You have his name in there.

It's time to stop having your son in the home. See him outside the home for a few hours, but no overnights - if the other son is okay, he can come over still.

This is a parental alienation case and you need to protect your wife. It sounds as if he might actually hurt or even kill her if he got the chance, and that's not a chance worth taking. I agree that if I were her, I'd have gotten a restraining order making it impossible for him to be in your home, since she's still being harassed by him regardless of what she does.

I'm sorry - I hope your son doesn't ruin his life before he grows up and realizes what his mother is doing to him, though honestly, it sounds like he inherited her antisocial traits.

I personally think you owe it to your wife to stop visitation at your home with this son.  See him outside of the home if you must, but your wife is the innocent in this, and if you want your marriage and your 2nd family to remain intact, you need to be behind her and protecting her 100%.

Best case, both boys go to a residential treatment facility or therapeutic boarding school and any CS money goes there. Or, if only one is a danger, he goes and the other stays with OP. But, even though this BM has been declared unfit multiple times, she's their MOOTHEERRR....and the judge will see that she keeps getting paid. Fk this legal system. 

what do you mean you don't know what to do?! You do know and that is why you are temporarily frozen in inaction, as its not going to be the easy route.

Neither your ex wife nor your ds16 will be happy until they destroy your life/happiness and should they succeed in detonating your marriage and you you do not return to the ex (which I believe you when you say you would not) then they will have removed your wife as the focus of their hate, however their loathing will continue so who then will they turn their eye to bullying? Your mutual kids with wife, thats who. Even if your marriage does not break down now (and it will eventually, there is only so much harassment and abuse your poor wife can amd should endure) what is to stop your ds16 from escalating or snapping towards wife and your kids together (they are after all representatives of your wife!)!!!

When is it going to be *enough*? When he actually hurts your wife/kids/you or some innocent bystander during one of his violent fits?!

You are not abandoning your son. HE is chosing to listen to the vitirol his mother is spewing vs the evidence of what you have said and how your wife has treated him. He may have mental health problems, he may be damaged from his nut mother but that does NOT give anyone the right to threaten to shoot someone and to pull a gun!! At 16 he is wayyyy old enough to know what he is doing. The fact you continued your contact weekends and allowed your wife to vacate your home to facilitate access is awful, no wonder your ds is acting like cock of the walk and being obscene on camera for your wife to see - you do realise thats because he feels like he has won?! No consequences for brandishing a gun, making threats and abusing your wife (you should have followed up on the police report and be pushing for criminal proceedings ffs!) and he gets daddy all to himself while wife and assuming your mutual kids get kicked out on those weekends. Yes, he and mummy dearest must be rubbing their hands in glee. I don't understand why you have not yet decided that your other children deserve a life where they are safe and their mother isn't being terrorised by your punk of a son? You do realise it's okay to choose to be safe from toxic individuals, they have to save themselves and it becomes unsalvagable when they want to walk down a f@cked up path. Your ds is lost to you, time to save yourself and stop sacrificing everyone on the altar of your first family.

No one is actually protecting your wife, you aren't, so I hope she leaves you if you don't stop this situation and start being a husband and father.

fyi I am a mother, stepmother and stepchild.

Your son's behavior is not normal, it is bordering on psychotic and very dangerous. I think you know this but are putting your need for him to like you over your need to protect your wife. If you do not feel your ex can be onboard getting him the help he needs then stop bringing him to your home. Make your time with him just you and him for a meal, a movie, a walk but keep him away from your home and your wife. Your son will act on this sooner or later and I think you know it. 

You are putting all of your family is jeopardy with having you 16 year old son in the home. If his bipolar and mental issues are this bad, if and when he gets a chance he will not stop at hurting your wife. He will move onto your children that are with your wife, next it will be their fault that you won't get back together with BM. You are playing a game of Russian Roulette with your current families lives. Visit with your son out of the house for a part of the day, DO NOT bring him to your home!

Yes he is your son. But I would hope that as his father you would make it clear to him that no son of yours will disrespect a woman that way and that if he is going to choose to behave that way then he is on his own. 

Obviously he has made his choice. The only thing you can do as a father at this point is to be tough and make it clear that if he cannot respect your wife he is not allowed in your home and that you are embarrassed and ashamed of him because he is not a man. No real man would be abusive to any woman for any reason.

I would also take that police report and file for a refrain from order. What that means is you and your wife can have contact with him but if he threatens you or her in any way the police can arrest him for contempt which is probably what he needs.

I have a son and the level of disgust I would feel towards him if he ever treated a woman that way would be beyond measure. 

If my SS ever thought about threatening me, he would NEVER be welcome under my roof again.  I would file all the protection orders I could to keep him away from me, my home, and my children.  The only way you can protect your wife and the kids you have together is to no longer have your son in your home.  No way would I leave my home so SS could visit.  I'd tell my husband that if he wants to see him that bad he can see him some damn where else, but not in my home.  No more overnights.  If the ex has a problem with it, oh bloody well.  She shouldn't have alienated your son from you and your wife.  You play stupid games you win stupid prizes.  

