My stepsister is acting weird...

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Okay, I didn't know if this was the right place to post this so if it isn't I'm sorry.

First off, I'm not a parent, but I am a stepchild. Two years ago, when I was 16, my dad married another woman. She had a daughter who was 15 at the time and we all moved in together. We all got along pretty well. I go to a local college now but still live at home(stepmom's orders--inside joke). Anyways, over the last six months or so, though, my stepsister has been acting weird.

Whenever we're around my dad and stepmom, she kind of acts like a bitch to me. Not a really really mean bitch but just kind of mean and blows me off a lot, like she's better than me or something. Any time we're alone, though, like if we're both in the kitchen getting something to eat or we cross each other in a hallway, she tends to be physically aggressive, like she'll hit me in the shoulder, like joking, or tap the back of my head with her hand. Also, when my parents aren't around she doesn't talk mean to me. She's friendlier to me and asks me lots of questions about myself, like about my girlfriend(I don't have one) and even makes crude jokes that are kind of sexually suggestive. She NEVER does this when our parents are around so I don't know what it means.

It's just worried me because of certain situations that have made me uncomfortable. Like, one night a couple of weeks ago, maybe a month, we were all in the basement(we converted our basement into a family room with a home theater) and were watching a movie. After the movie was over our parents went upstairs to get a snack and go to bed. I changed the channel to cartoons or something and my stepsister got up from the chair she was sitting in and sat neck to me on the sofa. It's a big sofa, though, and she sat on the far end. After a view minutes she laid back and stuck her feet in my lap.

Aside from her punching me in the shoulder or hitting me lightly in the head, this was the first time she ever made intentional physical contact with me. I didn't know where to punch my arms so I sort of just laid them on top of her shins. Then, she started making light-hearted conversation and even went so far as to put her bare feet on my face, but laughed as she did. It didn't seem like she was trying to be mean, it was more like playing. I played along and laughed but was really confused.

Ever since that day, the contact has become more frequent. Two weeks ago I was putting some dirty laundry in a basket in my room and my stepsister happened to walk by. She ran in and hit me with an open hand on my butt, then ran away and laughed. From then on, anytime I walk past her when my parents aren't around she'll hit me on the butt and laugh. I have to basically walk sideways past her to avoid getting hit.

Now, she also emails me webcam pics of herself usually sticking her tongue out or making a funny face.

The physical contact, emails of webcam pictures and the conversations have gotten more and more frequent. She still talks and acts the same around our parents, but different when we're alone. Not that it matters, but even though I think my stepsister is cute, I've never told her or given her a reason to be flirty with me. Am I doing something wrong? I don't know what to do next.

Thanks for the comment. I'm

Thanks for the comment.

I'm not sure that she's flirting, but it's just weird. I'm 18 and she's 17, by the way. The way she acts around me alone and around me when our parents are around it's like Jekkyl and Hyde. Two different people. I've had girls flirt with me before and the things they've done is a lot alike with what my stepsis does.

I'm naturally a pretty passive person and I don't want to make the issue bigger by telling my dad or stepmom because then they'll probably talk to my stepsis and then things will get even more weird and uncomfortable. Mostly, I chuckle and laugh it off. I kind of don't say too much back so that she doesn't think I'm flirting back because either way it'll be bad. If she is flirty with me she'll think I'm flirting back. If she's not, she'll think I'm a weirdo.

There's been more incidents than I wrote but I didn't want to share them all because it would take forever, but there's just been a lot of stuff, most of it to me kind of seems like flirting. And the clothes issue. When we're around my parents she wears a lot of stuff that covers her up like long pants and hoodies and stuff. When my parents are out of the house or work late and we're home alone, the stuff she wears is, well, smaller, I'll just say that. She's not exactly flat-chested either so it's even more noticeable. And before my parents come home she goes back to her room. I mean, this is like on cue, almost every night. I don't know, it's just an everyday issue.

