BP's and electronic communication guidelines
6 months ago my DD and SD asked me to install a chat app on their devices. They thought it would be fun to text from different rooms. The interest was short lived and the apps were hardly used. A few weeks ago I discovered that about a month ago my SD started messaging her mom through this app. When I told the girls I was going to delete the apps to free up room, SD said BM installed it and found her daughter's username so they could message when she's here.
Now, it's only three quick messages, however, we all know how these things can snowball. My DH doesn't text with his kids when they are at BM's house though he knows SD has electronics with this capability. He's never asked - feeling that it's BM's electronics, her house, her rules. When the kids are older and have their own phones - different story.
DH thinks I should delete the app, but SD said she uses it. I see it as if we delete it, SD could feel like we are trying to limit the organic communication, and in turn, don't like her mom. Which is not accurate. However, I wouldn't have installed this app if I knew this was going to be the outcome. It's not that we don't want BM to talk to SD or vice versa. It's more a matter of keeping the kids engaged with the parent they are with at the time. The kids don't go more than a max 3 day period without seeing the other parent.
Should my DH reach out to BM and ask to set up texting with his DD at BM's...knowing she's set up this type of communication for a device in our home without discussing it with us?
What would you do?
Delete it to free up space.
Delete it to free up space. That's why you were going to get rid of it in the first place.
Don't make it about BM.
It's a tricky situation. I'm
It's a tricky situation. I'm in the same boat. DH got both SSs phones so he could talk to them during the week. They never answer when he calls. One, however, talks to BM two to three times while he is on his weekend visits with us. I've told him he should feel free to call his mother whenever he wants, but in reality, it does disrupt his time with his dad and he has a tendency to call her if he doesn't like something DH says. He didn't bring his phone with us on the last visit and I'm hoping that will become the new pattern. He's definitely calmer when his mother isn't ruling him up and making him feel as if he should be anxious when he's with us.
Does she have another way to communicate with her mom if she needs to whole she is with you? If so, then I would delete the app, because you're deleting it from both devices because you need the storage space.
I would probably let it be.
I would probably let it be. Unless the communication becomes intrusive in your household.. the kid getting a message from mom while she is watching TV isn't going to hurt. Oh.. and set up a user name for DAD so that he can contact her on mom's time.
Make it a phone free weekend
Make it a phone free weekend when she is at your home. How old is this kid?
I don't see the big deal.
I don't see the big deal. Unless it becomes intrusive I wouldn't worry about it. There's a good chance they will hardly use it. There's a bigger chance that you delete it and BM tries to use it and asks SD about it. BM gets upset and cause a scene that could last for weeks. I'd just let it be.