Bio Mom Drama!
Hey guys, I know you always run a risk of getting torn apart when posting to any forum, but I am about to scream with my husbands BM!! I have been with my husband for 4 years now, and I still have drama. The latest came today! Our youngest/my SS is REALLY into baseball, been playing it since he can walk. This year is his freshman year and he tried out for his schools team, he did not make it! 
My husband who was not trying to be malicious went and ordered me a blanket in his high schools colors - because #1 we were so sure he was going to make the team and #2 because I am ALWAYS cold sitting at the SS games! Well the blanket says Baseball "Mom" on it! My SS told his mom, BM about said blanket and let's just say WWIII! She is now posting all over FB, Instragram, etc. how she is the MOTHER,(classic golden uterus- but we have deal with that ALOT) the last post said "just because you married my ex does not give you status in my kids lives" she is telling people including my husband's family that by owning this blanket I am telling people that she is a bad mother! I even had one of his families members tell me I should GIFT the blanket to her and apologize! WTF!! I know this is the "judgy" part, but I spend just as much time with my SS as she does, I support him emotionally, financially, etc., I care for him, I love him like my own....just because I did not give birth to him does that make me less of a "mom." I have Girl Scout clothing that says den MOM, does that mean I am all those girls parents, NO.... Like I said this isn't the first time, one time it was at a fast food establishment and some random stranger told me that I had a good looking family, that too was drama "they aren't your family" Reactions have been mixed as to I over-stepped with a blanket (that I did not order) to total support telling me I am a great "mom" step or otherwise. Guess I just wanted to vent to a group who may or may not know exactly what I am going through... Any advise???
AT MY WITS END!
I seriously probably do this.
I seriously probably do this. Seriously, just block the nutbag from all social media, that's what I did, the less you see & know, the less irritated you will be
Ignore it, ignore her. Come
Ignore it, ignore her. Come here and vent.
No matter what you say or do it will only be fuel for her fire.
BM here got all snarky because I called myself Stepmom. She said "You had no part in raising My children. Do not ever refer to yourself as a mom of any kind to them!"
I met DH when the skids were 18 and 15.
We ignored her texts and her FB rants and changed nothing.
My skids introduce me as their stepmother all the time.
BM over here was completely
BM over here was completely bent out of shape because when I enrolled my SDs for school in our district (after it was court ordered) I listed myself as step-mother and one of the emergency contacts. She got her lawyer involved and everything. Sorry, nutbag, I am in fact married to their father, it does make me their step-mother!
You're not his Mom. You'll
You're not his Mom.
You'll never be his Mom unless you adopt him.
Meh, at least it's generic.
Meh, at least it's generic. Life could be worse. Have you seen the blanket wraps that say "Baseball Mom" then # _____ (shirt number of kid) "of __________ (kid's name)". Then everybody sitting behind you or walking by you would know exactly which player you're "Mom" of. LOL.
Seriously. Get of off social media. Why read what crap BM is rattling?
And just my two cents...Dad really should have 1)checked with his son if the "mom" thing was ok with the son, or 2)forked over for the customized "Baseball Stepmom" (yes, he really could get one that read SM).
Ignore BM. Stop looking at
Ignore BM. Stop looking at what she posts online if you can't deal with your emotional reaction to it. Your husband bought you a gift and other than that it is no one else's business. If BM thinks her title of Mom is defined by who's wrapped up in the Baseball Mom blanket then you let that define her. This is petty drama. To the relative that said you should give it to BM tell her that you won't be refitting anything your husband lovingly buys you nor would you give BM ANYTHING ever. Ignore the Whore is seriously the best phrase a stepmom can live by especially when it applies to BMs, MILs, Ex's, over grown man babies or entitled daughters. Whatever. Ignore anything that isn't seriously disrupting your life. A blanket is a non issue.
I personally let the kids
I personally let the kids decide. Neither my partner or I have made any requirements that they call me mom or even show affection so when they do we know it's because they want to. The littlest has called me mom twice and tells me he loves me. We don't make a big deal of it either way. The oldest while not disrespectful is a bit more distant but that is completely fine.
My mother was a stepchild. The biggest thing that hurt her was when her stepmother completely shut her out saying not to call her mom. She felt rejected as a 4 year old.
That's why we leave it up to the kids. I want them to bond to the level they feel is best. I may be a fool and I may get hurt latter but I'm not going to be cold to a child in my home. We also talk about mom and call her mom. Stuff like did you have fun on the trip with mom, do you want to call mom, do you want to take whatever art project home to show mom.
I know around here there's a lot of heat and a lot feel that a step parent isn't a parent but really I feel it depends in the family. So maybe check with SS. See what he thinks. Is he comfortable with you being called mom on the blanket. He might not care at all.
I know oldest would correct people at first when they would say something about me being mom but now it's seems she doesn't care what a stranger says. If it comes up I'll explain that I'm with their dad but yes I'm very proud of her too. Again I let her decide how she wants to handle things. Children are sensitive to stuff and will let you know what they think.
She is freaking out over a
She is freaking out over a gift you received from your husband? Really? None of her business and her tantrum is an indicator of how much of a waste of skin she is. IMHO of course.
Keep the blanket for when SS does make the team.
I am 100% on board with you that you are just as much a mom as she is.
Here is what I would do. Put together and Spread Sheet and Invoice for every penny you have spent out of your income on the Skid(s) and give her a call to discuss it.
Start with ... "Okay super mommy. If you were worth a shit as a mother you wouldn't need me to support the Skid so pay up on the $XX,XXX.XXK that you owe me for shit you haven't stepped up to provide. I will be adding interest and penalties until you either crawl back into your hole or deliver cash. Where were you when (recount a long list of things you have done for the kid and activities you were part of that she wasn't.) Then while she is stuttering and blustering say Buh-bye..."
Don't send it to her. You don't want to give her fodder for trolling for sympathy any more than trying to recount a conversation that is probably far above her intellect to be able to recount.
Have fun.
Don't give her that much
Don't give her that much power over you. It was a very thoughtful gift that your hubby got you. Keep it until your SS makes the team. Ignore his family and her social media. Trust me, people look at stuff like that and thinks she's a lunatic. Anyone with any sense does anyway lol . As far as you bring "mom" or considering them your kids, I get what you are saying. I've experienced the "you aren't and never will be their mother" on here and that's ok. It's also ok that you think of them as your children. I mean, you are helping raise and love a child that you didn't create. You wipe tears, give hugs when sad, listen to their problems and help them solve them, spend your hard earned cash on them, give them the most valuable thing anyone posses which is time. That sounds like stuff a mom would do. As the poster above said it depends on the family. I have friends who hate their step kids. Sounds like you have a good loving relationship with yours, foster that and focus on that. Their BM needs a hobby.
Post a picture of it as your
Post a picture of it as your background picture on FB.