I married a wonderful woman 2yr who I adore. We get along great with each other for the most part and seem very compatible. She is want I am in this for. We each have 3 kids with differing schedules. She has kids from two marriages and me one. So we have 3 sets of other homes to deal with.

If we have issues it usually revolves around kids; hers or mine. I have one son 19, not here most of time so not an issue too much. I have a girl 15 and a boy 9 and here 50/50.

Stepkids; girl 9 here full time. Then boy 15 and girl 17 here every other weekend. Girl 17 works and not here much, no issues. Boy 15 pretty good, but is 15 year old boy with 15 year old usual issues. Girl 9, good, almost too good. Wants to help adults do things or younger kids etc.

One problem; SD9 and BS9 have frequent conflict. SD tattles often. Mom mostly ignores, but occasionally says or does something. Other day I reacted at SD9 tattle on my son. It's like she is going to do everything in her power to get him in trouble. Constant tattle about anything. And very often now she has learned to disguise it as passing conversation. Mom does not see it as problem and defends it. It is not like son is physically going to be a threat, she is way bigger. It is all about mouth stuff. My feeling is that any confict between them not observed by one of us should be dealt with by having both present. If one has accusation against other and seriously needs to be addressed then both should be present to hear what other has to say. I've dealt this way a number of times, mostly (no all) the girl telling on boy and it realting to how she felt. Boy never tells anything btw. And a number of times I have reprimanded my own son *after* hearing both sides, but in a way that I felt was fair. I hate the tattle tale thing passionately, although I don't want to send wrong message by making it impossible for either of them to bring issues to me when needed. I sometimes ignore petty tattle tale stuff as does mom. But omg, it is so damn often, and as a means to get son in trouble. It has caused distress between my wife and I.

Second issue; SD9 is so tied to mom and almost like trying to raise her position with mom a little higher than my own. I refuse to compete with SD for mom. If she has to have mom I will back off. But it is at times a stress. We get in car, just us three, and it's constantly mama. And mostly mama and her and just me to side at times. She interupts me with my wife often and continuously at times. I just stay quite and wait. She raises her position with mom above all the other kids. So like she feels she can freely enter our room with mom in shower but guards if anyone else tries to enter. Like she is only one who has right to be present when mom dressing etc. Sounds weird, but it is sort of an more intimate connection in that way, and she sort of guards that. She even tried a few times to guard me. Like my wife is in our bathroom, she comes out, and I'm going to go in and then she says my mom is in there without clothes like its ok for her to be there but not me. However I quickly made it clear she did not need to protect her mom's nakedness from me. So that ended. And it used to be the min I get up early on weekend or whatever, then she immediately goes in to sleep with mom. Mom sleeps late. And sometimes I will go back to lay with her after being up for a while early. Just to be with her. But then with her there its not like I can then snuggle up to my wife. And at times it would be annoying cause like her SS is asleep on couch after playing games all night on TV. And then I really couldn't find a place to be except kitchen. So mom just sleeps through it all and I stand in kitchen and try to be quiet. Thankfully that has gotten better. But not without pain. When I complain that I want some form of bed time she is like, its no big deal, let the kids have fun etc. But SD position with mom is higher than other kids. She is with us full time and others are stepkids or not here full time. But SD really emphasizes her position in suttle ways. She is very nice most of time and does not want mama to be mad at her for anything. But its sort of strange sometimes because its too nice and sometimes sort of artificial or niceness for a purpose rather than just natural. So sometimes that annoys me. Too nice? Like this would be so much easier if she was a boy. I can relate better to boys. Like with SS15. I can deal with him on my own. If mama isn't there to protect him from me (she is defensive) I can deal with him and we'll be fine for the most part. But SD is emotional, sweet, nice, often helpful. But its like if your attention is directed at one of the other kids, she immediately seeks to put herself in. Like what about ME??

I also have issues with my own daughter. She is a cheerleader, with attitude, and can be a b at times. It crosses line when she starts with passive agressive attitude with my wife. My wife is first then her. She also has so many great qualities and strengths. i never have to be on her to get her homework done as an example. She is not out having sex or hanging out with wrong crowd. So I am thankful in that way.

I guess my wife has issues with my kids and I hers. And really none of the kids are bad kids on the whole. It's just how we deal with it and how we understand each other. And different points of view.

All in all it makes for some stress in our relationship that doesn't seem to always get better. Some strides yes, but still other problems at times. God I hate this part of parenting and husbanding.

In principle I am completely loyal to my wife. I have explained to my daughter that my wife is first, not her. But then carrying out that loyalty. Well I do defend my kids to a degree. It is instinct. I just hate that it has to come to mom and SD9 against me and SS9 or some other combination of alliances. We are supposed to be united etc. And we both believe that. On paper we are in agreement. But practically maintaining that is not as easy as it seems.