I've brought up wanting to move out of the house with my stepsis, just in casual conversation and she always makes strong cases for me not to move out. Like, saying it's too expensive and a million other things. She had one female friend she brought over once and me and her started talking on and off during her visit, just joking and getting along. My stepsis never had her back over again as far as I know, at least with me at home. I asked about the friend once and my stepsis made excuses like she was a bitch and this and that and whatever. Like I said, it's just a lot of things. I know I'm not crazy but I don't know who to turn to.

mimi I think this is a guy

mimi I think this is a guy posting this. stepkid, I would just make it very clear where you stand with her. I would tell her that you are not interested and that is is weirding you out and to please stop. your relationship is not ever going to be the same anyway you look at it. I would also go to my parents and talk to them first and let them know how uncomfortable you are with her behavior!

Yeah, I'm a guy. lol Sorry

Yeah, I'm a guy. lol Sorry for not making that clear.

I've thought about just coming out and being aggressive. Like I said before, I'm a pretty passive person and I don't like to make waves. The weird thing is that my stepsis, around my parents, is passive, too. She acts kind of bitchy to me around them, but in a passive-aggressive way. When we're alone she's more open and aggressive. I appreciate all of the comments so far and am taking everything you guys tell me seriously.

I know. I know I shouldn't

I know. I know I shouldn't be passive about this. I'm trying to weigh my options on what to do next and how to approach it. I'll let everyone know how it goes.

Actually, once I tried to be

Actually, once I tried to be more assertive and stand up for myself. She hit me in the butt and I turned around and I kind of barked at her, that she shouldn't do that, but she started laughing and I couldn't keep a straight face, so that kind of blew it. It's worse because I don't have a girlfriend right now. When I had a gf and would bring her to the house, my stepsis would always either be in her room or would go to her room. She doesn't do that stuff anymore since I'm single.

LOL If I told her the idea

LOL If I told her the idea about reading a stepsis/stepbro story on some website, she'd laugh, make a joke and some kind of sexually suggestive comment. At this point, I try not to initiate any conversation about sex because she seems to feed off of it. It kind of makes it worse, actually.

I have to watch the things I say around her, though, because she remembers. A few months ago, I was talking to my stepmom in the kitchen and she was asking me what I thought of this girl that lives in the neighborhood who used to have really long hair and cut it all off into this really short hairdo. I told my stepmom that I thought short hair on girls was really cute. My stepsis happened to come in to get some milk while we were talking. A few weeks later, she got a haircut and cropped off most of her hair. I don't know if it was because of what I said, but it did seem coincidental at the time.

S-Kid, I did not see anywhere

S-Kid,

I did not see anywhere in your post where you indicated your gender. It is not critical but might influence some of the answers you may receive.

(I did not read any other posts before I responded but thought I should bring up that I originally assumed you were a female when I first read your OP)

It sounds to me that your SS has a bit of a crush on you. Not unusual considering how much time you have spent together over the past two years.

If you are not interested in her romantically I would recommend that you ask her to go for a walk and have a talk with her. Tell her that her recent aggressive behavior is not appreciated and will no longer be tolerated. You can also tell her that you have been siblings for the past two years and that you want to maintain a good relationship with her but that her hitting you has to stop.

If you are interested in her romantically I would take the same walk, have the same talk about the aggressive behavior but would bring up the attraction discussion. If you both agree to pursue a relationship you will need to sit down with your parents (the one's you live with) and hash it out so that it does not cause issues for your dad's marriage or for the family in general.

Good luck.

Rags I'm glad you brought

Rags I'm glad you brought that up. I have a cousin that married his step sister. Now in their situation is a bit different as they were already dating when their parents got married, in fact that is how they met through their kids. Anyway I agree with you that if he does like her they all need to sit down and talk about it. 2 years really isn't that long and it is a hard spot to be in when you know there is no relation and you really like him or her.

