Im stuck raising my stepdaughter: (
Since my son (he is 17) and I moved in with my fiancé my soon to be stepdaughter (13 years old) is here 90% of the time. We are staying in a camper while building a house. He had her every other weekend before I moved in. If she goes to her mom's one day then the same night she calls and asks for us to get her the next day. I had to take care of the stepdaughter all summer and thought it would go back to every other weekend when school started but no! I have to drive her an hour to school and an hour back home then an hour to get her and another hour back home! My fiancé wouldn't dare have her change schools because she loves going there!! He is supporting me and my son so i can't say anything! I am trying to find a job though. She is always in the way. If i come in to set down there she is. If I try to talk to my family on the phone in private there she is. My fiancé and i try to walk outside and have some privacy she follows us. She eats all of the food! She gives me evil eyes all the time when her dad isn't around. contines to pay his x child support even though she is with us all the time and she constantly ask for things for him to buy her. I do not want to raise her! I knew he had her before i moved in but it was only every other weekend until i moved in! I can't talk to him because he thinks she hung the moon! I raised my kids,what can i do about NOT raising his? Breaking up is not an option! I love him but not his daughter!
Get a JOB asap and let him
Get a JOB asap and let him figure out how to get his kid to school.
Hon - you need to tell your
Hon - you need to tell your fiance this.... not a bunch of strangers.
SImply stop driving her and doing things for her... either she stays with BM or your fiance does all for her, just disengage.
What's your sons view on this? Is he still happy at home ? I doubt it.... think of yourself and your son and your partner can look after his daughter
No,my son is not happy at
No,my son is not happy at all. Moving here was also his decision but now he regets it. He has no privacy either. He can't hardly get ready for school because she is always in the bathroom. All the sncks and food is gone when he goes to get something to eat because she has already ate it. She is overweight. She eats like 5 or more little debbies at a time. But she hides the wrappers under her mattress. She also gets drinks and takes a sip or 2 then leaves it and later gets a fresh one. If i cook or pick food up and tell everyone that we have say 2 cheeseburgers apiece and we are outside working on our house were building,she will say she is going in for a bit and later when we go eat then she has ate while she went in camper. So that makes the rest of us still have to split whats left. Like if she sneaks and gobbles down 2 cheeseburgers then she still gets to eat when we ear. Her dad just says well she was hungry and she can eat what she wants to eat! So there my son does without again!
Lock the snack foods in the
Lock the snack foods in the trunk of your car. Or better yet, stop buying them! Buy only healthy stuff. That will really tick the little brat off. Of course, this is assuming that you are head shopper as well as the maid, cook, chauffeur, nurse, and concubine.
Oh i tired the healthy food.
Oh i tired the healthy food. It didnt work. She eats anything and everything. Lol. But i do like the idea if locking the snacks in my trunk. I will try that. Yes i am the maid cook chauffeur
I hide sodas in my trunk from
I hide sodas in my trunk from my own kids. Hopefully she's one of those kids where if it's out of sight, it's out of mind (or mouth).
SImply stop driving her and
SImply stop driving her and doing things for her... either she stays with BM or your fiance does all for her, just disengage.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I normally agree with this BUT the man is supporting her AND her son. She just needs to get a job so she can support herself and her kid and DH can support is kid.
I am tryinh hard to get a job
I am tryinh hard to get a job but no luck yet! I just need advice in how to not raise her in the meantime. Is there anyway i can without verbally telling my fiancé. He will not understand as i have tried and when it comes to his daughter she is always going to win. I tried talking to him a few times and he always says oh poor her she has it so rough i feel so sorry for her! Ok she never has had it rough!
Yes but we are in the process
Yes but we are in the process of building a house but staying in a camper in the meantime
There is no shame in that. My
There is no shame in that. My aunt and uncle and their SEVEN kids lived in a trailer while their house was being built. Everything turned out just fine.
The queen of Mean and Nair is
The queen of Mean and Nair is calling someone else ghetto....That's classic.
And if you are going to insult someone...at least use proper spelling.
Maybe she meant Get To as in
Maybe she meant Get To as in "this commenter needs to GET TO the psych ward from which it escaped"...
Geeze, get a job and stop
Geeze, get a job and stop doing all this...if that is a problem, move out and create your OWN life...this is ridiculous.
I'm on the fence about this
I'm on the fence about this one. I think I need more info. Does he threaten to take away his financial support if you don't driver her? Why is he supporting you? Are you not able to work or are you in an arrangement where you stay home with the kids?
