When to separate Bios from Steps?
I know I'm writing this with extreme annoyance right now...but I have to just say, I am SO SICK of SS11 picking on, teasing and bullying BS5. BD8 either hides away in her room or spends time at other friends' houses when they're here. BS5 doesn't quite have that luxury yet. And while we punished both boys for fighting yesterday, I still feel like SS11 isn't getting it. He's older, shouldn't the punishment be harsher, not virtually identical to that of a 5-year old? SS11 lost his computer for a week, BS5 lost his legos for the same amount of time. I don't know. I get so frustrated with DH because anything I say about SS11 that sounds remotely negative, he gets extremely defensive about it...probably because he's sick of me complaining about the kid...but by his own admission, his son is freaking annoying. He talks down to adults, and wonders why his teachers always have a problem with him. He just started a new class and "loves" his new teacher...which I take with a grain of salt. "You mean you love this teacher until you start speaking down to him, and he doesn't like it, you stop doing your homework and get lazy and your grades turn to crap, and then you hate the teacher." (This all in my thoughts...not actually said to the kid) But DH horrified me when he told me he's not a fan of another one of the teachers SS11 doesn't like..ARGH stop making excuses!! The only common denominator here is SS11, he needs his butt kicked so hard.
And it's not a personal problem. He and I get along pretty well. Maintain a decent relationship, until I offer advice on how to get along with other adults in his life that is...but it's just mild animosity if anything. My issue is this child is going to grow to be an adult I will want nothing to do with...and quite frankly, an adult DH will want nothing to do with either. I don't know how to pound this idea any further into DH's head. It's like he's just willing to let it be.
And letting it be will be just fine with me...but if that's the route we're going, I'm thinking I need to call XH and see if we can switch weekends to ease the animosity between SS11 and BS5. Thoughts?
Which is all the more reason
Which is all the more reason I think he needs some really tough love. I know he's angry, and keeps a lot of things pent up, but he needs a rattle, he doesn't need consolation. My question is would it be better for me to lay this out to SS11 myself, or lay it on DH? I'm thinking yelling at SS11 is going to blow up in my face....but laying it on DH is going to result in a massive fight I really don't feel like having.
The 5 year old is the
The 5 year old is the youngest, and acts "babyish" which is annoying to the 11 year old who will run at him, tease him, tell him "no one likes you" smack him over the head type of thing, until the 5 year old gets mad and tries to seriously hit him back, and the 11 year old gets amused and shows him who's bigger and stronger. Usually this goes on during the 5 minutes when I'm not in the same room, and I do separate them, and they are both punished. I know it sounds like basic sibling rivalry, but get the 11 year old in with the therapist, and he puts all of his anger and frustration of his life on the 5 year old, which is the real reason he does it.
I wonder if SD if frustrated
I wonder if SD if frustrated he has to share his visitation with your kid? Sounds like he's passive aggressively sabotaging it.
Okay, well, I've prepped BS5,
Okay, well, I've prepped BS5, and told him to stay away from SS11. If he's playing with SS8, and SS11 enters the room and DH or I aren't also in the room, he needs to leave. Let's see if this works.