Purp, The first wedding I

Purp,

The first wedding I was in (I was a groomsman) the bride and groom became step sibs after they had been married for about 15yrs. The MOTB was a widow when my friends married. The MOTG passed away when my friends had been married for about 10yrs. Five years later the MOTB and FOTG married. It was an interesting situation since the MOTB had ~7 children with her deceased husband and the FOTG had only two children. All of the kids were adults with the youngest in their early 20s when the MOTB and FOTG married.

The only kid that had significant difficulty with the situation was the groom's sister who I am very close with.

The issue there was that before they married the MOTB insisted that all assets be blended and that all kids (hers and his) get an equal share of the estate upon the demise of the older couple. The FOTG was significantly more well off and his daughter took exception to her brothers BILs and SILs getting shares of what her parents had built together.

In the end it all worked out and the extended family finally did blend but there were about 5 very friction filled years.

Whew, I am confused now. :?

Best regards,

She definitely has a crush on

She definitely has a crush on you. Putting her feet in your lap, slapping you in the butt. Plu she's only acting this way around you alone because she is worried about it being inappropriate. What confuses me, is how do you feel about her? You haven't seemed too put off by her advances...at 18 you probably knew she was flirting with putting her feet on you and you touched her back, giving the wrong message if you indeed aren't interested in her. I can also see just being shocked and not knowing what to do.

While definitely out of the norm, you aren't related by blood and came into each other's lives during late teens, so I don't think it's that strange for her to develop feelings for you. Just think very long and hard about how to handle this, as to keep damage to your relationship to a minimum. If you aren't interested, be very sensitive how you handle this and explain it to her, and I honestly wouldn't tell your parents, as I think it would open up a big can of worms. If she doesn't drop it, then you can bring them in later. If you are interested, think carefully about what would happen if you pursued a relationship with her and then it ended badly.

Tough spot to be in! Good luck.

"She definitely has a crush

"She definitely has a crush on you. Putting her feet in your lap, slapping you in the butt. Plu she's only acting this way around you alone because she is worried about it being inappropriate. What confuses me, is how do you feel about her? You haven't seemed too put off by her advances...at 18 you probably knew she was flirting with putting her feet on you and you touched her back, giving the wrong message if you indeed aren't interested in her. I can also see just being shocked and not knowing what to do.

Thanks a lot for the comment. In the back of my mind, I kind of thought that some of the stuff she was doing was flirting but I could never be sure. Everyone is different so you don't know why some people do things. What confused me is that I never knew her to be the playful type. When I first met her she was kind of hardcore emo and never smiled, joked or would even talk alot. She still does some of the emo stuff, like the dark eye make-up, but it's not over the top or anything. She's just talks a lot more than she used to, around me anyways. Around my parents she hasn't changed much.

As to how I feel about her... I don't want people to think I'm weird and, like I said before, I've never shared this stuff with anyone. But, I do think she's cute. I am attracted to her, her body and personality, but I don't want to tell her that and I definitely don't want to tell anyone else, especially my parents. I know that if I tell her, something might happen and then the whole family situation might become all messed up. To me, the family is more important than me just hooking up with someone, even if I'm attracted to them.

I know it's kind of dumb because I'm trying to solve this problem without really doing anything, lol, but to me it's kind of tough to find a solution because every solution will probably have a bad result.

I'm going to think about this more and see what I should do. I'll keep everyone here informed.

note: My stepsis walked in on me typing this and before she got a chance to snoop I had to switch tabs. lol

Thanks for all your help so far, guys, and your understanding. You have no idea what a relief it is for me to tell people this FINALLY and for them to be tolerant and not judge me.

oh honey it's ok we all

oh honey it's ok we all understand. ((hugs)) just remember no matter what you do your relationship will never be the same with her. This has changed it forever. I don;t envy you at all. Glad you being such an adult about it though and good luck.

