in the dark and gets into EVERYTHING. We have locked doors that can be locked, we have an alarm, we put everything up we can and she still manages to get into or be sneaky about something.
The child is not sleeping- She's on melatonin bc I don't want her on prescription sleeping meds, I already don't like the fact thats she's on medication but at our wits end we didn't know what else to do. She is conniving, she starts lies between people to get reactions and get everyone fighting and she literally sits backs back and watches it all go down with a smirk on her face.
I feel awful saying this about MY child but she's acting evil. She's ruined my day before we even leave the house in the morning bc of her attitude and lack of respect. People can judge me if they want to but I have literally tried everything I can think of and what the psychiatrists and therapists have suggested. FDH and I have thought about switching therapists but thats also something I want to be careful on bc we need to keep consistancy and if I keep switching the people she supposed to trust and open up too, therapy is going to be worthless. I have tried reward programs, being calm and letting her know my expectations, sending her to her room with no toys in there either, taking her favorite things away, grounding, spanking, popped her in the mouth, going to bed early, loss of all privileges etc. strict daily routine.
It's so easy for people to say "oh, she's not doing this right or her kid wouldn't act like that- I used to be like that too until MY child started acting like the devils spawn and you could beat her (never would- and I'm using a figure of speech) and it would make no difference.
I want my child to have a good childhood and after some of these consequences she's good for maybe a litttle bit from a few hours to a few days and as soon as she earns her privileges back she starts getting worse again. I don't want to be a nazi parent and right now she has lost everything and she doesnt care. We are putting a hook lock on the outside of her door to keep her from wandering in the middle of the night and I never wanted to lock her in her room- I feel like it's abusive or something. I'm seriously so stressed out and frustrated with her and I don't know what to do.
I put a hook lock on her door and also a door chime so when her door is open, it chimes like a door bell so she can't be sneaky and creep around....Night one went really well.
FDH and I are both upset and with my daughter acting this way he excuses SD15's behavior bc BD8 makes SD15 look better. Oh yea, and FDH's kids never did anything wrong when they were 8, they were good kids and never snuck or lied about anything.......
Thanks for reading, and if you have any experience or advice in dealing with any of the crap I'm open to anything. I feel extremely vulnerable writing this about my own kid, but I'm not going to pretend she's being an angel just bc I can't stand my steps!
UGH!!!!
I'm sorry I really can't
I'm sorry I really can't offer any advice except for in regards to the sleep problems.
You mentioned you gave your BD8 melatonin. While melatonin is good, she may need something in addition to that to get her to sleep.
Due to having fibromyalgia, I've suffered with sleep problems for years. I take this vitamin called "Knock-Out" and it's worked really well for me. It has a combination of melatonin, theanine and valerian. You should be able to find it in a vitamin store.
Sorry you're going through this.
You sound so stressed. It
You sound so stressed. It sounds like you are doing everything you can. I would think about the sleeping pills, a childs dose, monitored by a doctor. Better than her wandering the house. I bet her meds are making her do that.
I just had a thought, if your
I just had a thought, if your daughter is not sleeping, that could account for some of her behavior.
Before I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I used to get REALLLLLL cranky, irritable, and downright mean because I was so tired.
But since I've gotten help for my sleep problems my mood has greatly improved. It might be time for medication to get her to go to sleep.
Hey goingcrazy.com Sounds
Hey goingcrazy.com
Sounds like your DD and SD are certainly pushing your buttons alright.
I had hyperactivity and ADHD as a child, my parent never allowed me to get away with stuff either. I know I didn't sleep very well either as a child, and my mother said I didn't really sleep until I was about 7 onwards. We were recently discussing my childhood and my mother mentioned that she understood why parents lost their tempers and over react with their children (she didn't but she said she nearly snapped due to sleep deprivation and exhaustion).
I am sure you are doing all these things now, but are you carefully watching DD's diet? In my childhood, hyperactivity and ADHD were new conditions and therefore medication did not exist. The only way my parents were able to control it, was diet, ensuring I was enrolled in several high energy classes outside school (I used to train with swimming 4-5 hours p/week and dancing 1-2 hours p/week. I was not permitted drinks before bedtime nor anything to eat. They watched what I drunk and ate and instilled in me the need to regulate this from a young age. I still watch to a degree now, as I still feel a reaction from some things.
My mother was very good at ignoring some of my dramatics, so if I had a tantrum she often would walk away and leave me to it. If I was rude/lied then she would ensure I would be embarassed by making sure those people knew (in front of me) effectively shaming me into silence.
Yes, we do watch her diet.
Yes, we do watch her diet. Especially sugar, it's very limited. We don't have juice or sugar drinks at the house, no fruit snacks etc. I did some research on food coloring red 40 and we try to avoid that as well. But she is also a candy hoarder. She's small for her age and very strong and she literally goes through my purse, coat pockets, car etc anything that she thinks will have sweets and eats them. When she's up in the middle of the night, we don't have any sweets out- they are put up so high FDH has to reach them bc I can't even get to them on a chair and she doesn't know they are there, but if there is an old freezie in the bottom of the freezer she will find it and eat it (example), ice cream bars? She ate the entire box and shoved the wrapers in the ripped seam in the couch.
It's obsessive how bad she is when it comes to candy. And I want to point out, I never wanted to deprive her of those things, so as a special snack or treat if we are at the mall or something she can have it bc I don't want her to be a hoarder! But she is anyway.
She drinks milk and water, that is it.
We keep her active, she's actually in wrestling 3x a week for 2 hours mon, wed and fridays, and gymnastics in the off season. She get's after school homework help bc of lack of focus in school so 5 days a week she has extra curriculars and 1 saturday a month we have wrestling tournaments. I try to have 1 activity a saturday whether it's a play date or her and I doing a craft bc she will literally bounce off the walls and do flips off the couch. I have contemplated completely taking her off the meds but I think that will result in worse behavior and worse results. We got back in 2 weeks and they want to increase the non stimulant adhd meds. It's actually supposed to help her sleep better????
