SS14 with Aspergers - struggling!
Don't know what do with my SS14 who has Aspergers. We only have him at weekends (thank God!) He sits in his room all the time (which is a blessing really) only comes out 30mins out of 24hrs sometimes. I'm sure there are prisoners who get more time out of their cells then him!!
He sits and looks at weird shit on Youtube, conspiracy theories and is convinced everything is real. He only eats food that's cold, can't eat meat that not semi-pureed - any sort of texture he just spits it out.
He gets this crazy obsessions and goes on, and on, and on about things again and again until I want to strangle him. Even his Father struggles to cope. When goes in the shower he takes over an hour, uses all the hot water and still 'forgets' to wash himself.
He has no friends, gets bullied mercilessly (his BM tells him it's because they are jealous of him - no, it's because he is a freaky little jerk!!) He recently joined Facebook even though all parents told him he couldn't, then started stalking this girl - it culminated in him telling her he hoped she 'got raped and died in a fire'.
This boy is seriously disturbed, but what really gets to me the most is his eyes, they are dead. He just stares and there is nothing there - kinda like a serial killers. Freaks me the fuck out. Anybody else have anything like this?
cut his access to the
cut his access to the internet then.... that's all I've got.
Smart house. Password
Smart house. Password protect the internet. End of obsession with it.
Stay the course. Get him some professional help.
My SS14 is also on the
My SS14 is also on the spectrum. One big thing is they do not have any concept of middle ground/moderation/self-policing...if you will. Internet is a no-no. Girls here that know my story but suffice it to say that he should never ever be on internet alone.
They need structure, structure, structure. They seem to all love sitting in their rooms and Youtube. Very common thing, my SS does it as well. Structure means times showers and supervision/assistance until he can actually wash properly. Everything they do (and most of the time they don't want to do anything!) needs reminding and supervision and explaining.
They need a lot of supervision and consistency and it doesn't seem like he's getting any. Everyone says that Aspergers is a "mild" form of autism but that couldn't be further from the truth. These children need constant guidance and direction as they lack basic common sense and life survival instinct skills.
Seems like everyone involved needs a lot of extra support to learn how to help your SS. How is the BM? Does she parent him with guidance? Does he receive therapy and extra help at school? Does he have an education plan? Does your DH understand what to do? I only ask because 1 hour showers, unsupervised internet and letting him hole up in his room aren't going to be productive.
I hope there are plans in place or DH at least is going to research what to do that will help and benefit his son. It really is a challenging road and hard work but it can pay off if done right. Good luck.
^^This^^ Sounds as if both
^^This^^
Sounds as if both you and DH would benefit from more education regarding Asperger's and effective parenting skills for a child struggling with these issues.
Having him only on weekends,
Having him only on weekends, you are not going to change him. His BM who has him all week isn't doing anything, so even if you try. There will be no reinforcements. Cut the Internet, and let him entrain himself. Don't set yourself up for hurt
His food issues are not
His food issues are not stupid. For someone with sensory issues tactile sensations can be a big deal. He needs help to learn coping strategies.
My brother used to spend
My brother used to spend hours in the shower. We got into the habit of turning off the hot water about 10 minutes in, and he just thought we had a small tank. Never did figure it out even though everyone else in the family was in on the plan. I used to laugh at the cursing when he got the cold water.
BM and DH are really burying
BM and DH are really burying their heads in the sand with this one. I've spent hours and hours researching Spectrum Disorders etc and how to get him and us proper support (like I would do if it was my DD in the same boat.) But they don't seem too fussed about taking anything further.
So I have decided to disengage, I've just attempted to talk to DH one last time about it and he started getting exasperated and shut down, BM is a headcase who drank constantly through her pregnancy whilst carrying SS, no chance in any sensible dialogue with her, so I'M OUT. I do have full control over our internet though }:)
I do find, however, when I disengage with his smelly skids, he really starts disengaging with my bio-daughter and he is her main carer as I work full-time. So it becomes a very difficult dynamic - stupid blended family. I have to keep trying with them or he stops trying with her, it's like some hideous emotion blackmail.
This really sounds like an
This really sounds like an unhealthy environment. Is there another family member that can watch your BD? If your DH can't be arsed with his own bios, pretty safe to say he doesn't do much for your bio either. Lazy parenting at it's finest.
My 13 year old SD is the
My 13 year old SD is the creepiest thing on the planet! She freaks me out to no end. She will lurk around corners and watch TV secretly from the hallways, or end up standing WAY too close to you and scare the life out of you. It's the strangest thing ever.