I hope you do not pursue this

I hope you do not pursue this romantically. That would make for many weird situations for the rest of your life, as long as she is your stepsister! totally not worth it IMO

I totally understand where

I totally understand where you're coming from. I've never flirted with her or told her that I was interested or anything, and she's never come out and told me she was interested, either. It's just a weird situation where I'm not sure what to do.

I'm weighing my options and I'll post again soon about what I chose to do and what happened.

Yup, HUGE crush, You occupy

Yup, HUGE crush, You occupy her every thought and she is planning ways to get your attention.

But be kind. Let her down gently. When she smacks your butt tell her "Not appropriate!" but in a sing songy way. Stay in your room more. Go out with your friends more. Introduce her to your friends! Maybe she will change her alliances to him. Gently make distance between you.

If she hits you when your parents ar ehome, over react and say "Hey! That really hurt!" Try and make sure another parent is always around.

Thanks for the comment. Last

Thanks for the comment. Last night was the same as most every other night. I avoided getting smacked in the butt but we had a casual conversation that I tried to use to bring up our situation.

We were in the basement watching TV and I flipped past MTV and some relationship/dating reality show. I asked her why she didn't have a boyfriend. It took her about five seconds but she finally responded. She shrugged and said that she didn't feel like she needed one right now. Then, she accused me of bringing it up because I wanted to "get her out of my hair". She said it in a joking way, though. I think it backfired because it seemed like she took it that I was asking because I wanted to know if she WANTED a boyfriend.

She ended up sitting next to me, putting her feet in my lap and asking if I could pull her toes(kind of like popping knuckles, but she likes her toes pulled until they pop) and I did... way to stand up and be assertive, huh? I did get my back scratched out of the deal, but it still seems like I went one step forward, three steps back. lol

"it still seems like I went

"it still seems like I went one step forward, three steps back."
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It sounds like this is EXACTLY what you've done. Playing with her feet & having her scratch your back isn't the way to say, "This isn't a good idea. I don't want this to go "there".

I am not one to confront when it isn't absolutely necessary, & I'm not one to accuse somebody or call them out on behavior I'm not certain about. However, her behavior is certain. Even if you're not certain she's intentionally flirting with you, her actions are inappropriate for a brother/sister relationship.

If you have no intention of dating her or taking the relationship outside of the brother/sister avenue, you need to back off. You need to tell her to back off. In my opinion, you know her motives & you're going along with them. You're saying here that you don't want to go "there" with it, but that's exactly where you're taking it. If, in fact, you do not want a romantic relationship with her, your behavior is leading her on.

I know what you mean, and

I know what you mean, and thanks for the comment. I guess, in my defense, the thing is that before she was really kind of bitchy to me. In the last six months or so, she's been much nicer to me when we're alone, but the problem is that with that niceness comes the stuff that a lot of people would think is inappropriate. Now, if I snap at her one day or push her away, I'm afraid that things will go back to the way they were and she'll be reclusive and mean to not just me but everyone in the house. At least this way she seems happy and talkative, but the flip side is the awkwardness of some of our interactions. At least for me.

Her being bitchy is a more

Her being bitchy is a more normal way for a sister to be. I grew up with 5 brothers. 3 are older & 2 are younger. I wouldn't dream of smacking any one of them on the butt when they walked by me.

Speaking up doesn't require snapping at her, but if you truly have no intention of taking this into a romantic relationship, you do need to be man enough to speak up & let her know what your boundaries & intentions are.

I understand what you're saying about her reverting back to being mean & reclusive, but put the shoe on the other foot. What if you were the one with the romantic interest & down the road you found out that she was just going along with your advances because it was the easy thing to do...all the while, because she never had the courtesy to speak up & be honest with you, you're being led to believe that she shares that interest.

The sooner the better. If this goes any farther or goes on any longer, she'll be much more likely to revert. She'll feel foolish & embarrassed, & that will push her away more than anything.

I think you can handle this

I think you can handle this in one of three ways.

