is it possible to block out the BM?
:O
QUESTION: Is it possible to block out the BM? And if so, how?
Now, I know it isn't possible to completely not deal with her, but when she drops him off in different clothes, how do I not ask for the ones I bought my SS4 back? And the dinosaur socks? They were a gift from my parents. She legally has no right to change his clothes (my DH has full legal and physical custody, BM only 5 hours visit/week). How do I not ask for them back? Because today when I did, she claimed her 4 year old was wearing dirty socks and he might get athletes foot. OMG really? I said he's a kid, kid's play at school. And she basically called me a liar!!! What?! I am the one doing his laundry and dressing him every darn morning and working a job so I can feed him and where is she? Oh yeah, I forgot, the state REMOVED her child for abuse! And I'm not caring for him up to her standards?! What do I do?! How to I NOT engage in her childish insecure arguments!?
Ask her to bring over an
Ask her to bring over an exchange outfit to put on your stepchild when it's time for her to pick her up.
I had the same problem with BM2. She's just a total jerk all the time. Does anything she can to make life difficult, even though she contributes nothing whatsoever to SD8. We have full custody, she has extremely limited visitation.
So we just have exchange outfits. I sent SD8 over in school clothes a few times but got her back in rags 2 sizes too small, and stained. It was annoying because I have to drive an hour to pick her up, and her being dressed like a pauper makes a situation where I can't pick her up and then take her to do anything, like eat dinner, etc. Plus her mom won't shower her the whole weekend. It's disgusting, because SD8 still wets the bed at night. Here she showers every morning.
Or, don't send anything you
Or, don't send anything you wouldn't mind not getting back.....
We have the same issue with
We have the same issue with the clothes. Just recently, BM took SS6's new school shoes I bought him. They were the velcro strap kind... she sent him back in old shoes with laces, which aggravate him when he's in a rush. She refused to bring them back (along with his brothers favorite shorts, which she kept, too). We happened to have a school meeting a week or so later and she brought them to that, (but not the shorts).
What pissed me off about it was that she kept the shoes because SHE didn't want him to have 'laces shoes'. When it was time for her next weekend visitation, I asked him to put his 'laces shoes' back on and he looked at me with fear in his face and said 'But mama's gonna get mad! I can't wear laces shoes to mama!' I told him that if she gets mad, she can get mad at me and not him. And I let him know that mama can buy some shoes she likes for him, for her house. I didn't want to sound mean to him, but I'm not going to give in to her either. And she will not run my household, or steal my kids clothes anymore!
When biomom's mother bought the kids new school clothes (school was a whole 'nother story. But the judge took care of that one!), BM told the kids they HAD to bring these new clothes back to her. They see her every other weekend. But mom doesn't want them to wear HER clothes when they are here. Or whatever.
For the longest time, I told my husband that he has to send the kids back with the clothes she sends them in. He'd send them in nice clothes, new clothes, and they'd come back in clothes that were sometimes up to 3 sizes too small!!! And she'd send them to school in that crap!!! He finally saw that she was draining him financially through these games, and began to send them back in the clothes she sent them in. It broke his heart, it was so hard for him to do. But she got the picture.
And we still send them in clothes she sends them in, when possible. I bought my SS new shoes because it looked like BM's dog had gotten ahold of one of the shoes she was keeping. However, biomom will not see these new shoes, because he's wearing his 'laces shoes' back to mama.