Well, since it worked last time, my SD is now trying again. As some know, she got into bad trouble at school again. Well, now she is trying to sweet talk my husband into letting her come live with us again. She is telling us that her step-father tells her she can't move until she is 18, and that she just feels like a live-in maid at her mom's house. Yes, she has chores over there, yet when she lived with us, she wouldn't even do her own dishes?

So, my husband comes home last night telling me we need to find the paperwork for my SD to go before a judge and tell him/her that she wants to live with us...that because she is now 14, she can do that. I tell him, "Good luck with that! That involves money that we don't have!" He goes on to say we shouldn't need a lot money, because it is just her telling the judge that she doesn't want to live with her mom any more, and him making a new ruling. Supposedly, everyone has been filling his head with the crap that my SD had the right to just up and choose, and he has already gone and told my SD she has that right, as well!

I proceed to explain to him that everyone misinterprets the law...that what the law actually states is that a child at a certain age can talk to the judge and tell them what their preference is and why, and that the judge can use this information in making his/her decision. However, an actual case for custody must first be filed by one or both of the parents, and the child's desire is simply used as evidence in determining the case. I told him if a teen could truly just go up in front of a judge and tell them they want to live with X and it be done that way, the courts would be overrun with teens ticked off a their parents for one thing or another wanting to flip-flop back and forth. He didn't think I was right...he kept saying that the law was probably changed. I looked it up this morning...the law WAS changed, but not in the way he thinks. See, the old law said that a child could right a note to the court stating their wishes in a custody case. Now, this would result in both parents getting the child to sign a letter to present to the court. The new law states that a parent can request that the child be allowed to talk to the judge in chambers and tell them who they want to live with and why. That's it! Again, there must first be a custody case on the table!

In our case, such a case would be very expensive, because we would have a fight on our hands! My husband's ex is not going to give my SD up easily...or should I say, will not give up her money easily, as it always ends up being about the child support check. At the same time, she has her husband backing her, because supposedly her husband doesn't pay for things...doesn't want to pay for things...and as long as my husband's ex is getting that child support payment, he doesn't have to!

But what is really getting me is that my husband is buying my SD's story hook, line, and sinker! I know personally that it is all coming to be because she has again gotten in trouble, and she is now having to face the consequences at home, and doesn't like it. The weekend right before all this trouble happened, I was alone with my SD at the mall, and she was telling me that some of her friends from the school here were asking her when she was going to come back, and she was telling them that she wasn't. She was going on and on about the drama and dance programs at the high school she will be going to next year, etc. At that point, she had NO intention of moving back in with us! However, now that she has gotten into big trouble again, she wants to run away back to dad's house, which will only last as long as she realizes that she will not walk all over me.

I know it will not work if my SD moves back into this house! I have a feeling that is the way it is moving...as I can see my husband pressuring his ex to let her come back. I seriously feel like my marriage will end in divorce if she moves back here! Here is what I think should really happen (though my husband refuses to agree with me):

1. We all sit down...me, my husband, his ex, her husband, and my SD, and find out what is REALLY going on! At this point, we are only hearing my SD's side of things, and we all know how teenagers are. If they have one single chore, UGH, that is hard work and they are nothing but the maid. My SD has a habit of over-dramatizing things, so we need to get it all on the table.

2. IF things are truly like she says they are, and IF she is to move back into this house, my husband and I need to sit down, and he needs to agree to some things:

a. HE is the disciplinarian. I may ask her to put her plate in the dishwasher, get her stuff out of the dryer, etc. but if she gives me ANY lip, he needs to step in immediately and take control of the situation.

b. My SD will be required to clean up after herself, and my husband MUST reiterate this on a regular basis until she does it without argument.

c. HE is responsible for her if she gets into trouble. If she isn't doing her work and has to go to homework hall, HE needs to take off of work to go get her and bring her home (as there is no bus service for kids who have to stay after school). I will not take off work or send my son to go get her.

d. There WILL be consequences for bad actions. She will no longer be allowed to skate by for lying. If she lies, she is grounded, and that means NO TV, NO computer, NO phone, etc.

e. Her phone gets locked down so that she is not allowed to make/receive calls or texts after 10:00 p.m. or before 7:00 a.m. Additionally, she needs to bring her laptop to him at 10:00 p.m., as there will be no internet access after this time, as well.

f. She WILL do her school work, and failure to do so will also result in grounding. If she brings home a bad progress report or report card, she is grounded until the next progress report or report card comes out (which one or the other comes out every 3 weeks here).

Does that sound like too much? Is that too strict?

I mean, for those who don't know the situation, this is the child (who only turned 14 last month) who has gotten in trouble for having alcohol at school, who has already "experimented" with pot, has gotten suspended for destruction of school property, has been caught sneaking out of her mom's house, and most recently, is suspected of distributing a nude picture of one of her friends. We are talking serious stuff here. I prefer she not be in my house at all.