DH and I always get into a fight when SS17 comes to stay with us. The fight enviably ends up with DH yelling at me, "It's hard to deal with knowing my wife HATES my son" or "Just admit it, you don't like my son!". Ok the truth is sometimes I don't like my SS but sometimes I don't like my bio kids either. Like and dislike come and go. SS and I have worked out our own relationship. We are good with it. DH wants us to like each other or be closer to one another or something. That's not going to happen because we don't have that kind of relationship. SS and I are okay with what we have it's only DH who is freaking out about it.

This time, SS17 has chosen to stay for a month after we didn't see him for six weeks (yes SS gets to choose when he comes and goes). We have a house rule that each of the kids does the dishes in rotation with SS doing them the first night he stays. As soon as we reminded him of the rule, he told his dad flat out "NO". BM let's stepson have full autonomy and no responsibility so he keeps trying to do that at our house. Instead of calling him on his rudeness and disrespect, DH coddled him. SS managed to get out of doing the dishes. I pointed out to DH that I thought this was rude. His excuse for SS was "he was afraid because he had homework". Huh?

Then DH and I went grocery shopping. Before we left, we asked the kids if they wanted anything specific to which SS said "frozen stuff". We eat pretty healthy in our house so I'm looking at the nutritional info on the "frozen stuff". DH picks up frozen burritos and announces each one has 350 calories. I point out to him that SS won't eat just one, he will eat two or three for a snack so perhaps we should not buy them (SS is a compulsive eater). DH freaks out and starts a fight saying "We have to get him food!" "I told him I would get him food!" I'm looking at our basket which is full of FOOD and say "We are". DH proceeds to tell me it's not fair to SS to not get him things he likes. I point out that we both agreed that we would not buy junk for him so we can help SS lose weight (he is significantly overweight). DH continues to yell at me telling me "We have to buy him food. It's not fair." I just kept walking and ignored him.

I am so tired of DH telling me I'm picking on his son. I try and treat him like I do my bio kids. I may not be as close to him but it is what it is. I ended up explaining to DH that parenting his son is not my responsibility. When we got married I told him I would welcome SS into my house but I would NOT be his parent. This was our agreement but over the last three years, I've taken on more responsibility because no one else will. For example, I arranged for senior portraits, kept up on graduation issues like cap and gown etc., researched college information...because if I didn't DH and BM wouldn't have.

I guess I'm just hurt. Constantly being told "you don't care" makes me actually not care as much.