Constantly thrown under the BM/SD bus
Anyone else constantly the scapegoat for SD14 and her BM when the relationship between the two of them and my clueless DH's relationship is in the shitter? DH and his DD haven't seen each other in a year and she hasn't been to our home in 18 months. Mostly her crappy attitude, grades, suspension from school and DH's apathy, lack of parenting combined with Disney Dad tactics have created this situation. Somehow, I'm always the hate filter for SD and her BM. Christmas Day he got a text from BM, "Hope you and your c***t wife are having a happy holiday. My daughter has cried over you for the last time." WTF! Is this the same kid who fought tooth and nail not to have to come visit, then got suspended from school and continued to fight about coming down for the next 6-8 weeks until she had a renewed need to come visit (which just so happened to coincide with Christmas and her birthday)?
His response, 'please don't say things like that about people I care about."
Yep, this is the bigger than life, tough guy who wouldn't take crap from anyone, but somehow these two females run the show....OMG.
YES, it is ALWAYS OUR FAULT,
YES, it is ALWAYS OUR FAULT, hehe, I take joy in the fact that their misplaced anger will bite them in the butt, and it has in my situation.
You can bet your ass that
You can bet your ass that when she's with her bm, she's singing a different tune. To her mom, she probably says, I hate you. I want to see my dad but you make it so impossible. This is all your fault!! Whaaaahhhh!!!!! She playing them both and you're right, you have become the scape goat for all of it. When he complains of not seeing his daughter, I would say nothing if I were you. Sit back and see how long it takes for him to man up and grow some gonads. Without you on his side, probably not too long. He'll get sick of it.
I refuse to allow anyone to complain about their shit to me when their shit is totally fixable, changable, doable, they're just too lazy to do the work, too greedy to give something up, or too weak to risk anything.
You are so right on. He just
You are so right on. He just doesn't care enough to do anything about any of it. It's easier to just give in and count the weeks/months until he's done with child support. He thinks all of the problems will just magically go away when she turns 18 because he won't be finacially responsible for any of it.
I tell him I would take her mother to court, argue that fact that she didn't do any couseling when her daughter was cutting herself last year(if she truly was in trouble and not just saying she was cutting for attention), the fact that she decided to take her out of public school and home school instead (this was because poor SD was taken out of class to principal to be questioned about some allegations that she was hitting other students, so BM jumps in and withdrawls her from school), that he hasn't had the opportunity to see her on his EO weekend in 18 months. He doesn't want to do that because he's already convinced that the courts are against all fathers, always rule in the favor of mothers and that unltimately we will hire an attorney and just end up paying more child support.
Part of this is correct and I see his point but if something was happening and I was worried about the welfare or best interest of either of my bio-kids, I'd be up my ex's ass in a second. Not him. It's like he's already resolved himself to the fact that he's helpless in the situation and beating his head against the proverbial 'wall'.
This exact post has been
This exact post has been posted before....
Hell yes!!! Read my last
Hell yes!!! Read my last posts on BM and her ability to blame me for stuff that happened three years ago and continues today, despite the fact that I have not seen SD for over two years now.
He just didn't like hearing
He just didn't like hearing the truth. He sounds like a huge wuss
DH and his ex were together
DH and his ex were together at a young age, she got pregnant while they were planning a wedding. SD was born in Jan, they married in Sept same year and divorce was final by Sept. the following year. She already had a son (non-existant father) at age 18, had SD at age 23-24 and also has twins, also out of wedlock. Besides the twins, all children have different fathers. We know she's not winning any awards for morality. At the time that my DH and his ex were married, he was working on the road and would be gone for a week, occassionally two at a time. She slept with someone else and then when he came home one week, she told him not to bother.
I'm also divorced, and as an ex-wife, I couldn't be bothered to use any valuable energy on my ex. He is my daughter's father. That's their relationship. I am very open to discussions with him. I offer him all of the information that she brings home from school, include him in all of her school activities, etc. I encourage her relationship with him. He is the only father she will have. Why would I take that away from her, regardless of MY feelings about him???
My DH's ex and he have been divorced for 13 years. She's remarried (not to any of her kid's fathers) and yet it's still a mission for her to make him pay. I'm not sure for what, she cheated and threw him out. He moved on and went to college, got a degree, has a great job. We married 2 years ago and own two homes, I have my own business. I guess we could chalk it up to jealousy. She and her new husband move every year or two, most likely I think they stop paying rent and get evicted, although I have no proof. Who else would WANT to move with 4 kids?
The baffeling part for me is how WONDERFUL of a father my DH is with our son and my BD. How is it that he can see black and white, discipline, love, encourage, participate and nurture with these children and be so apathetic and uninvolved in his other child's life? Is it because they have only ever spent EO weekend together from the time she was a year old? Does he just not have a father-daughter relationship? Is it guilt? I have a hard time being one kind of parent to my bio-children and then changing my parenting style to accommodate the SD. Rules are rules, respect is respect, regardless of what child it is.
Anyone has an insight?