Does it get any easier?
I don't have a bio kid of my own, have tried IVF with boyfriend (divorced with two little kids that live with us half the time and a few hours after school each day).
I'm not sure I can keep going and if I don't have a child I just don't have a voice.
my bf works from home so he can be with kids. for the ivf appts I was going alone most of the time. He came a few times, but hardly inquired what was going on.
he says he wants a third child but I see life revolves so much with the two he has and the ex lives closeby and they co-parent on everything.
the home I'm in doesn't feel mine b/c its where he and the ex used to live (their furniture - kids stuff everywhere) and even if we move it would be dictated by the kids school and how close the ex is.
I dont' know I can do this. does it get any better as they get older? they're adorable and really good kids. But its painful to feel like the outsider in a family when I so desperately would like a child of my own.
No... I think it actually
No... I think it actually becomes more difficult as they get older. The only way 'this' will get any better is if your SO gets better-does better, changes, puts your priorities as his partner first. The key to all of this is HIM... My advice, and likely the advice of the larger majority on this site will be to tread very carefully, and/or to leave the situation.
And, from what little you wrote here - do NOT Have a baby with this person. The crayon seems to be on the wall - he isn't taking an interest in going with you, or inquiring as to how your appointments are going.. sounds like he's not really all that excited or interested in having another baby...
thanks for you input and
thanks for you input and questions. they are helpful. I think he'd be happy to have another kid, but it's not necessary for him. that's probably why he's not so vested in it.
I've settled b/c of my age. once I hit 40 I'm now realistic. including how far I'm willing to take IVF, which is very - I'm willing do to donor egg, but I'm basically having to plan it and do it all based on my own initiative b/c he's all set w/ his kids and financially giving all he can to them.
In all honesty, and from my
In all honesty, and from my own experience, no it does not get any easier. In fact, it only gets harder bcause unresolved/recurring situations just drive you into the ground over time.
It's not clear from your post how much you have spoken to your BF about this, if at all. You say you don't have a voice because you don't have kids but that shouldn't be the case. If you're living under that roof you are entitled to an opinion about situations which affect you. I have told DH about my feelings of isolation, my frustration about lack of basic manners and courtesy in the house, and my feelings about his ex's behaviour, because they all impact on me and my quality of life.
Re your last post I would ask him outright whether he really does want another child is or doing it for you. Obviously you both have to genuinely want it for the right reasons.