Christmas
Do I have to spend as much on my SD13 for Christmas as I am spending on my daughter? She lives with us, however her behavior has been beyond atrocious and I don't feel she deserves much more than a lump of coal for Christmas (See my last topic for more details). Her father said he got her a nice gift. My daughter is a great kid and she listens without asking a question. She gets good grades in school and never gives us a problem. I think she deserves an awesome christmas. This is the first year my stepdaughter has been with us for xmas. Can I get away with buying my daughter more than her? Or should I pretend the extra gifts are from other family members? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I am not willing to spend all kinds of money on her when I don't feel she deserves it. I think she should see that you can't get what you want if you don't follow the rules or respect the household.
Ok well I bought my daughter
Ok well I bought my daughter an IPAD mini and there is no way in hell I am spending that much on my SD. BUT her father spent about that much on SD main gift, so I was thinking that whatever I get my daughter from here on out, I will get the same amount for SD. I just cannot spend $250 on a child that does not come home after school for days, doesn't follow the rules at all, swears like a sailor and is failing several classes due to not completing homework/assignments.
If DH has already bought SD
If DH has already bought SD an expensive gift, I wouldn't fret over it. If the brat throws a fit, she throws a fit. I'm taking it that your daughter is yours with DH, correct? I see so many folks, on here it is hard to remember. If so, if SD throws a fit, remind her that the only parent gifts your daughter gets if from you and DH...she should still get gifts from her mom. Same thing in this house...yes, SD lives here. However, DH adopted my kids, which means the ONLY gifts they get (outside of grandparents that they all get) are here...they ONLY have two parents buying gifts...not some 3-4 parents buying them gifts. She wants to throw a fit because my daughter got more things than her, oh well! SD lives in this house...she gets clothes, DH bought her $200 worth of makeup, etc. BD22 lives on her own, and thanks to her job cutting everyone's hours, she is working two jobs to make ends meet. She can't afford to buy nice things for herself...so if I want to buy her some clothes, cologne, earrings, nail polish, I see that as fit...the girl is working her arse off, and isn't asking for my help for anything! Oh, and I'm already hearing from SD14 how it isn't fair that BS18 is getting more gifts than her this month...hello, his birthday is this week! He doesn't really get a separate birthday and Christmas like most other people do!
Thanks, that is very true.
Thanks, that is very true. She will be going to her moms and getting more gifts. Thanks for the idea!
If DH spent the same amount
If DH spent the same amount on your SD then I wouldn't worry.
Also not trying to jump to conclusions here (If I am, I apologize in advance) but you say she doesn't come home for days after school, failing grades and doesn't follow rules...do you know if she is using drugs? Just wanted to ask as these were some of the first clues we had and ignored before finding out my SD was using. Just trying to prevent another disaster as I went through pure hell. If you think she is, have yourself or DH nip it in the butt now before its too late.
Thank you, that's how I feel
Thank you, that's how I feel but I just wanted to make sure I'm not being a complete ass. I mean I wont exclude her, I will get her some gifts but I'm not going to go all out like I will with my daughter who actually deserves it!
SD is getting $200 uggs. im
SD is getting $200 uggs. im not happy about it. she has done nothing to earn them and she acts like she is entitled to them and pretty much demanded that her dad buy them for her for christmas. she's getting a t-shirt from me and i said id do a small stocking for her. that's it.
I know her father spent at
I know her father spent at least $250 on her and I'm not happy about it at all. She has gone out of her way to break the rules ever since she has moved in. Unreal. I am not spending more than $50 on her, I'll tell you that right now.
If her dad spent at least
If her dad spent at least $250.00 on her, she is getting plenty, there is no need to spend more than $50.00 on her if you don't want to.
My DH and I put both of our names on all the gifts we give.
I sure don't want to! I
I sure don't want to! I honestly don't feel she deserves my $50 but in the spirit of Christmas I will be the bigger person.
Is DH spending the same on
Is DH spending the same on your daughter as he is on SD? I would take that into consideration. Wait...is your DD his as well? I personally am not spending a dime on SD. I refuse to at this point. When DH mentioned what he was getting my DD for Christmas (we have separate finances) I told him not to feel like he needed to get DD anything, as I was not getting SD anything. I told him I would write on DD's gifts that they were from him as well. This is the first year that it is being done like this and I am enjoying it
How we did it in the past was that we each would agree on a dollar amount we each would spend on each of our individual bio children (we each have one) and then we designated a dollar amount that we each would spend on the other's bio child (our step-child). This worked as well.
In your situation, I would not at all be concerned about spending the same on SD as you are on DD. Get her something in a price range your feel comfortable with. Its the thought that counts, after all.
Yeah we have a child together
Yeah we have a child together and his daughter lives with us. I really don't feel like buying anything for his daughter because she doesn't deserve it. But I will try to show some Christmas spirit...not too much though.
Sounds like an opportunity
Sounds like an opportunity for a Bath and Body Works trip. 3 for $20 lotions or something like that.
This^^^ is a great idea
This^^^ is a great idea
I'm not going to get my
I'm not going to get my stepchildren anything. I may get my BS6 a gift or two, but that's it. I don't feel guilty at all. I'm trying to pay off debt and save money. Don't feel bad, she's not your daughter.
I would say that both kids
I would say that both kids should get ~ the same between both of you!