Don't know how much endurance I/We have left in us....
It's become a daily battle now... 15 y/o SD is driving us both nuts. First, she wanted to live with BM, so we let her.. that lasted all of 2 months, and then she got picked up by the cops, and we got her back, for running away from her mother.
From then until now (4 months-ish) it's been constant drama. She thinks we should allow her to smoke (cigs AND pot) in our house, F-bomb us as much as she wants, and come and go at all hours of the night, and there should be no repercussions. We disagree, of course. Every day it's something. She told her father to F-Off the other night because he wouldn't let her "go for a walk" at 11:00 at night, alone. She BEGGED him to let her go live elsewhere, and finally he told her he wouldn't force her to stay, calling her bluff. SO.. her version is that he is kicking her out of the house !!! NOT TRUE !!! He told her he wouldn't MAKE her stay, but that as long as she is here under our roof, she WILL follow our rules. How does that translate to kicking her out ???? It just goes on and on... we both work hard every day, and then we get to dread coming home becuase we're never sure what drama will rear it's head when we get here. Both of us are about at our wit's end. I don't know how much longer we can deal with this. We can't send her to her mother.. she already burned that bridge... we just have no choice but to continue trying to hold our ground... which has reached the level where both of us are literally physically ill some days from all the stress. What I wrote up there is just a teensy little taste of what every day is like here. I don't mean to whine.. I just needed to vent I guess... We are both just so tired, ya know ? He tries to get her to see reason. After all, she IS his child... but we both feel that it isn't going to get any better. Tonight, she managed to manipulate her older sister into "rescuing" her for the night, so he and I might actually get a little sleep... but she'll be back home tomorrow.....
Sorry if I rambled, but like I said.. I really needed to vent. Thanks for "listening".
EXACTLY I am in the SAME
EXACTLY I am in the SAME BOAT! MY 17 SS's mother will not let him live with her because he has caused so much trouble and now that her BF lives there he won't let me SS live there. But why should Me as the SM not have the same rights. My SS is getting to the point where when he turns 18 next week and we are putting all these demands on him that he will just move back in with his Mom, ha that will not happen, so the question remains what next? My H will not put him "in the streets" but if he only pops in once a week anyhow he obviously has someplace to "kick it".
I hate to say this
but I was that type of teenager. My mother and step-father delt with it from the time i was 13 til i was 16. At that time i went to live with my grandmother, reason, i ran away. However, what really made everything set in, was after i ran away my mother had be detained in the juvenile detention center, and from there i stayed for about 3 months. For a teenager it was hell. So I hate to say this that next time she decides to pull her crap tell the cops you are not responsible and have her locked up for a small while, she will change her tune then.
feeling your pain
I feel your pain. My 15 y/o BD is ruining my marriage. My husband doesn't have your endurance and has run out of tolerance. Last week my husband kicked my BD out of the house while I was out of town. He says it was the last straw, she was cyber-bullying her SS, and he couldn't take anymore from her. My BD came to live with us full-time last September after spending 2 weeks in a mental hospital. During this year she has gotten caught drinking in school and smoking pot. She lies (to everyone) and steals from her SS and her BS. We have enforced punishments & restrictions each time. She just gets worse. I have spent tons of resources on therapy & medications, spending quality time with her... giving her attention just to her. She openly states how much she HATES her SF and her SS. She tells me to leave my husband and that she NEEDS to live with just me. She's living with her father right now but he is an alcoholic who is drinking again and BD says can't take care of her. I want to do what is best for her, I don't want to divorce my husband and yet I know they can't live together. What kind of mother am I if I tell my daughter she has to live with her father when I know he is drinking again? My friends and family are telling me I can't abandon my daughter, that I should get an apartment and take care of her. They resent my husband for what he did by kicking her out of the house and not talking to me first. I feel like I've failed everyone - my SDs, my husband and my BDs.
Wow! Talk about a rock and a
Wow! Talk about a rock and a hard place. It sounds to me like your daughter doesn't know what she wants and so she thinks that something new will make it "all better".
What will happen if you do give into her and move away from your husband and stepchild and she continues the behavior? Then who will be to blame. It sounds to me like your daughter is being a teenager and trying to have all the power. In my opinion, if you give into her demands you are just enabling the behavior.
As for your friends and family, I don't see any of them offering to help by taking her in.
Good Luck!
feeling your pain
I feel your pain. My 15 y/o BD is ruining my marriage. My husband doesn't have your endurance and has run out of tolerance. Last week my husband kicked my BD out of the house while I was out of town. He says it was the last straw, she was cyber-bullying her SS, and he couldn't take anymore from her. My BD came to live with us full-time last September after spending 2 weeks in a mental hospital. During this year she has gotten caught drinking in school and smoking pot. She lies (to everyone) and steals from her SS and her BS. We have enforced punishments & restrictions each time. She just gets worse. I have spent tons of resources on therapy & medications, spending quality time with her... giving her attention just to her. She openly states how much she HATES her SF and her SS. She tells me to leave my husband and that she NEEDS to live with just me. She's living with her father right now but he is an alcoholic who is drinking again and BD says can't take care of her. I want to do what is best for her, I don't want to divorce my husband and yet I know they can't live together. What kind of mother am I if I tell my daughter she has to live with her father when I know he is drinking again? My friends and family are telling me I can't abandon my daughter, that I should get an apartment and take care of her. They resent my husband for what he did by kicking her out of the house and not talking to me first. I feel like I've failed everyone - my SDs, my husband and my BDs.
This hell never ends... it's
This hell never ends... it's a year later.... when SD moved out, she stole from me... A collection of first edition books by my favorite author, many of which were given to me by my family members as gifts... BUT I can't prove it...
As if that wasn't enough... a pair of glass birds are now missing from my mother's house.. she's had them for over 40 years.... again, can't prove a thing.
Two years can't pass quickly enough.