Why in the hell are you trying to force your *almost* adult SS to have you on his FB?!?

I would have deleted my page, too, if my stepparent was trying to force themselves to be my "friend."
It's likely, BTW, that he still has a FB page, but has just blocked everyone you know.
Leave this man-child alone. Seriously. He's an adult in 3 months. Forcing him to be your FB buddy is...kinda sick, imo.

I ask this in all seriousness. Does he have a learning disability? Or does someone think he does but has never taken him to be diagnosed and get the help he needs? Even if he doesn't have a disability, he may need professional help. And he definitely needs "Dad" to step up and help him.

If ANYone tried to force me to friend them on FB? I'd likely delete that page, too. And create a new one. I really don't get why you need to be one of his FB friends...

For the most part I stay in the back ground on ST because compared to the other posters I'd feel like an ass posting about the crap in my house but this time...

WTH would an almost 18 yr old want you trolling his FB page? I agree with the others, I'd delete my page and simply create another with kickass settings so you don't know it exists.

As far as dad washing his hands...Yeah, that'll help. No one is holding this young man accountable for anything, no one is holding his feet to the fire so why should he do anything other than mooch off of you all. When he's 18, unless he has somewhere to go, do you really think he'll move on?

You can, IMO, disengage to a point but unless you want to live in a pigsty you will be cleaning up after him, cooking for him, providing his extras, etc.

How about taking the game and giving it back after he has contributed something around there...i.e. earning privileges, extras? Take away computer except for use for school work...make him help out around there and earn his friggin keep to an extent. Who gives him money? Have him do farm chores to earn it?

Just suggestions...

I haven't read all the comments on this post but I wanted to just say that I had ss19 live with us two years ago for a year and then has moved in and back out since then 3 times. He is a mess now - jobless with a pregnant gf - and NOT MY PROBLEM!!!

But what I wanted to say is something I heard two years ago from someone on this forum that made sense to me. Think of your home as a motel you run and your skids as guests (bare with me here plz). Ok if you run a motel by providing full services such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, internet, phone, warmth, comfort - your guests will want to stay forever - especially if it's FREE! However, if you provide a motel with limited services such as cooking, warmth and maybe throw in a once a month cleaning - your guests are not going to want to stay any longer then they absolutely have to - which in skids cases will be 18 yrs old. Now if this guest decides to pitch into the upkeep of the motel like do dishes, clean his own "motel" room/bathroom, take out garbage, cook, keep grades up (going to school is a kid's job) etc, he can earn not only perhaps a bit longer of a stay in your motel, but he can earn some internet service, maybe help with pets and he can have a cell phone, rake leaves and suddenly he gets cookies baked for him... ya get my drift.

My sister has a friend who had a bio daughter who was so bad with being rebellious that she lost everything b/c this friend said that everything about living in dad and moms home was a priviledge so all those privs were taken away, even the bedroom door until this teen learned how to earn her privs back and this made her more grateful after losing everything.

All 3 of my teens do not have me as friend on their FB pages and I do not have them on mine. I personally believe that I want the privacy from there just as much as they want privacy from me. No teen in their right mind wants mom or dad or step parents intervering in their private friendships. I know when I was a teen and I had a close relationship with my mom, if FB had been a thing back then I would not have had my mom or dad on my FB friend list. Now at age 40+ I have everyone from my parents generation on my friend list. Teens NEED privacy from parents.

Dtzy, it's our (not your or I per se) but the parents' faults. We tend to coddle our kids, there is more for them to have (games, phones, tanning salons, cars, credit cards even) than I had when I was a kid or teens. We give these things without requiring much of the kids so they in turn grow up believing that's just the way it is.

Sadly, my youngest son grew up with that mentality, my fault, yes - guilt driven, yes, but he was in for a rude awakening when he went back to Cali and found that no one was going to support his as we did. He HAD to get a job (two even) to support himself and allow him to get through school. He can't call me for his incidentals, he can't call on me for paying his way. I told him, once he was talking about going back home to live that I supported his decision but he would be on his own. I send care packages every now and then because I want to not because he expects me to. I am proud of the way he doesn't ask for anything and will do without until he can get it for himself. He moans about not having any extra funds to "hang out" but I listen and laugh because he knows my response will only be...Welcome to the real world, Son!

I didn't have a free ride and made mistakes along the way but what they never saw was me holding my hand out for Daddy to take care of me. If Dad helped it was because he was a typical grand parent wanting to spoil the babies. That was all well but even then I held some tihngs back because it was excessive and they earned them.

Kids today have too much, IMO, and they just aren't required like we were to contribute to much. My step brother of 47 still depends on my SM! As matter of fact, he has her now living with him as a mom/wife. He still leans on her, lays all over her and calls her Mommy in a baby voice (from what I hear from my son). GROSS!!!

These kids, go out into the world being stunted and then where do they go when the world chews them up and spits them out...?