Also, BM could die at any time and you would have the kid 100% of the time. Keep that in mind when you look at your future with this guy. Could you handle that?
He hasn't said he would take
He hasn't said he would take away support if i don't drive her but i haven't said anything about not driving her. I know it want do any good to talk about that. I did say we need to get her to a school closer to here but he said "no way she loves her school!" I am trying hard to find a job but not having any luck yet. I have always woked and its driving me crazy not to be. As far as if something happened would i be ok raising her??? No way! !! There is no way i will raise her.
SUmmer - where did you live
SUmmer - where did you live before you moved into the camper???
would you rather live like this and loose your own son in the process or would you rather do something about it and make you own kid and yourself happy, no man's wallet is worth any of this.
My son and I lived in a nice
My son and I lived in a nice home. 3 bedrooms 2 baths garbage. .i could go on. The camper is just temporary. We will have a nice big home when the house is finished. As far as my son,is is happy when she isn't here getting in the way and eating all of the food. My fiancé is good to my son and they get along very well.
why did you leave the house
why did you leave the house for a camper??
Because we had lived 4 years
Because we had lived 4 years driving back and fourth 2 and 1/2 hours for 4 years. We decided to build a house here and we had to go ahead and move in together. That way all our free time could be spent working on the house instead of on the road driving back and fourth. We was going to wait until my son graduated because he didn't have much longer to go but my son said he wanted to go ahead and move.
still does not explain who
still does not explain who paid for your prior house....
and Hon, you made a mistake, seems like you had a job, but you gave it all up to live in a camper, it's so so unfair and wrong towards your son, you could've waited till he graduated, you are the parent, you should've done right by him and not allow a 17 year old to decide his living conditions.
I had a job and paid for my
I had a job and paid for my house before moving. My son did want to move. It was his choice as much as mine. My fiancé and my son get along great and my son really needed a father figure considering his bio dad is nowhere around. My son wanted to move to be closer to a college he is going to go to.
Hon, I'm not saying you did a
Hon, I'm not saying you did a wrong thing, I'm saying you might have done it to quickly....
I would've waited till the new house was complete and my son graduated, and I would've saved up money to carry me and my son during the months I did not work. This way you fiance never would've had a hold over you financially
Summer, HL has some awesome
Summer, HL has some awesome advice and I think this is one of those times where she is right on point. I'm assuming you quit your job to move in with this man? The first mistake you made was giving up your house. And then you gave up your job which put you right where this man wanted you. He gets to sleep with the babysitter. If you can't talk to him about this situation, how are you going to survive a marriage? Sometimes you have to have those uncomfortable talks. I'm getting the sense that you are afraid to speak up. I think there's something else going on here but that's just my assumption. I could be totally wrong.
I'm really not sure what is
I'm really not sure what is going on with the mother. I just know since I moved in the bio mom doesn't want her daughter around. She maybe gets her a day or 2 then calls my fiancé and makes up reason's that she cant keep her and he is always ready and willing for her to come back. Of course he is because I'm the one getting stuck tending to her. I have mentioned some things to him about her but it causes a big fight. He will never understand when it comes to her. I am trying hard to find a job. I would love to call the school and report that but i still have hope that her mom will start taking care of her again and if i call the school and report it and she does change schools to one closer here then I will be stuck with her. And that is something i don't want at all
HL is right. I'm not judging
HL is right. I'm not judging you, by the way. Several years ago, I was the most insecure and needy chick you can imagine. I was so afraid of being alone and I bent over backwards to please others. Through a lot of self reflection and a little therapy, I realized that my people pleasing is actually a form of manipulation. I was trying to please others because I wanted something from them in return. In my case; I wanted love, loyalty, and someone to fill the void in my heart that was created when my father left us. Very deep seeded issues.
I have caught myself slipping back in to my old ways every now and then (I no longer date) but I remember that I can't MAKE someone love me. That by pretending to be what they want me to be, I am being dishonest with them and myself. By not standing up for myself and having those uncomfortable discussions, I am lying about who I am and what is important to me.
Again, I could be way off base and talking out my ass.
Time to tell DF that he has
Time to tell DF that he has to abide by the custody agreement or take BM to court to get custody and CS for the SD. Inform him that if you are going to raise this kid for her mother who is the CP then DH needs to nail BM's ass to the wall for CS so you can afford to get her into after school care and afford the Uber costs to get her to and from school.
Since you are going to be getting a job you won't be there to cater to this kid.
Pretty simple.