Rooms
Advice.....SS16 (spoilt, gets his own way, long story) keeps dissappearing to his sisters or his mums. Doesnt let us know, just ups and goes for a week at a time and ignoes his dads messages while hes away. Then he realises hes cutting off a valuable source of finance and comes home for a night or two. Used to live with us full time, but for last 2 yrs, HE decides where he sleeps and when. We have a 4 bed house and I have two bios BD13 and BS9 who have always lived here full time. They have the smallest rooms, SS has the biggest bedroom in the house (SO promised it him when BM left). For the last few months he is here probably once a week and when he is he comes home at 10pm and then goes and plays on his xbox in his room. My argument is that now BD13 is studying(and doing really well) and has also started dressmaking, she should move into the biggest bedroom, seeing as it is usually empty. SO is disgusted I suggested this. This is SS's home , he will feel pushed out etc etc ........what should I do?
I quite agree, if he is
I quite agree, if he is hardly ever there, your BD13 should have the room and he can have hers. That's not pushing him out, its logical allocation of resources.
Honestly, my DH would come
Honestly, my DH would come home one day and my BD would already have that room. Thats just me. Is this DH daughter also? Or his SD? not that it would make a difference on my actions, just curious.
Yup i would change rooms one day while DH is at work and deal with the argument later!
As long as he still has a
As long as he still has a room there, I see no problem switching it with a child who is there more. We did that for BS when the stepkids were 50/50. When SD15 decided to live with mom, we switched her out of her room since it was a good size and then moved in SS13. So we have done it twice now. If she comes back ever, she has the smallest room in the house and it is a guest room now.
Just move him out and put him in smallest room. Paint it and make it look nice, but definitely give the bigger room to the kid who is there more...
I would truly love to do
I would truly love to do that. Every time I walk past the disgusting mess of his room, I dream of how pretty it could be and how BD would appreciate it. SS16 is failing at school and refuses to do homework, why should he be treated like royalty one night a week. BD has to balance her laptop on her knee and do homework on her bed. His room is twice the size. SO would never agree. The 2 youngest are my children, he has one son and a SD from a prev marriage. He is great to my kids, but when SS is here, he turns into SSs doormat and SS rules the roost......
My MOTHER decided who got
My MOTHER decided who got which room...it wasn't OUR choice, it was HER choice. And about every 6mos to a yr, she moved us...put girls together, boy alone, each in our own room, switched our own rooms, etc...SHE was in charge, not the us as kids.
Agreed. In my home as a
Agreed. In my home as a child, my mother decided who slept where and when. We frequently changed rooms based on age, sex, space needs, grades...whatever. This is what I always complain about...that blended family thing is crap. We aren't a blended family - they are a family and we are that woman who lives here and cleans up after everyone. I know, all moms clean but moms also say where the kids sleep, period.
If it were me i would just do
If it were me i would just do it and I have! even if dh is there. One day i woke up and said to dh i am putting ds in this room and I did it while he was still processing what I said, lol.
I would just do it while he was gone and he can come back to it being done. So wrong that a child has a big room and never using it while another is suffering just nit right. I don't know how else to say it but just do it before he realizes and don;t back down. You are your dd voice and it is apparent that he is not looking out for your dd and is all about his own kids so you have to do the same. You have do what is best for your kids b/c you are the only one that will and can do it. Be there for your kids!
Um nope it is NOT the
Um nope it is NOT the childrens house it is the parents house! I tell all the kids that when they get all pissy about something. I pay the bills not the kids and when they get their own place and pay for it themselves then it is THEIR house. I make it very clear that we pay the bills and we provide for them and therefore we decide not them period. I also make it clear that all we have to do is make sure they have a roof and food and the basic of clothes so they better behave or all the extras go BYE BYE!
Thanks all, I feel much more
Thanks all, I feel much more empowered to go ahead and do it.....SS16 has been offered a home here in which case he could of kept his room, but he doesnt want to stay here full time so I think he forfeited any claim he thinks he might have on any room in this house. He can have the spare room when and if he turns up. I forgot to mention that my eldest son lives away frm home but when he visits he gets the couch as SS doesn't like 'sharing his room'. Why was I soo weak then too? I have come home after storming out when SS turned up again this eve wanting to move back in(on his terms)and amazingly SO has told him he can move back in on OUR terms or not bother! SS has dissappeared back to his mums. Can't bel it!! SO always backs down to SS.