whats really going on?!?
So as I sit back and really question and reflect on what I am trying to be as a "stepmother" Im not sure what I am doing anymore. Most of the time I DONT want to be a stepmom to some other woman's kid!! It is kind of repulsing and disturbing to know that BM was quick to "pop" out a kids but refused to "man up" and be responsible and provide for the kid(s). So now I feel like Im almost obligated (for DH's sake) and try and "help" the kid. I know that most of the time a kid will most likely end up very similar to one or the other parent...well I HATE BM and her baby-mamma-drama...so she alone makes me want to get away from DH altogether! I really love my husband and want him but I dont want anything else that is not physically attached to him, therefore I find myself questioning our marriage a lot (quietly/in my mind of course). DH is great with MY 2 girls. And when the issue of how I feel comes up he tells me that he loves my girls and he dont feel like I feel about his daughter towards my girls. But I tell him its cause my girls are not disrespectful or conniving, and that they embrace his role and authority as their stepfather. A part of me really wants to love SD and the other part simply doesn't care! I am very confused as to what I really want for my future? Do I love my husband ENOUGH to deal with SD and baby-mamma-drama? Who and what am I trying to fix/help? Am I simply being selfish and not understanding enough? Whats really going on?!?!
Does anyone else feel like this or has felt like this? What did you do?
^^^^^^^^^^This - I agree
^^^^^^^^^^This - I agree 100%. Same situation we're in right now too. SD14 thinks BM hung the moon and her father and I are just horrible, awful people for trying to educate and discipline her.
I've disengaged and it's the best feeling ever!
I have considered disengaging
I have considered disengaging myself from her permanently. In fact I have told her that my obligation is to my husband (her dad), my vows were and are to him and him only and did not include her!!! If she is going to react and treat me like im nothing to her then I will simply stop trying and disengage from her all together. DH was literally sick and cried when I did disengage from her for a week...i hate to think what he would go through if I permanently disengaged!? She did notice my complete lack of acknowledgment to and of her, needless to say she apologized and also cried and told be she wants to be a happy family and she wants me to be her stepmom. I simply dont believe her based on her continued actions and disrespect. :?
I agree too- but one thing
I agree too- but one thing that I'm stuck on is this
I have disengaged with SD15 we don't talk, she doesn't come over anymore etc. It's been great. She cancelled her birthday right before we were leaving to take her out bc I was going (she knew that, she jus used me as a scapegoat bc she was geting drunk at the beach with her friends we found out later) WE don't say happy birthday to eachother, I refused to get her shit esp after that.
My FDH gets my daughter gifts pays for things etc. When christmas rolls around, I haven't decided how to approach this issue. I don't want to get her shit. We have nothing to do with eachother and she's told his family she hates me and I ruined her life. I'm not wasting a penny on someone who feels that way about me. BUT my FDH is very generous with my daughter who isn't perfect either.
How do I go about buying gifts on christmas for veryone BUT her? My FDH is going to be upset if I leave her out even though he knows the situation he is going to look at it as I'm being mean or immature. How would you approach this issue?
p.s. Her dad and I are the biggest pieces of shit and says we drink and party all the time so she doesn't want to come around......liar
Her mom is the greatest bc she lets her do whatever she wants
goingcrazy, you make a very
goingcrazy, you make a very valid point. During Christmas for 2 years in a row when SD lived with her F'd up BM I simply didnt buy her anything. I didnt bring up the issue and when SD came by the house to "say Merry Christmas" we simply told her "oh we didnt know you were even gonna come since you hadn't come by so "we" didnt get you anything! but thanks for coming, how have you been?" It worked for me. would maybe tell FDH that a card with maybe $50 would be reasonable since she has a bad attitude and talks a lot of crap on y'all, why invest so much when she is unappreciative anyway!?
He spends about $300 on her
He spends about $300 on her atleast, I bought her my own gift last year before things got really bad, I got her a $50 giftcard. All the kids spend xmas eve with their mom and xmas morning with us. A sleepover and all so it is totally expected she WILL be there. I spend $50 on her sister and buy her kids (grandkids) gifts as well so it would be super obvious.
My FDH have a very open and honest relatioship and if push comes to shove I guess I will just have to tell him? Idk, he's already hurt by the situation and he's such a great guy. I don't want to go against what I believe in but don't want to pour salt in the wound either
I dont like my BF's kid
I dont like my BF's kid whatsoever so I never have and never will buy him anything. That is HIS parents job/responsibility, NOT mine. Period. And I dont care what HE thinks or what anyone thinks for that matter.
Thankfully, I have a great BF who understands and accepts my feelings towards/about his rotten spawn.