Why didn't you follow up with the police?  Sounds like it was easier for you to brush it under the rug and pretend it's all blown over.  Personally that little felon sh@t would never be allowed in myhome again...yet here you are kicking your wife out EOW so you can have your son run terror over your home.  Sounds like you care more about the money you are having to spend on CS than protecting your wife from your little felon sh@t kid.  You are just as much a part of this problem as your ex. 

Buy a taser and when your son terrorizes your wife... fry his ass.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

After  you sizzle him and he flops like a fish out of water on the floor for a while call the police and have him hauled off.  One time should do the trick.

If I had ever behaved that way towards my father's wife I would still be suffering the side effects of that choice...... 40 years later.

smh

Where are your balls man?  Why would you tolerate someone who would treat your bride as this POS 16yo has anywhere near your home, near your younger children, family or to have any place at all in your life. That you are choosing this failed family spawn over your young children and their mother is nauseating.  And ... YES, you can purge him from your life. And  you should.

Grrrrrr.

Buy a taser and when your son terrorizes your wife... fry his ass.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

After  you sizzle him and he flops like a fish out of water on the floor for a while call the police and have him hauled off.  One time should do the trick.

If I had ever behaved that way towards my father's wife I would still be suffering the side effects of that choice...... 40 years later.

smh

Where are your balls man?  Why would you tolerate someone who would treat your bride as this POS 16yo has anywhere near your home, near your younger children, family or to have any place at all in your life. That you are choosing this failed family spawn over your young children and their mother is nauseating.  And ... YES, you can purge him from your life. And  you should.

If you do not have the testicular fortitude to do that, wire the house and record his toxic vitriolic crap then all the police and review it with them.  Then press charges on the last event with the recorded proof of his crap.

Grrrrrr.

You have to make a choice: wife or kids. The minute he brought a firearm into your home and threatened your wife, any possible reconciliation was over 

You can't fix the lies in your son's head, but you can protect your wife and mutual children with her by ending visitation with your first children, or by visiting them on weekends outside your home. The eldest especially has no right to be in your home. 

If your wife were to come here, I'd tell her to leave by any means necessary because you aren't doing a good enough job to protect her and her kids. This is abusive FOR HER. Every other weekend she has to put up with the man who threatened to SHOOT HER or she can sleep in her car?

No. YOU can sleep in the car with your kids, or you can work a second job to spend a weekend at a hotel, or you can take your kids out to lunch EOWE. No matter what you do, your first children DO NOT GET THE PRIVILEGE OF COMING INTO YOUR WIFE'S HOME. A home they stole from. A home they brought illegal firearms into. A home they made violent and unsafe.

Honestly, even if you were to do this, I think your wife should still move out with your mutual kids so that your first children don't know where she is so they can't harm her and them. Your son needs intensive therapy, which it seems you didn't get for him while your had full custody. Now you can't do much of anything, I imagine for him.

I feel badly for your wife and mutual kids. She has no safe space, and no one who is protecting her. 

His bed and belongings would have followed him right out the door that very day. I would expect he has read up on the comments and has no reply because the answer it black and white or flashing neon lights.. however you want to see it.

It appears you are willing to sacrifice the safety, mental health, and comfort of your wife and your mutual children so you can keep your violent son front and center.  The kid brought illegal firearms and ammunition into the house where your WIFE AND CHILDREN LIVE, yet you believe deep down he wouldn't hurt her???  Are your rose-colored glasses prescription, or can we buy them at a drug store?  It takes only one bullet to end a life, and that bullet doesn't know or care who the victim is.

You have a responsibility to your wife and other underaged children.  YOU should be the one moving out and doing whatever is necessary to keep them safe.  They shouldn't be living in a shelter - they are the innocents in this nightmare.  

You need to find your testicles, and sort out this sh!t show.  

So your poor wife has had to leave and drag your young children into an unfamiliar residence?! Wow. You disgust me. YOU should have left, not her. Do you realise what refuges are like?!!

I have just left an abusive situation and my poor baby cries everyday for her stupid pr*ck of a dad and her things/room, she is going through hell and no doubt your kids and wife are too.

I hope she takes you to the cleaners for putting her and your innocent kids through this. After all god forbid your comfort and life be challenged.

Sorry but I am glad to see your wife has left, altho I think you should have been the one to leave, this post has me seriously worried for the safety of you, your wife and your children. Your son is a ticking time tomb. I hope she also files a restraining order against him for her and the children. On second thought, it's good she's left that residence so your psycho son and ex wife can't find her hopefully. 

Now that I know your here.. I'm commenting here while on break, working at a mental health facility. Your son needs help. Put YOUR feelings aside. Lets not even discuss your wife and other kids at the moment. 

