Attention Issues
My girlfriends daughter is for lack of a better word spoiled. My GF and her ex-BF co-parent their daughter. The child goes back and forth 2-3 times per week depending on the week. The Dad is now married with 3 kids/step kids of his own. It is clear that my GF's daughter does not get enough attention at the Dad's house and she takes it out on her Mom. When shes with her Mom on a day that she returns from her Dad's she clings to her, there are times when my GF even (in a joking?) manner feeds her daughter food bc the child asks, the daughter spends the entire day/s with her and screams at her when my GF is 'not listening or watching' her talk. It is to the point where the 3 of us spend days together with 0 break, 0 time to converse amongst ourselves and it is stricly whatever the child wants to do is golden. I let all of this go. Its now to the point where the daughter says Mommy you dont love me anymore, when my GF and i lay next to each other. My GF and i live apart and see one another only on weekends an maybe once otherwise per week. We spend 0 quality time together. Shes often tired at nights after child goes to bed bc the child wears her out. Her daughter sleeps with her probably 6/7 nights and my GF gets no sleep at all due to this, but she fails to recogonize the reason why. She is overprotective bc she left her BF (baby daddy) years ago and feels bad for the daughter. The daughter is pretty okay with it takes in stried thus far. She is 6 years old. I get along great with the daughter. Now though its to the point where our realtionship is breaking down bc we spend 0 time together and when the 3 of us are togther my GF takes the daughters side and never ever allows me in to do something "I" want or "I" do instead it has to always be the child. Any thoughts are much appreciated. I let so much go, but only can hold so much in. I'm not a parent or step-dad yet so i dont profess to be an expert by any means, but i recogonize how the child is wearing out her mother and gets whatever she wants. I only see it getting worse and i dont know how to offer help or even how to approach my GF further on it, bc typically when i do she says i dont know bc im not a parent yet...
Why be in a relationship
When you get no alone time. What are you getting out of this ? Do you get to go away when SD is with her BF? You are not number one in your GF life.
Yes SD comes first for something's like eating, medical, education ect. Buy you should come first at night , and adult things.
She tells me I'm #2. That I
She tells me I'm #2. That I don't understand the love for a child etc etc etc. So I just go with it. When the daughters at the BFs house we do get some alone time. But rare. It's rare I come first in anything when 3 of us together it's always what the kid wants to do. This is all new to me and I just don't know how much of what she does is normal or not.
That's a child-centric
That's a child-centric relationship. In the end, it's not what's best for anyone involved. A strong, stable family is what is best for a child and that is only possible when the adults are in charge, working as a team for what's in the best interest of the child. That means the needs of the child come first. Deciding what to do at any given time, cosleeping, not having any responsibility or standards - those things are not good for a child. Neither is seeing mommy go through dozens of disposable boyfriends because she treats them like crap to cater to the kid.
This relationship was over
This relationship was over when she told you that you are #2. If your SO cannot make you the unequivocal priority then your partner is incapable of being your equity life partner.
Adult relationships cannot survive child centric, progeny worshipping from either side.
Move on. Find someone worthy of you who earns your loyalty and earns you making them your priority by reciprocating that same stuff with you.
Unfortunately i'm agreeing.
Unfortunately i'm agreeing. It is difficult to say but i dont think she has room in her heart for a SO right now or at all really. The child wears her down and all i get is the leftover pieces of what would be a good girlfriend. I get it the child comes first but where i fit in, is where i struggle with. I feel like the amount of attention to the child is so much. She tries to make up for the fact that she left her ex-bf (baby daddy) so the child gets whatever they want when my gf is with her. At this point i dont know how to fix it or what to even say to her.
Rescue projects rarely work. Particularly when the person being rescued won't get out of their own way. And by definition, a lost cause is a lost cause.
Don't beat yourself up over all of this any longer. You are not the problem.
Deep breaths, move on and take care of yourself. Don't let her or her spawn have space in your future or in your head.
Take the lesson that she and this relationship represent to heart. Avoid the relationship failure characteristics that she brought to the relationship in your next partner. Breakups can be hard. I have been through a number of them myself. One thing I have always found is that once I have moved on the next serious partner has all of the best qualities of the previous partner, none of the bad qualities, and several great and unique qualities of their own.
I have never regretted the end of a relationship though I have regretted ever starting a couple. Even when experiencing the pain of being dumped. I have always found the better result on the other side of the demise of a relationship.
Take care of you.