I have been married to my husband for over 3 years now. We have two children together and one on the way...He also has a 7 year old from his first marriage and his ex wife is nuts!

Slight background to get to present day. I have been in his daughters life consistently since she was barely 3. BM tried for awhile to be BFF with me as was her custom with her ex husbands new gf's. This woman cheated on him. At the end, He was deployed to Iraq and she was married, engaged to another marine, living with another as bf/gf and had another as just a friend with benefits. Sorry but she wasnt my type of friend here. Once we got married, she went bizerk. Got his ex gfs to start stalking me and leaving notes that he was abusive and our son was a bastard cause I was really just a ho...to the point where I had to take out restraining orders...You would think it would run me off but it didnt. She goes back and forth between being super nice to horrid to creepy (she has copied every hair cut and color I have gotten in the past two years.)

Obviously we are trash talked at home to my SD and so it has always been a challenge when she came. ESPECIALLY once we started having kids. Her mom tells her daddy left her and found a new family. We had some behavioral issues but could usually work it out by the end of the visits. About a year ago, SD was diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers. I am very familiar with this as I had worked in Special ed. for the past 8 years so no big deal...and she is VERY smart with the aspergers being so minimal it would be nothing to manage with the right environment. But her BM thinks this is funny. The things she says and does are funny. And has now escalated into lying, violence, disrespect, manipulation, etc. She is a clone of her mother with out a sensor.

We recently moved to be closer to her and see her more...
Since then,
SD has been told that I hate her. She is never to call me mama again (BM new husband has been called daddy along with every other guy she dated and even got SD name tattooed on his arm even though her BD is in the picture and active) nor am I allowed to do her hair because I make her look ugly. She gets put on diets every time she leaves our house, She is to act like a guest at our house except that I am not her mother so she only has to listen to her BD.

Here is my selfish rant. This woman would call at 2 in the morning begging me to come pick her up because she cant take care of SD anymore! Then call my husbands command saying we kidnapped her! I buy her clothes, give BM gas money (yes ME!) and I mean nothing to this little girl? THIS IS MY HOUSE! I am the MOTHER, my husband is the FATHER! PERIOD! Every girl dreams of having a family of her own but I chose to share with his past. I will be DANGED though if I allow a 7 year old little girl to come in and dictate how my home is run! And there is my crazy making problem. Am I allowing the anger and frustration determine how I treat my SD? She is not allowed to be alone with my kids because she tries to get them to do things that will hurt them (like jump off 2nd floor balconies)she lies, she mouths off...and I know its her mothers doing but to me that doesnt excuse the behavior. My husband doesnt quite know exactly where he stands in all of this because that is his first baby girl.

I know in my head that his ex wife is a nut and she is enjoying this all way too much...even trying to split us up if she can, but I cant fight a grown woman that acts like shes 12 through a 7 yr old. Its driving ME crazy! Almost as crazy as I think she is? Any input would be welcome!