I could have written your post many times when my BDs were younger. Even today it continues. I am constantly pinching pennies when it comes to my two BDs and not getting them things because money is tight. Like school shirts for the new school district they moved into that are $10 each but I could use that money to buy them something they need more, like food. So I don't get them the shirts. Then I see a text from DH to SD telling her he'll buy her a hoodie for the college she transferred to after her first year at a different college, and the hoody was $50.

BD6 could be in a parade with her dance class but shirts to participate are $20 and I see no point paying that much for a shirt for her to wear one time, so I don't do it. Then I see a text from DH to SD telling her he'll buy her ink for her printer, which he bought her last year even though the school has computer labs where she could print her documents.

Or like me buying BD9 a $20 coat on sale from Old Navy and giving BD6 my older BD's hand-me-down coat, only to see a text from DH to SD about the $150 North Face coat she HAS to have.

Sorry, I guess I don't have a solution for you, just thought you could see you're not alone.

Yep - I listened to DH and SD13 argue about shoes, running shoes for almost a month. SD13 wanted a $70 pair of shoes. DH took her 3 times to buy shoes - she outright refused - they came back with nothing 3 times - THREE times.

BD13 and SD13's birthday are the same week. During this time, the whole shoe saga time, BD13 was getting shoes for her birthday - why? Because she wanted a fancy pair of shoes - they were $50 shoes - a treat - a present.

I very calmly suggested to DH that he consider getting SD the shoes she had to have as her birthday present to make a point since he was complaining that she was being a biotch about the shoes. He said, no because he already got her something else and that wasn't right. I reminded him BD13 was getting shoes as her present and that he could give SD13 what he got for her birthday for Xmas instead as its only a few months away anyway. He wasn't convinced.

SD13 got her shoes - BM took her out and got them.
SD13 also got her original present as planned by DH.

BD13 got only shoes for her present. As a mother watching this I feel very ripped off for my BD13. But, I can tell you that my BD13 treasures her shoes, she is thrilled with her shoes, and doesn't feel ripped off - just I do for her. SD13 has her shoes, but received her present from DH which she hasn't even used yet, nor likely won't. Iroically SD13 sees BD13 getting some great gift (of shoes) exactly what she asked for and somehow SD13 is the one that feels ripped off getting some gift that she won't ever even look at again.

THIS THIS THIS is how these kids turn out. Ironic right??

SD16 does the same thing but she lives with us. She will call DH at work and hide from me so I can't hear and lie and say her sneakers are too small or she has NO jeans at all. He doesn't know how to say no so he tells her ok one day next week. Then she harasses him until he takes her. She likes to get all expensive brand name clothes meanwhile BD4 literally has nothing.

Then she brings home all the expensive clothes and by the end of the week she has either left most of them at a friends house, lost them somehow or ruined them already.

This kid had so many clothes that she snuck alot of them over to BM's house to hide them from us.

ugh, i hate it when they act like they owe the skid an explanation for stuff that is none of their damn business. like when i was pregnant a few years ago and sd then 16 flipped out about how it wasn't fair to her. :? he goes on to tell her we didn't do it on purpose, it wasn't something we planned, bla bla bla. i was HOT. i told him he does NOT owe a fucking kid an explanation for how or why i got pregnant! what the hell is the matter with him? she was thrilled to the gills 2 weeks later when i miscarried. and the stupid bitch wonders why i want nothing to do with her or her baby.