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Biomom issues!

Bil123's picture

Submitted by Bil123 on Thu, 02/27/2020 - 5:18pm

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Co-Parenting

I'm unbelievably irritated with biomom, who I've never actually met...My bf of 3 years and I live together, have 50/50 custody of kids,and bf and I recently  went on vacation.  It's a trip that was planned a year in advance, and we bought the tickets 6 months ago.  A couple of days before we left for vacay, SS (10 years old) excitedly told us he made it to the school spelling bee.  The spelling bee was in the middle of our trip.  Our trip was planned for a week we knew the kids would be with biomom so it wouldn't affect the schedule. By the time we learned about the spelling bee, it was too late to change our tickets, hotel,etc.  We talked to SS and let him know we were very sad to have to miss it.  He was okay with us not being there.  He won the school spelling bee.  Of course we are very sad to have misses it and are very proud of him.  We are home, regional spelling bee is in one week.  When we asked for details of regionals so we can be sure to attend biomom told is that she is taking him to regionals and because she will be there, the two of us are not allowed to go and if we do attend, she will call the police. She refused to give details.  We got the details from his teacher, of course, and are going.  But here's the thing, in the 3 years I've been around, biomom has not gone to single function for her kids.  Not a single one.  This spelling bee is the first event bf and I have missed in 3 years.  We attend everything. Biomom however, hasn't gone to the recitals, plays, holiday programs, parents breakfast days...not a single one in 3 years.  At the last parent teacher conference, SS's teacher emailed us two days after it asking if we could help her contact biomom because biomom didn't show up for her separately scheduled conference.  We text biomom and she told us we are harassing her and her wife and accused us of trying to get details of their lives...all we literally text her was, "hey, the teacher asked us to have you contact her to set up another time for parent teacher conferences since you didn't attend the previously scheduled one."  And she totally lost it for some reason.  The worst part is what she tells the children.  SS said, "I want you guys to go but you better be careful and stay far away from myom or she will call the police.  Don't even let her see you."  I've never met biomom and I have absolutely no respect for her at this point. I just tell SS that he doesn't need to worry about things like that bc it's something for his parents to worry about.  I'm at a loss for dealing with biomom.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 02/27/2020 - 5:32pm

You can't deal with women like this, not in the normal sense. Your BF has to parallel parent. He needs to get his own information about their school stuff, just like he has his own parent-teacher conferences. Basically, go no contact with BM, or at least as little as possible. No contacting her and relaying messages for the teacher, or anyone else, they will have to figure it out and deal with her themselves.

Your step kids' BM is what is known as high conflict (apparently, super high conflict) and there is no dealing with them - no being reasonable, no co-parenting, nothing.

Good luck.

 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 02/27/2020 - 6:43pm

Why is she starting this all of the sudden? Is the wife a new partner? Seems odd that she'd suddenly start being high conflict (or has she always been?).

Anyway, yes, get all info from the school and don't let her intimidate you. Of course she can't stop you from going to events and the police will not be happy if she calls them for something like that.  And I'd tell SS that the police won't stop you guys from going to his events, not to worry about it.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 02/27/2020 - 9:55pm

Listen to SS. He wants you there. So go, and be visible. If BM calls the police, have a copy of the CO in hand and have plenty of people between you and BM who can verify that  you never were near her nor did you approach her. Do not acknowledge her in any way and for sure do not say one word to her.   Have a gift ready for SS. If she blows a gasket, then you be the ones to call the police.

To deal with her manipulative crap, have your attorney send her a cease and desist letter and in parallel file an RO/PO that will keep her away from you and make sure to ask for a no contact order. Then when you show up at a kid event.... she will be the one to have to leave and if she doesn't she will be the one frog marched off in handcuffs when you call the police.

Get ahead of BM on this and establish firm control.  Her pathetic crap should not be tolerated. She is attempting to recover her shitty parenting and gain some favoritism from the Skid.  The Skids knows what is up and has told you that he knows what is up.

So... you and DH need to own her ass and demonstrate to the Skid that you will have his back. He understands that you had the trip planned before bee was scheduled.  Do not let BM's bullshit go unchecked.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Fri, 02/28/2020 - 5:24am

(congrats on him reaching the regionals by the way) by calling the police claiming “my ex husband and his new wife are here and harassing me” when you are sitting on your own away. She gonna call the police when you congratulate her son and just calm his nerves? 

Its all about control with these crazy kind high conflict bio mums. They lack reason and common sense. You’re there to support him and she wants to ruin it and try make you look like the bad guys. Her own kid is just a weapon to use to inflict pain, not nurture. This is just typical narcissm 101.

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Fri, 02/28/2020 - 7:59pm

 

Spelling bee is a public event. You can't be bannned. Let her call the police. She'll look like the controlling idiot she is.

 

Sandybeaches's picture

Submitted by Sandybeaches on Wed, 03/04/2020 - 6:55pm

 

Operator:   911 what is your emergency

BM:            My son's father and his wife are at my sons spelling Bee

Operator:   Is there a court order of protection or a danger to you or your son

BM:            They went on vacation and missed the last spelling Bee and they are not allowed at this one

See how crazy that sounds?  However the police will show up but not to throw you and your husband out to make sure that that she doesn't go off the deep end and need to get arrested herself.