It finally happened.. one small victory
I have felt like I’ve been fighting an unwinnable battle for years with my now-husband, stepkids father. Skids 15 & 13. I suggested screen time limits, alternative activities, sent every article I could find on how screens harm kids’ cognition. Husband took each gesture as a judgment on his parenting. They have sunk deeper into their addiction, basically walking around with their phones glued to their faces and when not doing that, eyes glued to their shooter games. He continued to assert that the world revolved around them and I was crazy for not seeing anything in them, and it was my fault that we couldn’t find a way to form a relationship, because “you’re the adult”.
Finally, tonight- FINALLY. With months of me not saying a word and no prompting whatsoever other than a conversation about holiday presents, he said straight to my face:
”My kids are boring people”.
I cannot tell you what a relief it is to hear this. He finally sees it. What I’ve been seeing all along. They are malformed, immature, codependent, ill-prepared protohumans who have no idea how to deal with what life is going to hand them.
He still doesn’t know how to fix this, and I have little interest in helping since no good deed goes unpunished.
but FINALLY.
I’m not crazy.
I was never crazy.
lol.
lol.
It's nice when they finally see it on their own. I was just posting a comment about a similar experience I had.
After years of trying to "help" and get DH to see how immature and bratty his pre-teen and teen children were...he suddenly saw it for himself when I shut up about it...like the scales had fallen from his eyes.
YES DH! They DO argue and fight constantly over the most trivial things. Yes, they DO have atrocious table manners and they DON'T know how to order at restaurants. Yes...they ARE still hitting and scratching each other out in public at 16, 15, and 13...and YES, that IS very weird.
Etc., etc.
Don't know why men are genetically incapable of listening to their wives or hearing anything we say...but whatever. At least he finally got it.
Wow..
That's a harsh thing for a parent to say about their kids.
I struggle with the "bashing" of kids on electronics. I am also overly attached to my phone/PS4 but also recognize that I have a much richer life because of it. I keep in contact with my best friend of 30 years, instantly share photos with family, look up recipes, engage in discussion with various groups about many topics: parenting, sewing, gaming, books, hiking (I LOVE hiking). Just because the water is still, i.e. the kids look like lumps, doesn't mean they aren't doing something interesting. Has your DH tried engaging them with they are doing? And yes, gaming is a hobby and a career choice. A good friend of mine designs plushies for a major gaming company. It's really cool the people I meet through them.
That's your prerogative.
That's your prerogative. Thanks for your input. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Not sure
I don't understand what you are trying to say. My post was only an encouragement to your DH to reach out to his kids and maybe engage in what interests them online. It's the same as if they had an uninteresting "offline" hobby. I think DD's Barbies are boring but that doesn't stop me from engaging and being involved in her storylines. I was trying to show the electronics use from the perspective of an adult who embraces technology and thrives in online culture.
I think the difference is
I think the difference is that you likely had a life before technology took it over. Most kids these days are raised by screens rather than parents and will struggle with reality. Nearly everyone knows a person who makes a living in the gaming world. And for each one that’s makes s living at it countless thousands of wannabes never make a penny at it. At best they may get a degree in game design and work as a DBA. If they will get off of mom’s sofa and venture into the real world at all.
The fact that a parent who
I think the fact that a parent who otherwise has defended their kid to the core regarding their video-game playing said something so strong about their own kid is proof that too much video game time can make kids boring and unable to talk about or do other things. Sorry, I just think everything in moderation, and when screen time isn't moderated, yeah, it's not good for kids. There's no reason why it can't be moderated- there are very few careers that need to be 100% your life.
Like I said
The screen time isn't the kid just sitting there staring at one picture the whole day. The internet is vast and diverse. They could be learning another language, watching tutorials, making friends in another culture, researching for homework, spreading the news about a lost child or a worthy gofundme.
I don't feel like OP's DH thinking low of his kids is a "victory" in this instance. If their only crime is connecting with their world in this way, it's not so bad. It's the way they will have to navigate the world as adults who were raised with advanced technology.
Whereas that is always a
Whereas that is always a possibility, don't you think they would at least mention it occasionally in their day-to-day conversations?
We would not allow our son to
We would not allow our son to tell us about his gaming. We wanted to hear about things he actually did or stories from his own imagination.
He used to get very frustrated with us because we didn’t care a rats ass about some WoW conquest he made and we did not tolerate his attempts to tell us about it.
A decade and more later he makes his living in cyber systems operations, has been working on s novel for years and is highly regarded in his field and recognized as a high performer by his military leaders.
He still games but it no longer consumes his life.
He cannot tell us s single gaming story from his childhood but can tell many stories and about countless memories of camping trips, international travel, fossil hunting trips, swim meets, drill team nationals, getting stuck in the desert in s bus after hitting a herd of wild bores on a buss during the height of swine flu, etc...............
The cyber environment is a tool not the world. Those who can only function in cyber space cannot function in reality.
My kid has thanked me for forcing him to use his own imagination instead of paying to use some programmers imagination, how to analyse and solve problems instead of just searching for answers on the Google, and how to enjoy reality instead of losing himself in a fake environment.
Sure, some kids use the cyber “world” to connect and learn. However must are addicted to fake crap no less so than they would be to crack.
As an engineer I appreciate technology as a tool and have developed a number of technology based tools in my industry. But none of those tools do shit without knowledgeable people applying them.
I like the power and innovation that technology represents. I detest people without the character to manage it in their lives. This is why when he was in 6th grade we got rid of all gaming systems in the house and forced him to read and pursue actual adventures. He whined, cried, bitched and moaned but he developed into a man of character and standing in his profession and community. I never tire of talking with him about his work and the things HE has actually done.
It can help perform miracles but it is a double edged sword.
Kids want to
Sit around play video games and be waited on. How do you cange this after years of doing this. You can’t. Unfortunately these kids will be like,this there whole life. So they will be living with someone .?????
SS12 went into the bathroom
The other day SS12 went into the bathroom and pee'd while holding his phone and watching a Youtube video the entire time.....
My SO gets defensive too if I talk about too much screen-time or send him links to anything about screen-time (I did ONCE and you would have thought I told him that SS was going to grow up to be a serial killer). I have let it go, but he at least has limited it, kind of....he can't play video games until 5pm on school nights and it ends at 9pm (That's still FOUR hours of straight video games!), but before and after that he gets to use his phone. It's unreal. Whatever, I have his best interests in mind, but now I just look at it as, SS is out of my hair and it's one less kid I have to deal with.
Recommandation
AngryRainFrog - Can you pleeease recommend us some articles about screen time harm? the ones that you found most interesting and informing.
We want to give one to our SD (10) to read it. *biggrin*
Thanks!