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How to Handle Stress of Teenagers

Misstar05's picture

I am a SM to 3 Teenage boys. I used to hate them but since the years past it has gotten better. I don't want to spend alone time with them like one on one. I usually just play with them on Sunday but that's about all the interaction I really have/want with them.

They are three teenage boys so all they do is fight and argue about fighting and arguing. They can argue over a red cup on why it's not red. One is a smart butt, one has aspergurs (spelling?) which is a forum of autism and the oldest just isn't mature. They are always loud, they don't have any common sense and it's like they are blind and can't clean up after themselves. These things stress me out! We have to tell them a 100 times to do the same thing like turn off the lights, or brush their teeth or close the door behind them. I know they are kids but they are not animals. I want to learn how to deal with the stress so I can prepare for my own child. When I go on vacation I feel so relieved because it's so quiet. Kids are kids but they aren't regular teenagers lol

Have any ideas on how to deal with the stress?

MamaFox's picture

As opposed to an actual monetary fee as Jeezlouise mentioned, I would make it an actual token. You know like the ones for carnival games? Color code them for each child. Make jars for Hygine, Chores, Electricity.

If they don't do any or all of those things NIGHTLY a token goes in each jar. Set a monetary amount for whoever has the least amount of tokens in each jar gets the average amount of tokens per child in cash. (EG quarters or gold dollars, wouldn't do more than that.)

After that, I wouldn't just give said child the money. I would take half and put it in another jar as a piggy bank. Then you have an object lesson in math with the average number of tokens, Monetary responsibility with the piggy bank, and a balanced rewards/consequences system.

Above alll YOU KEEP THE TOKENS BEFORE YOU GIVE THEM TO THE KID TO PUT IN THE JAR.

That way there is no cheating.

AVR1962's picture

I raised two stepsons. The boys were not quite 2 years apart in age. The oldest boy was a brainiak. The younger boy was a drama king. They both had trouble telling the truth and were very sneaky. They wanted to play sports in the house, always making comments to one another about the size of their penises and testicles and trying to bat each other in the groin. One of the boys was a thief and had a fascination with setting fires. The other boy was quite cocky, thought he was something.

The boys were always wanting to eat and didn't like cleaning up after themselves. I one day was fed up with it and I put their dirty dishes, pans and all, that they had not taken care of in their bed. That was the last time they didn't clean up after themselves. We had no more problem after that.

Light switches remained an issue and I finally gave up on trying to remind them on that one.

Perhaps a bit inmature for their age now but brushing teeth was also an issue with my SSs, and the oldest boy had to problem about changing his underwear.....he would actually wear the same dirty pair of underpants for a week. I made them up a chart that helped remind them of their responsibilities. I don't recall the age we stopped this but it did help. All they had to do was cross off what they did and we checked it at the end of the week.

To deal with the stress I did a lot of walking and at times I would talk out loud and gripe to my dogs if they were with me. At times I would be angry and had to get rid of that frustration I would go to the gym and lift weights. Finding time to myself was a stress reliever when they were living at home.

MamaFox's picture

Woodworking is extremely therapeutic. I absolutely love it. (Says the ex finish carpenter)

MamaFox's picture

Thats always pretty fun to watch.

Imagine little ole me at all of a buck 15 at 21 years old, turning a big ass table saw on and running panel boards through it, that out weighed me by a good 60#s!

I rocked that shit yo.

To this DAY if the owner of the old company gets an order in for anything built with exotic wood, he calls FDH and I.

I've got a few Cyprus and Spanish cedar boards I've saved from the scrap heaps, that I'll be making a hope chest for my future daughters with.

Rags's picture

Okay, crash course in dealing with teen boys.

Lights left on: More than once or twice - take the light bulbs or put in sensor switches that turn on when someone walks in and turns off when there has been no activity in the room after a short time.

Loud: Small propellant can air horn from Lowes/Home Depot/etc. When they get loud you ask them to quiet down. Ask only once then blast them with the air horn. It will shut them up in a hurry. Or a spray bottle. Ask only once, then douse them in the face with the water bottle if they do not fix the problem. Air horn or spray bottle each and every time until there is no more issue.

Mess: Someone already mentioned piling dirty dishes, garbage, etc.. on their beds. Do it. Regarding their personal belongings (clothes, shoes, mobile phones, iPads, wallets, etc)......., not put away, it all goes in a 30gal trash bag evenly mixed with kitchen waste and it all goes to the curb. Do not put the Skid stuff on the top or bottom of the bag. That makes getting it out too easy. They of course must make sure that the actual trash is cleaned up, bagged and put on the curb following their garbage escavation for their stuff. Either they figure it out before trash day and have to go dig it out of the trash bags under old coffee grinds, food waste, etc... or it goes to the dump. Preferably the dump since it will never be left out again that way.

Hygiene: This is probably the toughest one. We did not allow the Skid to accompany us in public if he was not clean and presentable (to our standareds). When things came to a head on this issue he had a choice. Effective bathing or we take him to the back yard with the dish soap and a long handled floor scrubber and we cleaned him. We never had to do that but we did chase him down the hallway with the scrub brush and dish soap before he dove in to the bathroom, slammed the door and showered. As for dental health, if he had yellow nasty teeth and breath that wold gag a maggot we would supervise the brushing of his teeth and make him chew one of those pink dye pills that stains dirty teeth. He had to brush until there was no pink. To really make a point when we would take him for dental check ups we told him that if the dentist said he had dirty teeth that any drilling would be done without novacane because we would not pay for novacane for him not taking care of his teeth. }:) }:) }:) We told him if he did not want to feel what un-numbed drilling felt like he could either take care of his teeth or pay for the novacane himself. Of course we never actually forced that issue to fruition either but he did get his dental hygiene under control.

I attended high school at a military boarding school. The pig squad either stepped up their personal hygiene of they recieved regular shower parties (dragged down hallway, thrown in the shower with only freezing cold water on, covered in basic household cleaning products and scrubbed with long handled floor brushes). That usually only happened once to an individual. Because Squad/Platoon/Company competitions for merrits/demerrits included hygiene a piglet Cadet could have major impact on his peers so the peers addressed any hygiene problems very agressively and effectively.

Have fun with it and be consistent.

Good luck.

Misstar05's picture

Thanks for the advice. We had a chore/point system but that fell apart b/c we (the parents) got lazy and they got older. They do their "chores" at night but still can't clean up after themselves. I'll definately take the sprayer/throw dishes on their bed ect. Thanks for the advice Wink