Direct discussion. "I am sorry but we can not be romantically involved".

Passive rejection. Watch movies together but don't get in to affectionate grooming (Toe pulling, back scratchin, etc....) Don't reciprocate in any way if she gets affectionate or initiates physical contact.

Combination of the two. Tell her that you are not comfortable with a romantic relationship with her but that you like hanging out with her and watching movies, talking, etc.... and be pleasant when you are together.

They all have their potential consequences. Number 3 makes the most sense to me.

Good luck.

(sigh) You guys are all

(sigh) You guys are all right. I'm just going to have to buck up and confront her. I'll try to sit her down and have a mature conversation about everything that's been happening and ask the questions I've been afraid to ask. I'll try to figure out exactly how I'm going to approach, exactly what to ask and how to word it. I'll do it tonight.

I'll keep you guys updated maybe tomorrow. Thanks so much for your comments and understanding so far.

Thanks for the comment! I

Thanks for the comment!

I actually responded that way kind of once. After she hit me in the butt once, I told her that I didn't know any sister that hit her brother like that and that it's probably wrong. She scoffed and said "You're not REALLY my brother. You're just, like, a live-in guy." That's almost exactly what she said. She doesn't even consider me her brother. And to me, in private, she admits to not thinking that our parents will be married for long, even though our parents never fight and have a perfect relationship. She thinks they won't be married for more than another year, which I don't agree with.

I would be VERY careful of

I would be VERY careful of this. She might just be doing this to split up your parents! Why all of a sudden the turn around then the mention that she doesn't think they will be together much longer. Something smells funky!!!!

So now you want to close the

So now you want to close the gate after all the horses got out? Keep a condom handy b.c. its only a matter of time now. You've been seduced and took the bait-hook, line, and sinker.

Thanks for the comment! Hmm,

Thanks for the comment!

Hmm, I don't think I've quite been seduced. I don't know if what she's doing is seducing because a lot of times our interactions are sloppy and awkward from both sides. If she is trying to seduce me she's not some kind of pro at it.

I have condoms but haven't had sex in almost a year. If we ever did have sex, would I have to feel like a horrible person or would it be an understandable situation? I know it'd be wrong, but would it at least be understandable?

If you know it'd be wrong,

If you know it'd be wrong, how would you think it'd be understandable? Are you saying you could just use that as an excuse to avoid accepting responsibility for choosing to have sex in a situation you know is bad?

Knowing it's wrong & choosing to do it anyway makes it NOT understandable.

Ok, I'm gonna change my tune

Ok, I'm gonna change my tune here. From everything you've written since I responded yesterday, it's quite clear you have feelings for her. You started by making it all about how she is coming on to you, but I can see now that you are an active participant in this whole thing. You are just looking for us to tell you it's ok.

You don't want her to stop. After all the advice yesterday, you were still physical with her last night, and then this comment seals the deal..."If we ever did have sex, would I have to feel like a horrible person or would it be an understandable situation? I know it'd be wrong, but would it at least be understandable?"

You are already justifying sleeping with her in your mind...and to us. If you want to do it, do it, but nobody here can tell you how to feel about it or give you permission. If you make that bed, you're going to have to lie in it....and it may lead to uncomfortable family interactions for the rest of your life. Imagine having to tell your future wife that your stepsister is such a bitch to you and her at Christmas Dinner because you slept with her. Just sayin.... If you're dead set on this, you're going to do it no matter what anyone else says. You are an adult and make whatever decision you want, as long as you realize the reprocussions you are going to be dealing with later. And if you start a relationship, you're going to have to tell your folks.

I'm sorry, Stepkid, but you

I'm sorry, Stepkid, but you need to stop. All you are doing is putting fuel on the fire. You are siblings no matter what happens right now, and it's gross.

Talk to your parents about setting boundaries. If you aren't brave enough to do that, don't be alone with her anymore.

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My stepsister is acting weird...