"Can you give me a ride to school?"

Forums:

It's DW's ex's week, though AS USUAL, the SKids SMom drops them off at OUR house instead of at school. It's cold and rainy, but this is what they do... I have my doubts about what I'm being told by the SKids, so I'll be checking on it, but still...

This morning, I was making my lunch for work, and SS13 came into the kitchen, said, "Java, can you take me to school?"

"Why?"

"Because it's cold.

And it's rainy, and I can't let my instrument get wet. (she's in band)"

"Hmmm... Why didn't your stepmom take you to school?"

"Because she has to leave at 7 and the school doesn't open till 7:45 and we can't stand around almost an hour in the cold rain."

Hmm, I thought... Why doesn't your dad figure out your eating and transportation arrangements on his week? So I said, "Ask your mom."

She asked. DW was in band and knows this stuff, said, "Your instrument won't get wet as long as it's in its case. You'll be fine. Get a raincoat, and you can use an umbrella."

Haaaaaaa...

Again, I would be fine with doing it, except the following:

She didn't say please.
She throws in the sob story and tries to blow an emotional excuse up to make it seem like a big deal when it's not.
It's not our week, it's her dad's week - and she needs to look to her dad to be the transpo-king.
I'm not a parental figure in her life, per DW's request.
These kids don't do ANY favors for me, so I've STOPPED doing favors for them - and this was a favor (NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY).

Was a GREAT morning at the JavaHouse today!

Disengaging

101

Nailed it!! WHY isn't your DW

Nailed it!! WHY isn't your DW telling BD that he needs to figure out transportation on his weeks? Since when do you just get to dump skids off at the other house and let them figure it out? Nope. Nope nope nope.

I get your frustration, but...

We're in a situation with the SKs that BM and we are in different school districts. The bus doesn't pick up from our house and it's well too far for them to walk, so they often get dropped off at BM's to get the bus to school--especially SD, whose school doesn't start until well after 9 AM, and kids can't be dropped before 9AM. So as much as DH would love to be transpo-king, his options are somewhat limited. He moves heaven and earth to be there after school on his days, though.

You had the child go to its mother for resolution. That's the best thing you could've done. Your wife didn't cave to the skid, so +1 to your team. The other stuff, I think you have to just not even care about it. Skid needs to check with its BM and not with you, and that's what happened, so YAY!

This is basically us.

BM is my DW.

SKids' SMom drops them off at 7:15, and they have about 30m with us, so they have breakfast with us. Yay, BioDad doesn't ever pay for breakfast, except four days out of the month. The SMom could drop the SKids off at 7:20 and let Thing 1 and Thing 2 stand outside the school 20 or so minutes, but that isn't what happens, for reasons I'm not clear on. DW keeps covering for them, so I suppose she likes that? IDK...

So we host breakfast basically every school day.

Then the SKids get out of school, ride the bus to us, and BioDad picks them up *whenever.* He's off every other Friday, too, but still, waits till he's ready. He usually shows up 5:30-ish, but he has been pushing it later and later... last night was almost 6:30. And because he serves dinner at 8pm, these kids come over, STARVING, they eat an early dinner with us much of the time.

So we host dinner, too, basically every school day.

I've told DW that this is all stuff her ex needs to address, and while I love her and have her back, I can't have him and his new wife's back, too, even if it's indirectly... it's just asking too much.