Yes, you are right. It's a
Yes, you are right. It's a vicious cycle. She doesn't sleep which results in naughty, defiant, intentional rude behavior and it keeps building and building until she crashes and gets 1 good night sleep. Her pattern with this has been 1 time a week she crashes and gets a good night sleep, the rest of the week builds with worse behavior until she crashes again.
Something is making her not sleep and she's so wired she can't shut her brain off and she get's into any and everything. I know every kids goes through different stages throughout their youth but she was honestly better during the terrible twos and three's then she is now. I feel defeated by my 8 year old- it's depressing
REsponse to amber ^^^^
REsponse to amber ^^^^
Gotcha. I think my D14 gave
Gotcha. I think my D14 gave me the worst time when she was 8 and 9 years old as well.
Trust your instincts. If you think your daughter is too wired and that's why she can't sleep, go with that and figure out what you need to do to help her calm down and sleep at night.
You need to get out of this
You need to get out of this situation for the sake of your own children if for no other reason (of which there are many).
Your children are suffering first because of the break-up of your marriage and now all that's been going on since then. They need your undivided attention - they need a mother that isn't distracted all the time trying to keep "her man" in line.
I dispare that you can't see this blinded as you are by your own ambitions. You're never going to have a happy family until you start mothering your own children. Children need to know they are the center of their parents universe - that they can count on them to be there when needed, to solve their problems and point them in the right directions. You're spending all your time trying to mother your partner and protect him from his own children. I want to scream.
You can continue to see this guy, even spend a overnight if all the children are away. But no boyfriends, no shacking up and no marriage until your children are out of high school. This is the committment you made to them when you got pregnant. Now see to your end of the deal and give them their best shot in life.
thank you steppin up, Wow,
thank you steppin up, Wow, he's got nerve. FDH is a good male role model for my daughter and is 100% active in her life and supportive of everything. She's much beter off with FDH in her life then no male role model at all
lol, I didn't even catch it!
lol, I didn't even catch it! ha!
Half the time I post on here I'm in a rage so afterwords I see all the typo's- oh well, I was typing fast
You and I differ on opinions
You and I differ on opinions here, my childs behavior is a chemical imbalance in her brain and spoiled brat behavior- it is not due to me not mothering my child. My child and her needs are my first responsiblilty and just bc you don't have any bio's and married into a step situation does not make you "right" about everyone else's situation.
Maybe you should due some research on ADHD and high anxiety in children and educate yurself before you place the blame on my parenting and absence of being a mother to my child.
I'm not going to waste any more time on your post but you are full of shit, know that
BD8 is the same way but even
BD8 is the same way but even after she crashes it takes about 5 min and she's back to looking for negative attention. She's on 100mg of zoloft and 18mg of stratera. We go in 2 weeks for an adjustment. The zoloft didn't do anything until we hit 75mg and it was night and day, like I got a new kid, after she metabolized that and was bumped to 100 a few months later and there was no difference????
I've been thinking of asking her psych for a referral to a more specialized therapist? like I said, I just keep going back and forth because I want and need to keep consistancy with a kid like her and also, I KNOW alot of it her her choices and behavior, she knows how to be good but she has no impulse control- thats the ADHD part
Thanks, I try not worry but
Thanks, I try not worry but it's so easy for people to judge and since she's got behavior issues it must be bc the parent right? WRONG. You are so right that some kids are harder to parent then others. It's such a rollercoaster, she's horrible awful for 3 weeks and knock on wood so far this week she has slept 2 solid nights in a row and even got a 3 at school (highest rating on daily progress report)
I have talked to the therapist and social workers and teachers and I have the type of kid who falls through the cracks- She needs some extra help focusing and is way too social but isn't "bad" enough to get the help and be eligible for those school programs- so in tur she is an annoyance and frustration to the teacher and a "minor" distraction to students.
Before we had to move back in
Before we had to move back in with mother in law, we had to have alarms on EVERY door. We had special locks on our cabinets, alarms in the kitchen, even on the bathroom. It was so horrible. When we moved, we had no choice but to sleep in a room with her, which means her going through our stuff, stealing, destroying it, and stealing all the sweets again, we had to make our walk in closet into a bed room. First we had no alarm, but we started noticing food missing, my make up missing, and the cat freaking out because SD is hugging way too hard. So, we put bells, well SD is smart (she is so so smart, it angers me she doesnt want to use it) and figure out how to get out with them not making a sound until she is already done doing what she wanted. (we actually had to talk about ti because she did it last night). Alarms suck and needing them on so many things sucks even more.
With school, I would research if the school has a program for counseling, tutoring, and see if there are special steps you need to take in order for your SK. Most schools have a intervention type program, and normally they will step in when the child starts failing, and has a certain number of office referrels. I requested my SD be put in the intervention program (the school was such idiots, they fought me for 5 weeks while my daughters grades went down, her behavior at school got violent, and she was hospitalized). In most cases this program works (I know a little girl in a different school who has been part of the intervention program at their school since she was in their prek program). My daughter it did nto work for because their normal intervention program is made for children who are not overly emotional, scared shitless of authority figures, and who ended up being the clown of the class because of what they did. Trying to let the school know all that is going on even at home, lets them help them that much more. It is not ideal, and it seems both of the children need outside counseling to totally help (BHT). Also use rewards. Do daily, and weekly rewards. We do a point system, sticker system, and money system. We are trying everything. Some days it matters to her some days it does, but in the end it is worth it when they are happy right?
Has she been diagnosed with
Has she been diagnosed with anything?