The reverse can also be true- I did so much for my grandskids when they were small, but as they grew older and more like OSD I grew to find them frustrating and entitled to everything their grandad could buy for them. I realised then that I had to disengage as I couldn't bear the pantomime. They were not bad kids, just grew up in a seriously dysfunctional family.

You are learning that whatever role you play in these families, it will never be the right one. Sadly he refuses to confront her- thousands of times that happens with these men. I am sad for you both, but he has made this relationship with his daughter and only he can fix it. It is difficult- I have no solution.

My DH's adult children also use the Gskids as bargaining chips to entice DH to visit them. DH doesn't usually fall for their tactics, especially when they purposely exclude me.

Sounds like your DH should grown some and flat out let demanding SD know that he will not be visiting her and gskid unless you are welcome to come with him. After all, you are his wife. 

Ahhhh the old use the Grandkid move. So sorry your go thru this experience.

In order to keep peace in your marriage (NUMBER 1 in my book)...let your husband vist sd and grand kid as many times as dh wants to. IN fact be sure to send a gift for the grandchild along with DH. Maybe a new play outfit?  IF dh wants to give a toy he shoud check with sd first. Always aways ask the parent of the child first.

Have it wrapped super cute. The reason for this is SD can complain all she wants to EVERYONE but she cant lie about the fact you sent a small gift. She looks like the ill mannered daughter.

Tell your husband to have a great visit and you will have his favorite cocktail ready for him when he gets home.

I am sorry your hurt.  You dont want to go anyway where your treated like dirt, right?

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**my bio who is married with 1 child tried to pull a stunt saying IF we would not babysit "I guess you wont see your Grandchild again"...I had a decision to make,do I cave to the demands, melt and plead to see my Grandbaby (UGGG hate that term) or say OK I guess we wont see our Grandchild again. IT took me less than 1second to figure that one out.

What do you think I said to my own BIO? I said "Ok, I guess we will not see our Grandchild again"....The reset button was hit and my bio remembered we are their parents (still)  AND dont ever try to play that game again because I will walk away. I "we" will not be manipulated by anyone. Especially when a child is involved.

Little different from your dh OP, but never the less it is about respect. Your husband should have set the record straight with his daughter a long time ago.