I really HATE his EX......
My fiances ex wife, is horrible!! she is the most unresonable person I have ever meet in my entire life. She recently moved with her husband and my fiances son about 45-50 minutes ONE way from where we live and she makes my fiance drive both ways to pick him up and drop him off. If my fiance dosnt pick him up or drop him off when she wants him to she will still complaining and pulling the whoel "you dont love your son" routine. She dosnt even speak to me, or anything. I was at work one day *im a assistant chef* so I work pretty odd hours. on this particuler day she called me repedatly because she couldnt get ahold of my fiance *he works out on a boat* and requests that I HAVE to go pick up their child because he needs to spend time with his father. Well his dad wasnt comming home untill the next morning. I tried to be very resonable with her saying that I will pick him up in the morning I dont get out of work untill almost 12am. well this didnt fly so well aparently so she goes "well you can pick him up when you get out of work" I tried to tell her that I wanted to go home take a shower and sleep and i will pick him up in the morning right after breakfast. well anyways the conversation contin ued I knew she wasnt going to let up so I finally said I would ***TRY to get out of work eearly to pick him up. I ended up getting out of work around 11:15 and where I work makes it a little under an hour one way to her place. so i'm on my way after being at work since 6am. i'm literally about 2 minutes away form her house she calls me and tells me she put him to bed and never mind. So I stoped and turned around I was heading back home when not even five minutes later she calls me up and tells me she has him all set to go.
So I turn around once more to pick him up, I finally get to her house and she wants a child cupport check. I dont write the checks so I said no, she continued on the sob story about how they need food and money to pay their morgage etc. etc. so I told her to ask the boys father tomorrow when she sees him, well thats not good enough, she all put practially threw me out of her house, with her child. I get into my car and relize that I dont have a booster seat for him, so I end up having to ask her for it and she gives me this long speel about how I need to start learning how to take care of her and her ex husbands son better!! WTF!!
When she got married to her new husband she invited us to the wedding reception (We didnt go)
but now because of all of that she refuses to speak to me or even look at me when my fiance and I drop her son of to her or anything, and my fiance seems to think we should invite her to the wedding. I personally don't want her there and I told my fiance that if he invites her then dont expect me to be there at our reception, I know thats a bit extreme but then you factor in that his ex goes to ALL of his family functions and his mother still calls his ex "her daughter in law" its all really frusturating, any ideas on hwo to handle things better???
and to top it off
Also to add the cherry to the ice cream, my fiance and I need to go throguh IVF to have a child together so we are saving up for that, well she seems to think that if we have money for IVF then he should pay more child support
I tried to set boundaries.
I have even tried to get DH to tell her to meet him half way she dosnt do that, she refuses and then she pulls the whole well if you want to see your son you need to pick him up or not see him at all.
I to am in a very similar
I to am in a very similar situation and am now thinking about not getting married because i'm tired of all the drama. I am also tired of fiance sucking BM's *ss and catering to her every whim. My fiance also works on a boat. He's only home 2 wks every 30 days and we have the kids almost the whole 2 wks except for maybe 2 days and we have no time together at all. If you are getting married it is supposed to be the most happy day of your life and if having BM at the reception will make you uncomfortable then she shouldn't be there. It is your day and he should understand that. Stick to your guns. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm new to the site and so very glad I found it as I am at my whits end.
I'm glad someone else
WOW! seriosuly I was starting to think that I was the only one with a fiance that goes out on a boat, fishing has gone downhill and he dosnt make the money he used to anymore so now he works two jobs just to keep up woth the morgage and his child support he pays about 210$ A WEEK for one kid, im sure that should be enough. Nope I was wrong, we need to go through IVF to have a child, and BM seems to think that if we can save up money for IVF he can pay more for child support...she is insane and sometimes IU just want to hit her with a baseball bat or something with alot of blunt force...
Boundaries
Readysetnot,
A nutcase BM won't adhere to boundaries unless she gets nothing out of trying to push them. The whole thing where she was having you drive to get the kid and then changing her mind half a dozen times, was about control. Don't let her do that anymore. Your BF and you need to get on the same page about this stuff, and NOT budge. When she called you to try to get you to pick up the kid, the answer should be "No, thank you, not my job." Click. SHe will freak and rage and call you names and berate your BF, and she'll try it again and again, but until you "train" her that it won't work, she'll keep trying. She just needs to get the clear message that she is no longer the one in control.
You say she "makes" your fiance drive both ways to get the kid. Does she have that in the divorce decree? If not, she can't "make" him unless he lets her. Again, boundaries. If he tells her he will from now on only do 50% of the driving, she will freak and threaten not to let him see the kid, and maybe even withhold visitation a few times. But when SHE needs to have you guys watch the kid, she will start to realize that it isn't in her best interest to do this anymore.
Look at your post, and pay special attention to every time you say "I TRIED" to do this, etc. Focus on the word "try". Every time you said that, you allowed BM to push you around and make you do what SHE wanted, not what you wanted. Sit yourself down and tell yourself that you are not going to do that any more. That's all it takes. Next time, you will TELL her, and if she argues: "CLICK!" Conversation over.
It takes resilience and endurance to stand up to a manipulative person. A lot of divorced dads can't do it at first because they're so terrorized by their exes that they think they'll never get access to the kids again if they assert themselves. They just need to get to the point where they resolve to do it. My DH managed it. And now the BM hardly ever even contacts us because she knows she can't get anything out of us other than EXACTLY what is in the divorce decree. Our lives have been SOOOO much easier for it!
Good luck!
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
i'm going through a similar situation
with FH's ex....she has finally given up (i think) of the idea of her and FH getting back together and now she's reverted back into being a 21 year old (only in her head)....she wants to go out and party all the time so she's trying to ditch the kids on the weekend. we had SS for weekend visitation and when we went to drop him off at 8pm she was not at her house. we called her cell and she picked up and it turns out that she was 50 miles away at a bar...(a bar? at 8pm? really?...maybe i'm just getting old...i don't know) and then she informs us that she's not coming home. i was pretty proud of FH cuz for a long time he just let her run all over him and our plans just always got put on the back burner. but he put his foot down and told her "that she better get in the car and get home or else he was going to involve someone else and get her for child abandonment" (i don't even know if that is a real thing you can have happen...but it certainly did the trick...she got her butt home) we stuck around for a min....to make sure she wasn't drunk or anything, in which case we certainly were not leaving ss there. bit by bit she's losing her evil powers...
She only has as much power as YOU give her...
and if you continue to play by her rules, she will continue to do the same kinds of things.
"If nothing changes, then everything stays the same" - we all know that old adage, but it is TRUE!!!
I used to be "nice" and bend over backwards for the SKids when it really was NOT my place. No More! You will never be appreciated for the good things you do, only the bad things. Good Luck!
?
How do you say no more for the skids? I have a situation simular and I tell myself all the time don't go there.Don't bend over backwards. How do you stop?
You just do it.
Tenplus, give me an example of a situation where you tried not to bend over backwards but ended up doing it, and I'll tell you how not to do that in the future.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)