Toxic MIL and ex wife
My OH has had issues in past but it has taped up again. For context we're a blended family 3 his 2 mine one ours and married. His ex wife is extremely manipulative and toxic and persistently brainwashed kids etc. they have a court order for contact. Any additional time for occasions or to include steps etc is refused 95 percent of the time though he persists in asking and keeping the children at the centre.
fast forward 5 years of hell. MIL is complaining to spend more time with kids. OH asks often and is often met with refusal. Just recently MIL has taken to communicating with ex wife and making her own plans. This means she's will happily dictate a babysitting schedule to her but still refuses contact for OH. They had a big arguement few weeks when he asked her not to communicate directly with her given the circumstance (they use a coparent app to share info and even that is still strained). He also asked ex not to contact his mum.
This weekend she finally agreed to a night with MIL. Our son went to spend time with them too. By the time he was going to see them the next day MiL had already taken one child home and was adamant she was taking other child home soon without him having chance to see the children. Arguement resulted in front of our 3 year old son. Then sister in law phoned Oh ans said our baby was being dropped to her and never visit his mum again....
I messaged to express that my son won't be part of the chaos and she is hurting her son by ignoring what's happened to him etc ans she basically told me it's nothing to do with me. Obviously I'm not happy to have my son there if she is going to trample all over his peace. He doesn't see arguing, fighting etc and the thought of his weekend being organised by nasty racist ex wife is too much.
has anyone had to handle a MIL who cuts out OH and essentially our family expectations? They have fallen out plenty like this before but I've never had to step in and tell her my own son won't be engaged in it. We've worked very hard to blend our family and this is a step backwards imo
I would probably decline
I would probably decline having your child stay with MIL. It sounds like it is too problematic. You can't blame her for wanting to spend more time with her other grandkids.. since his EX has not offered your husband more time.. and I'm guessing that your husband isn't able or willing to share the time he gets with his mother.
Let mil work out allll the
Let mil work out allll the visitation plans as she want to with bm and DH kids.
But as far as YOUR child visiting meddling, manipulative granny I would say...NO, maybe when he is much older, such as age 10 or 13 but until then, you can see our son when we get together
DO NOT allow her or dh try to make you feel bad IF you do NOT allow sleep overs or alone time with Granny.
Something tells me that Granny needs a hobby.
Short story tell her to buzz off, she will not see your child unless YOU are there.
As long as MIL is not
As long as MIL is not impinging on DH's time, I think he should let it go. DH's court ordered time is his, and he does not have to share it with MIL. Once BM realizes that DH is not taking her disrupt bait, I predict MIL's access to the kids will disappear. (Unless BM has lost all her other sitters.)
As for your joint child, he can see MIL.when she comes to your home.