Issue with stepdaughter's boyfriend's mom
Hi,
I just got back from dropping my 13 year old stepdaughter at her boyfriend's house. Her mom and I have had a long standing policy that she is only allowed to go over there if there is adult supervision present.
A couple of days ago when I dropped her off, I had suspicions that no adults were present, due to the number of vehicles in the driveway; there is usually 2 trucks and a compact car when both parents are there, but this time there was only one truck. When I came to pick her up later, both trucks and the compact were there. I asked her about it and she said that the other truck was in the garage when I dropped her off.
I talked to her mom about it when we got home and she set a new policy: we need to actually see that an adult is there. So today when she asked me to bring her there after school, I told her it was OK as long as I talk to an adult. She told me that the boy's uncle and stepfather were there.
When I got there, same thing only one truck in driveway. I go up to there door and the boy tells me that his uncle broke down and his stepfather went to go pick him up, but that his mom was on her way home from work. While I waited, he was on the phone with her twice. When she pulled up, she gave me attitude, talking about how she trusts her son, that she has honest and open communication with him and that she raised him to be respectful and that if we didn't trust my stepdaughter, maybe we needed to have an open and honest discussion with her. Then she started talking about how she makes the rules at her house, in a somewhat angry tone of voice.
I know when I talk to her mom about this, she is going to be very upset and may decide that her daughter can no longer see this boy. I am sure we all know what will happen when you try to tell a teenage girl that she cannot see her boyfriend. However, I do not feel comfortable not telling her.
Are we wrong to require that we see that she is getting adult supervision and not left alone with a teenage boy? How do we deal with this without sending a 13 year old into a screaming fit and end up having her sneak around if we tell her she cannot go to his house anymore?
TL/DR: Shouldn't parents be allowed to make sure their 13 year old daughter isn't unsupervised when at her boyfriend's house?
Thanks,
'
Mike
Wrong? Hell no, you're not
Wrong? Hell no, you're not wrong. Except for dropping a 13 year old off at her boyfriend's house.
My comment is 13 years old
My comment is 13 years old have no business having a boyfriend let alone the situation of going to their house at all. We did not let our sons date until 16 and never had problems. My SD was allowed to date by BM at 13 and lost her virginity shortly after and is considered a slut now by her school and when asked over the holidays by BS19 how many boyfriends she has had she said no clue. Stop this now or this is going to get worse for everyone. Main reason SD didn't want to stay with us is we had rules. Thankfully she is gone now and our boys are great. Your encouraging her to date by even taking her there.
Good luck with that.
Uh huh, my point exactly.
Uh huh, my point exactly. Thanks for typing it out for me.
Don't punish the girl and boy
Don't punish the girl and boy for what the boys mother says or does.
If its not too late don't even tell the bio-mother - it was a rant, maybe a bad day at work, who knows but just let it slide off.
Yes you have every right to see an adult present. Explain to the girl that in light of the ladies attitude it will be girls job to find an adult as soon as she goes in the front door and ask that adult to wave at you from the door while you wait in the car. If the adult gives you dirty looks or whatever ignore it - you have a serious responsibility to make sure the girl and boy stays childless. That's just the way it is.
No adult and she returns but maybe the boy can return with her and they can woo at your place.
Yeah, sounds like 'dates'
Yeah, sounds like 'dates' need to be supervised by you and your wife.
I agree with moeilijk- just
I agree with moeilijk- just make the time they spend together at your house from now on.
I am not looking forward to teenage years at all. Especially with a daughter!!
SD was allowed to have a
SD was allowed to have a boyfriend at age 11/12, completely unknown to my fiance. he just found out a few months ago, shortly after SD's 13th birthday. she has now been with this boy almost 2 years which IMO is unhealthy at such a young age. she has been very distracted and has not done well in school.
im pretty sure they are having sex or darn close to it. she refuses to let us even meet this kid. BM says they are never alone togehter, but all kids find ways to be alone. we have instagram evidence of her going to football games and sneaking onto the bus to do lord only knows what.
i agree with others that this girl has no business having a boyfriend but you defintiely shoudl not condone or encourage it by bringing her to meet him, at his house nonetheless.