Feeling invisible with my step-kids
I am needing some advice. I am married to a man who lost his former wife to cancer. Although I more and more realize the issues related to that in regards to kids and I connecting with me as their step mom, I want to forge ahead. My 3 step teenage stepkids are still adjusting to their dad remarrying. They most often ignore me when they enter the room with both my husband and I present. This just happened again last night. I also made them dinner which they made sure to eat. The oldest boy gets along well with me, and does talk with me, however the the oldest girl barely talks to me unless she needs something. She most often refuses to be in a picture with me and she always goes through her dad to ask anything of me. I find her difficult, demanding and lazy. But, I do my best to be positive with her as I do love her and also want to encourage a good relationship with her. I am aware of the issues around the fact that their mom passed and a stepmom is not so welcome for that reason. However, I am struggling with often feeling invisible in my own home and it affects me negatively.
I have 2 kids of my own and they get along great with my husband and pretty well with the other kids. At times, I feel like the odd man out as the only one not well-received or allowed into the circle. Any thoughts?
How old are your kids and do
How old are your kids and do they live with the steps? How long ago did wife pass away? How long have you been married?
I would say, don't force it.
I would say, don't force it. I know that can be hard to do when you feel invisible but forcing a relationship to happen can make things worse. You don't say how old your kids are or mention your third step kid but it sounds like the two oldest step kids are teenagers? Some of this could just be normal teenage behavior. Our SS15 will come over for the weekend and sometimes if I can get one sentence out of him the whole weekend I consider it a success. So some of it might just be her age but sounds like she is also grieving for her mother and doesn't really know what to make of new mom quite yet. It sounds like you are doing the right things and unfortunately I don't think there is much to do but continue to be positive and give it time. Have you tried to do anything with her 1 on 1? Maybe you could mitigate that feeling of invisibility by trying to do things with the kids in smaller groups? What does hubby say?
Your story sounds so much
Your story sounds so much like mine. Both my husband and I are widowed and newly remarried. His children are older and starting to treat me horribly. It really hurts, I just posted my question here for the first time today. Good luck to you. I wish I had a better answer. This life is really challenging when you are balancing grief and a new life.