I'll leave that question open.

PS. Oh wanted to say, CPS cannot step in if you are housing, feeding and clothing this kid. Everything else can get given to goodwill! Including the bedroom door }:)

He is what he is at this point in life. You don't get a do over at 17.5.

Just make sure your DH is okay with kicking his lazy ass out the moment you can legally do so. And NEVER let him back in.

My SS has been homeless and jobless at times. Today he is no paragon of virtue but he has a job and a place to live because he learned that NO ONE was going to bail him out anymore.

Oldone, and your SS will probably be the one that will stand on his own because at some point he probably began to take pride in while having little, it was his own and he made it so.

There is one thing my son keeps saying over and over again...he is 20 btw and living on his own in a beach city in CA. Yeah, Mom, while it may be expensive and you think I can find something cheaper, it is what I want and I will make it happen, by hook or crook. To do anything less and disappont myself and you, Mom, will be failure to me. I can't imagine having to come back home to you, live with your rules, have to check in and eat food you cook and provide. That to me is being less than a man, so I'll just suck it up and make it work!"

Talk about a mother with a smile shining brighter than all the stars in the skies...I played it off and just said, Son, I am proud of you...but you can best believe, I was in tears. THAT, Ladies, is what I reflect on when I send the care packages...I am doing because I want to do it and I think he has earned it, not because he needs me to. When he receives the nice stuff compared to the cheap dollar store stuff he will buy to save money, he is thankful and will stretch that little stuff until he has to go get his own cheap stuff again...LOL!

Another thing we parents sometimes fail to instill in these kids...a sense of pride! I find it interesting that some of these adult kids feel nothing for going back to their parents with their hand out. I would do without rather than ask for anything from anyone, character flaw - maybe, but my pride was something else that would not allow me to fail and be needy.

Yes, I took it to an extreme but that pride was what also allowed my dad to feel nothing about trying to help me. He knew it was hard for me to accept anything from him when my then DH and I struggled.

lmc1218 - I think if SS joined the Navy he will find his way. I say that because the military, esp BMT, will not coddle him, baby him or take care of him like a parent will do. They will force him to stand on his own, be a part of a working machine (a team) that requires everyone carry their weight to accomplish a goal. I think BMT is an awesome way to find out what young men/women are made of. It also forces these kids to face how stunted some of them really are. There are many, as my oldest son, that go through with ease because they are used to rules and regulations.

On the flip side, there are those that wash out or have to retrain because they couldn't cut it. They are the ones, like my SB, that can't hack it because they have been sheltered and not much was ever required of them.

Good luck with this young man and try not to give up completely on him, that will reinforce the laziness...how about USMC where they are really hard on their newbies? Just a light hearted suggestion no harm intended!

You live on a working farm and the father has left it up to you or at least left it up to nobody to parent this kid. Start by eliminating Internet connection. If you or your husband need it set up a Local Area Network or LAN that needs a password to enter. Your local Radio Shack or Internte Cable Provider can explain further. He doesn't get a password.

Or you can use the hand held iPods or whatever to access the internet which also can require a password. Your cell phone provider can help. The end result is he has no Internet connection and he is told he can pay for it himself now that he's an adult. Any school work can be done at the local library which usually provides connected computer.

From his grades I'm posiive the kid is just bored with school. He's not psycho he needs stimulation which he's getting from his electronic devices. The point is don't think this kid will be a failure in life - he just needs to get past high school and kicked out. For the moment you can ask himw hat is plans are after he fails high school and leaves the home because no military takes non-graduates. It'll remind him his time is falling short.

As for helping around the family business convince his father to take his house key away and the house is off limits during working hours as well as his electronic devices. If he wants to sit in the barn all day after school and weekends then let him. Of course no food past breakfast until the family dinner.

I'm assuming he doesn't get an allowance - so I wonder how he gets all these devices. Telling drugs on the village corner? Surely you guys aren't providing them. If so then they're Dad's property and he can destroy them at will.

Back to your original question. You end your irritation at all of this by redirecting your thoughts. I.e. you consciously tell yourself to stop worrying about this kid. Remind yourself that it'll soon end with the kid leaving and you can go the distance with just a little mental readjustment. This may be better than all the suggestions I've made here as well as the others of which I haven't read all of them.

I relate with you to a point. We both have a SS turning 18 in April and he does not care about school. Its bc there has been a lack of parenting and the parents allow the laziness. Sounds like your husband needs to kick his butt and forget the counseling for that won't cut it.

Does your SS think that he will be making video games for a living too?

I wouldn't drive yourself crazy about the FB issue. He wants to be a dink, let his dad handle him. I think that he needs a wake up call and a good kick in the butt. If he is not made to care, you shouldn't waste your time trying to get him to care.

Its going to take his dad having to parent or kick him out before it gets better IMHO.