Your son needs help.. Get him help! I seen that you are in the states.. have him committed for an evaluation that takes 2 and I am sure there is someone that will assist you with doing this in your family. Has there been any follow through past diagnosis.. does he see even a mental health counselor.. does he have a psychologist? Where is he with all of that? Is he prescribed medications.. is he taking them? Clearly they are not working as they should.. he can have a mental illness but he is still accountable for his actions and there are still consequences for those actions. His diagnosis does not define him.. he defines himself and who HE choses to be in life. 

Your right he IS a minor.. and so therefore his care falls under YOU. You need to do something. 

Unfortunately with this diagnosis the chances of him burning the bridges he has in his life are HIGH.. do not let his actions destroy YOUR life. Ultimately this mental health battle is HIS battle to live with and deal with.. but as a minor and so young to the game you at least need to get him in the right directions and if they don't work you need to be alright with walking away and attend some counseling yourself to assist you with coping with this. 

Would you like to know how many family members are still present and active in a group of 15 and most of them being under 30.. there are 6. So that means 9 other families have walked away because they cannot handle the situations. And those remaining six will probably dwindle down to 3 in the next few years as those are young 18 or just over. That is OKAY! There are groups and therapies to be attended once he gets on the right path. It's a complete process that only he is able to accept and complete and he will fail a hundred times before and if ever he gets it right. Let him! He needs to do it, live it, learn it, and know how to do right by himself, for himself.

But don't do him the disservice of being the parent that has the custody of him and letting him walk through the gates of hell without at least doing what you are able to do and that is GET HIM HELP.

If I had pulled a gun on my dad's wife, he would have blown my head off. And rightly so. Not that I would pull a gun on my mother.  

My brothers and I had absolute clarity.  Our father's wife was to be respected. Period. That she was also our mother was beside that point.

Had I had step parents, both of my parents would have set and enforced this point.  Brutally if necessary.  My USMC dad is someone not to be messed with. My 5'2" fire cracker mom is even scarier than dad when she gets her hackles up.

Kudos to your wife for loving your other kids enough to protect them from your son. I hope she fights to keep them as far from your son as possible. Which means you will also suffer and not be able to see them because you have made your choice.

For the next few years while you believe you are helping your son, and he continues to downward spiral. Because you actually are not doing anything to help him but reinforcing his bad behavior by giving him exactly what he wants control over you and your life. 

At what point are you going to wake up and realize you have lost everything for a kid who could care less about you and turns his anger and abuse onto you. 

The longer you wait to get this kid help, the worse it will be. He should be in a mental institution being diagnosed and treated or under probation supervision being forced to attend outpatient treatment.

You had the chance when he threatened to harm your wife. You had the chance before forcing your wife to leave. You could have had him arrested, taken the police report and filed a PINS on him, gotten and order of protection anything to start to address his issues and get help. But you didn't and that's on you.

I am in shock. Guess you do not love your wife and babies as much as SS.

Lets be there for the violent threatening SS16 and to hell with the traumatized wife and babies. Great.

How can you live with yourself for abandoning the victims in all of this.

If that was my son he would have gone straight to a mental health facility.

Lets hope your younger ones do not grow up hating you for abandoning them.

Omg I feel so sorry for your wife and the two babies you guys shared...she sounds like an amazing woman and you're one big coward spineless man that raising a criminal POS teenager. I'm glad your wife took the babies and left your sorry ass. They deserve way better than a that. Your son is a POS and if you still thinks he's a good kids you definitely have mental issues as well. He's 16, not 6! Stop blaming everything on his mom he's a near adult he know exactly what is right and what is wrong. I hope he get locked up soon cause he's a dangerous person that you don't want in society. You sounded like my spineless husband but at least he sent him back to his mom's when the same BS happened to me. Step kids are the worst. I honestly hate all of them, and they are usually created by some coward spineless guilty father syndrome POS like you!!!!!!! You deserve to be alone and I hope your wife and kids find a safe home that they deserve and I hope your son ruined your life. You wanted to save your " poor Johnny " and you prepare to visit him in jail.

She is a true God sent if she is taking all of this from your son. Personally, if you were a friend of mine going through this, it's time to let go. You did your best as a father and he is near 18. I would bite the bullet and adjust my finances and lifestyle accordingly to live without the money you're paying in child support until he turns 18. Then after you have that extra money, take your wife on a well deserved vacation. Whilst letting your son know, if he wants a real father-son relationship with you, you would be willing to do just that. 

My in laws had to do the same thing with both of their kids. My mother in law had to let my husbands brother and sister go, and my father in law had to let his oldest son go because of their volatile personalities. I've never met them once. It can be done. 

Your son was not "taunting" her. He threatened her LIFE, dammit. And you are wringing your hands because you don't know what to do?! 

I'd be very interested in an update, OP, to see how things turned out.