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Boundaries

mimi123's picture

Submitted by mimi123 on Sun, 02/22/2015 - 6:59pm

Forums: 
Co-Parenting

Hi everyone, question about boundaries.
DH's ex lives very closeby. 2 skids stay at our place every other night and every other weekend. the little one often has a really hard time with the divorce. the other day when we were returning from a road trip she started crying like crazy wanting to talk to her bm. DH has her call the mom. she was crying about how she doesn't want 2 houses. she wants to go away with mommy and daddy, and that she never wants to go away again except with mommy.
Its not the first time meltdowns occur while I'm around. how do you deal with phonecalls and such?
the ex lives very close by and the times they're with us vs with her get swapped around a lot (ie, swap tuesday night for wednesday night, one weekend for the other,etc). it's convenient for the biological parents that way.
I'm becoming so withdrawn from all this b/c I often feel I'm the 5th wheel. I love DH so much, but I'm not sure how to handle this without seeming like a nag.
I believe they're really big on co-parenting in such a way that the kids don't feel the pain of the divorce so much.
does this ever get better?

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sun, 02/22/2015 - 7:13pm

the ex lives very close by and the times they're with us vs with her get swapped around a lot (ie, swap tuesday night for wednesday night, one weekend for the other,etc). it's convenient for the biological parents that way.

These kids need a more structured schedule, instead of getting swapped around whenever, because it's convenient for the parents.

They can tell themselves they are "co-parenting" but it sounds more like they are just doing what works for them, not what's in the kids' best interests.

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Sun, 02/22/2015 - 7:56pm

That type of schedule would drive me insane & i'm an adult. You need a better structure. EOW or maybe a 5-2-2-5 plan.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Sun, 02/22/2015 - 8:12pm

Every other NIGHT???? That is insane! There is no way they could ever get settled in either home! Don't they see how torturous that is for a child?

I could not even do it as an ADULT.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 03/11/2015 - 4:02am

IMHO it won't get better until your DH clearly delineates his life boundaries with his X and his kids. He needs to create boundaries so you and he can create your own life together. The BM and the Skids can't interfere with the time within those boundaries, ever, for any reason, without agreement from both DH and you. Period. dot.....

Until DH catches this clue, it will not only not get better, it will most assuredly only get worse.