How do people deal with teenage/preteen step children?
My ss12 is always trying to get away with stuff, not being were he is supposed to be, lying not about huge things just normal teenage stuff. The problem is he doesnt live with us so when he does stuff we have nothing to do. An example would be a few weekend ago his Dad agreed to let him do something with friends and he would pick him up at an arranged location and time.
Of course ss did not show up or answer his phone. To make things worse when dh called bm she said she would find out was going on. An hour later dh called bm and she said oh he is sleeping over so and so's house.
Wrong! Dh ended up looking up the kids number , calling, and picking him up. SS was pissed and sulked in his room all night. They talked about what happened. the next day we did family stuff.
SS had asked ahead of time to leave early so he could go to a hockey game with a friend. Dh told him if the day went well he could still go.
Dh doesn't want to be the bad guy all the time. I feel like he should not have let ss go to the game.
What do other noncustodial parents do when teenagers are doing this kind of thing?
We only see him for one overnight now because when dh and bm went to court to discuss visitation problems she brought ss to court. He told the judge he didn't want to come anymore. The judge said only put one visit in the new order.
Sounds just like my DH. He
Sounds just like my DH. He never wants to be the bad guy until I get so annoyed and frustrated with SS's behavior. Then he is having a talk with him privately (I never know what they really talk about or how DH presents the situation) and then they are best buddies again. I feel very left out and feel like the bad bad stepmother.
Unfortunately I cannot give you any advise on how to deal with teenage behavior. I can only tell you that I find myself disengaging as much as possible from SS. When DH is at home, he is the one that needs to make every decision regarding SS (whether SS can hang out with friends, have a sleep over etc...). DH knows where I stand and knows what boundaries I'd like to see and knows how I feel about certain situations (sleepovers etc...) It's up to him to make the call and discipline SS. I avoid talking to SS as much as possible. It's very frustrating and DH and I fight a lot. I am in a very unhappy place right now.
Yah, that separated talk
Yah, that separated talk stuff. Blow that right out of the water. I don't care what they 'TELL' you was said. It's bullshit. They candy coat everything. If they were really laying it out on the line, why would they separate themselves?
Thankfully, we never dealt
Thankfully, we never dealt with this. As far as my DH got was TRYING to talk to skid about not getting pregnant and going to school and she told him to "MIND HIS OWN F#$%#$%#$5ing business!" lol That was all he needed to say "fine...I will". Never looked back!
Maybe you should help him to
Maybe you should help him to outline a set of guidelines. If the kid lies about where he is, two days of restriction, come home late, three hours early the next saturday night...etc. This way, the boy knows what he's in for. There's no arguing. Sort of like a traffic ticket, do the crime then pay the predetermined time. The kid should be able to assist with the outline, (that's the fun part!) Worked for me and my kids. Not my ss however, because my husband was far worse than yours. It gets worse with time, trust me. And all I ever heard, "I don't want to be the bad guy all the time!" Mmhhmm.
If you can communicate with
If you can communicate with your husband at all, ask him this. If, when he was this young, he were able to get away with this much crap, where would he be right now? Seriously. If he learned this manipulation game and learned that lies held NO consequence. If he were able to play one parent against the other with no consequence, what would have become of him? Fathers can love their kids TO DEATH. They can destroy a potentially good human being and turn them into entitled spoiled sociopaths. All in the name of not having to be the bad guy.
How to deal with teenage
How to deal with teenage skids? Get with a non-guilty enabling parent. If that fails, Xanax, wine, earplugs and a private office outside the home with a comfy chair and cable television!
when my time with the skids
when my time with the skids has gone completely down the shitter, xanax and wine are my friends too.
Got to be honest with you
Got to be honest with you here, im 30, have a SS14 and have a great relationship. Take him out for the fun stuff and talk to him on my level, when he fucks up, i just tell him im disappointed and that hes better off fessing up to BM and step back while she deals with it. Job done! all the fun and none of the bad stuff LOL