Where do we go from here?
Where do I start? My H and I have been married for almost 6 years and together for 2 before that. We have 4 children between the 2 of us. SD16 SD12 BS5 and my daughter who is 11. Its been rocky from the beginning with his ex always having something to say about me and H. But after a while we all started ignoring it and things went pretty well for a while. We had our occasional problems but were able to overcome them. Back in June DH and I got into an argument about what I dont even remember now. and SD 16 decided she was going to put her 2 cents in and it all blew up from there, I guess she expected her dad to let her talk to me disrespectfully which he did not. I guess in her eyes she saw this as him chosing me over her and has since decided i am mean and does not come over anymore, might I add to which her mother did nothing but encourage. For a while Neither of his daughter came over at all but a couple of months ago SD12 decided she missed her dad and wanted to start coming back (we have 50/50 time share with all 3 girls). The first couple days were awkward but we eased back into it. I overheard a conversation between SD12 and her BM where BM was asking if i was being nice and SD12 said yes and BM said "of course she is" I knew from that moment that nothing had changed.Our youngest daughters go to the same school so on the days that I would drop my daughet off I would ocasionally run into BM and she was so graceful as to flip me the bird as we drove past eachother in the school line. Who still does that at 30 yrs old? So I just ignore her but on the inside I want smash right into her minivan. Just this past week I have another issue with SD12 wanting me to take her to get another Halloween costume after I have already taken her 3 days in a row shopping and we have gotten one. So I said "no" well I guess she is not used to hearing that and has not spoken to me since and has even gone so far as to covering up my face in all the pictures in her room with duct tape. Mind you I took all of them down. I am all for freedom of expression just not in that form in MY own home. And lo and behold BM has gone back to flicking me off in the school line. I have since stopped picking her up from school and taking her to school and i will not be buying her anything for a very long time. I guess what I am trying to say is I love my husband and my family but damn I hate his kids and ex wife sometimes!!! Sorry just needed to ven!!
hi and welcome, you sound
hi and welcome, you sound tired and many of us here can relate to that feeling. keep reading our posts you will find that many of us go thru or went thru very similar things. it is quite incredible how similar the stories are. i think that we are all step parents trying to keep our marriage afloat, take care of ourselves , protect our bio kids and do the best we can with our partner's children. there is a lot of wisdom in the step parents on this site (not me really, im learning every day).
of the wise step parents here told me to read this article http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html and i did and it helped so much!!!!! I pass the advice on to you as well.
apart from the article, my personal advice is to take some space...take a couple of steps back and dont get cought fighting with Skids, trying to explain yuorself, deciding if you will or will not buy something for SD, or if you will or will not remove the tape from the pictures. just stop behaiving in the way that the y expect you to behave...the cycle never ends if you dont change your responses..if you think about it...they are setting the pace here, and you are just reacting...right?, think about it? how much importance do you give to the things THEY do? too much? how much time do you spend alone with your bio kids? at least that is how i felt before i starting seriously working on disengaging. I felt used, unappreciated and trapped in some kind of weird dynamic, trying to mather kids that are not mine...does it sound familiar? if it does read the article, drink a glass of good wine and come up with a plan to get your life back!
good luck, my heart is with yours