There can be depression. I went through that with my husband, even though the divorce was for the best he still felt sad and conflicted. The kids were always a red button issue for him, and they still are. Like in your situation they are teenagers and boys and older. He always says "they'll be adults soon, so I want to make the most of the time while they are still in high school." When they are around, they pretty much are the stars of the show. I can deal with it. What is harder is the guilt that the husband still has and the way that it will manifest, out of the blue. He is not cold towards me when his kids are around, but I notice he is not as affectionate either. Don't misunderstand, I don't want him to be attacking me, but he often will not hold my hand, and he'll sort of not walk with me. It hurts too because I am purposely stepping back allowing the space for him to make time with his kids the priority, and it does disrupt our routines big time, so I do not have much patience for the lack of gentlemanly kindness when we are all out together, which is usually only minimally. In short, he often forgets to meet me in the middle even a bit at times because he gets so consumed with worry about their needs and feelings. He can totally forget that I am a human being who can feel pain as well. Th worst is when I get the "you're an adult" bit. As though the means I should be ok with however little he chooses to give. Honestly, all it would take would be the occasional expression of affection, but sometimes it just is not there.

The knee jerk guilt does sometimes improve but it takes time My husband is nowhere near as bad as he was, but it took a couple of years. It could be that your guy just wants to relish the last year before graduation, and perhaps with time and distance from the heaviest of the divorce guilt, he'll relax a bit. It is up to you if you think that he is worth taking a chance on and investing the time. Ask yourself if you can live with this worst case scenario.

Perhaps because he is the step he is even more sensitive about not wanting to be another man who leaves. The guilt stuff can really strangle a relationship. Step back and look at the situation from a distance if you are able, and see if there is really something worth allowing the space for this relationship to co exist with his parental expectations of himself and you.

Best of luck!

I assume you really like this guy or you wouldn't be here. Things may change in just a few months or more likely he's going to want to see this kid as often as possible even years from now.

I agree with you that he's depressed over his lost family and has not (and may never) get over it. Are you willing to spend a few more months if he sees a counselor? A good marriage counselor should be able to do wonder in just a few months, 2 or 3 and if not you should give him up.

If he balks at seeing a counselor tell him the relationship is at stake and if he still won't go then it's time to break it off. As someone said above, block his phone, your social sites like Facebook if any and be firm with any contact he manages to make.

You state you've only recently started dating this guy. Perhaps he's not ready to have a steady every weekend dating commitment in the relationship. He's been divorced a year. Rushing him into the expectation you must spend every weekend together may not be what is a ready for or wanting.

You know what the teen is like so obviously you've meet him and spent some time with the kid during your visits when your boyfriend is seeing his SS on SS weekends. So it doesn't sound as if BF has abandoned you completely EOWE, yet he has agreed to only seeing the SS EOWE entirely. I 'get' it, you'd prefer the kid went completely away. But that's not a decision you can make for this gentleman. He raised the kid for the last 10yrs. It's not something he's going to just 'get over' and cut an apron string from. He loves this teen. BF doesn't want to cut the ties to the SS. BF dumped and divorced the ex-wife, but he didn't divorce the kid nor should he be expected to cut all ties with the teen who looks up to BF as a father figure.

This kid , you say, has a bright future. Obviously than the teen has plans for college and a career. It's not long before this young man up and starts his own life as an adult who will only be around on a limited basis as he'll be busy building his own adulthood. Yeah, kid will probably still be connected with his father figure and spend evenings/dinners occasionally with BF...but is that a 'bad' thing? No young man continues to hand EOWE with any parent (even a 'adopted' one). So I don't think the issue is really there's no time for you, but rather you desire the kid gone from your boyfriends life completely. If that is the case, you've very likely chosen the wrong gentleman.

I hate to say it, but I agree with the others. My SD was 14, almost 15 when DH and I met. By the time DH and I became serious, about 3-4 months into our relationship, he was clearly putting me before SD. Not to say he didn't love and want to be around SD, but he knew that she was a teenager with her own activities and friends, so he didn't feel the least bit guilty letting our relationship flourish. We couldn't stand to be apart from each other, and even when he did have her on occasional weekends, he would ask me to come and spend time with them because suddenly they were bored and couldn't think of anything to do to make the time pass.

This man is clearly not ready to date. I'd say either be patient until the kid goes to college and see if there's any change, but most likely things won't change. I'm sorry.