My ss4 goes to his grandma's house atleast 4 to 5 days atleast twice a month it used to be whenever he said he wanted nana. this summer since my kids were with their dads he went to nanas house every week for about 3 to 4 days and even some times my husband would go to my mil's house to pick him up and he said he didnt wanna come home yet and throw a fit and shed just let him stay longer and give in to him crying. and now a days they intentionally have him stay over her house for almost a week because they know if its shorter than 5 days or whatever how many days he asks for he throws a fit and doesnt want to come home. and on top of that she spoils him rotten obviously theres no boundaries there he eats whatever he wants whenever he wants doesnt take baths will stay in pjs for 3 days at a time throws tantrums and gets away with being disrespectful. Dont even get me started on when she comes over to my house ...thing is is that because bm is a bm when its convenient to her my mil raised ss from when he was a baby till 2 almost 3 after that i had him...so when shes over my house all of our rules goes out the window well pretty much my rules that apply to ss because nobody ever disciplined him EVER. Mil always says and makes it known that whatever rules i have in my house she doesnt do that in her house so there were tons of confusion...another thing about her comming over my house is that she barely does and the only reason why she wont come over my house is because she doesnt want ss to see her and want to go to her house and if ss wants to go my bs6 wants to go to especially on weekends and she only takes him because shes trying to prove a point that she doesnt wanna play the favorites card not because she honestly wants to. Also the 2 times that she has been to my house she stayed so late because ss didnt wanna let her go so she actually stayed with him in the room and climbed in his bed and waited until he slept which took like 2 3 hours ....ive tried to confront her about it the second time she took my bs6 because she was so flustered when she came back because their too much for her so i told her how i felt that just because ss4 cries for you everytime and so does bs6 you dont have to take them just put your foot down say no say your goodbyes and go home she then proceeded to tell me that i dont need to be having this conversation with her thats a conversation i need to have with his father and i told her i have many many times but nobody does anything about it they just continue to give in to ss so i told her i felt that i needed to tell her how i felt about the situation. she then proceeded to get emotional and started to cry and said i just made this day a horrible day and say this is not a conversation that shouldnt have happened today and just how i didnt need to discuss this infront of the kids and that i attacked her. i was just talking to her like an adult the kids had no idea what was going on until she started getting emotional. I see the way he is around her and to me its unacceptable constantly babied and everyone including her says that im ss's mommy and that he referr's me to mommy and his bm mommy stephanie like some play date or almost like an aunt so with that being said i will confront her like if hes my own i dont undertsand this mommy card everyone gives me but when its time that i act like his mommy everyones like *gasp* your not his real mom you shouldnt be talking about that and you have no say....i havent talked about it with her since and i havent sat down and appologized even tho i was telling her that i wasnt trying to make her cry or be mean i was just telling her how i felt...btw she is bipolar and is supposed to take meds but doesnt. but everytime i see her i get this vibe from her that she still thinks about that incident everytime she sees me and its just uncomfortable. end vent plz give me advice or maybe even say its part of the territory of being sm or something.