Issue with SS11 hygiene - vent
Newly married here. I've got four step kids, SD13, SS 11, SS9, SS4 and two of my own of which I have shared custody, BS13, BD10. Growing pains all around which is to be expected, however, SS11 has really struck a chord of mine with his poor hygiene.
Here is the deal....The kid has issues with wiping himself or pooping his pants, I don't know which. I noticed this pattern of his before I got married and DW brushed it off and said that she would take care of it. When it kept happening, I suggested that I speak to the boy but DW felt it would be too embarrassing for him.
I'm a bit of a germaphobe as it is, and this is definitely not helping my transition with the new family. Last night, a chunk of turd fell out of his pants while he was walking in front of me. He then stepped on it and of course smeared it into the carpet. I just about hurled. He is 11 years old for crying out loud! Granted, he does have ADD/Aspergers but still, I can't believe that at 11 years old, he doesn't know how to take care of his personal needs. The kid is very bright so it's not an intelligence issue.
I don't know how to breach this subject with my DW and/or SS. It makes me not want to be around him or for that matter, anywhere in the house that he has been. He is starting the sixth grade in a few weeks I'm certain that his peers will be less forgiving of this issue than I am. For his sake and for the sake of having a sanitary home I need this dealt with now, not later. Anyone have any ideas how to handle the situation? Punishment, reward, banishment 
?
This is PROBABLY related to
This is PROBABLY related to the AS...developmental delays, which mean that although in some areas they do great, in others they are way behind...it happens. It sucks. Believe me everyone tells me how my son is "normal", yet he was not potty trained until 5!!! sigh
The best advice I can give you is to have your DH talk to him, possibly get him son "boy's growing up books", as there are things that just won't click with him unless he reads/reviews many times...and buy WIPES. They have the regular bathroom wipes vs. the baby wipes. I had to have my son use them everytime...it helps greatly. It might be related to poor motor skills, etc...sigh...Good luck. I know it sucks for ME as a BM, I can't imagine dealing with it when it is not your own child. But please know that again, odds are he is NOT doing this on purpose, but that truly he is delayed in what he can do in some areas, although extremely bright in others.
Jeeze I can imagine having a
Jeeze I can imagine having a kid smelling of fecal matter walking around ones home.
Have you tried bribery? I remember one of my boys wants to go camping along with me and my oldest boy. I told him there were no lights at night while camping and if he wanted to go he would have to stop using his night light. He did it and on the next trip he was along.
It's definitely not motor
It's definitely not motor skills although perhaps you are right in that it is related to AS. What I don't understand is how he can be okay with sitting in his own feces all day. Regardless of being related to developmental issues or not, I simply can't tolerate the behavior. I think a reward/punishment system is going to have to be put into effect immediately.
Orange County, nope I've not tried anything yet. We are only about 10 days into the marriage so we've had bigger fish to fry and I've not wanted to embarrass SS11. But like I said, I leaning towards getting this sorted out sooner rather than later.
Thanks all, for your input!
My son has Asperger's but his
My son has Asperger's but his malfunction was always having to be reminded to brush his teeth in the morning. He's "rule boy" so I've actually gotten to the point where I say "The rule is..." and I've gotten 100% compliance on whatever I've mentioned. No yelling at all.
But yeah, DW needs to be on board with this.