Update to DH and BM running my life- SHES HOME SLEEPING WHILE I TAKE CARE OF HER CHILD
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After the HUGE blow out between DH and me, I loaded all the kids up to go to the 8am dental appt for DD. When I drove past BMs house on the way, her car and her boyfriends car are in the driveway! So I have to lug a 3rd child to all of my bios appts bc she wants to sleep in with her man? Like seriously?! She only has her kid 1/2 the time and can't even manage to take care of him for that. I tried calling and texting DH. First I text asking when she would be home...then I saw she was home and text and called again. Well, now DH has his phone turned off! How convenient! I'm sure he knew she was home and didn't want to tell me bc then I would be even MORE right for being this angry over the situation.
Bc DH doesn't want to upset
Bc DH doesn't want to upset BM. He would rather us (well ME) suffer to "keep the peace" but hte only one at peace here is BM with all our money and apparantly an on call sitter.
I don't understand how he
I don't understand how he doesn't see that my primary responsibility is the health and welfare of MY children. If he wants me to be more involved with SS, then he needs to give me more authority and keep me involved in his life. But he doesn't....oh yes, this marriage is going to end. There is NO way it can survive bc no matter what I say or do, it ALL goes back to how SS is his life, blah blah...and he will do whatever whenever for her if its to the benefit of SS and he doesn't care what that means for his other children or me.
I'll be waking up bright and
I'll be waking up bright and early on Saturday morning with SD while BM sleeps in too. It's a lovely feeling isn't it? Knowing you are taking care of someone else's shirked responsibility?
I would have dropped the kid
I would have dropped the kid off. Immediately. You need to stop letting them treat you this way. We show others how to treat us. I know he is mad at you, but me, I would make him a hell of a lot madder until he finally got that you are not responsible for a kid that you did not give birth to. He has a BM and BD. They are responsible for him.
Yeah! I would have dropped that kid off when I saw that.
LMAO!!! This is great! I wish
LMAO!!! This is great! I wish I would have the confidence to do it bc it would be priceless! I have flat out told DH no numerous times...then he said he would find somewhere else for the kid to go but when I wake up in he morning, the kid is still here! I almost came to terms with this by time the morning came...although DH and I are still in a HUGE arguement about how SS comes before me and my bios, etc. He thinks I'm selfish, obtuse and a bitch bc I was upset that no one even asked me before signing me up for this...but I thought I just wouldn't talk to him for the day and try my best to get through it. But after I saw that she is home and he turned his phone off?! I'm so fuming angry. My DD is not his and I never just leave her. I even ask if she can stay when I run to the gas station, etc. and I would never tell him he has to take all 3 kids on a day he has plans. I give him way more respect than he will ever give to me
Remember this. Write it down
Remember this. Write it down if you have to. Because these relationships go back and forth between bad and good. I know, I've been there and it's hard to remember once things are "normal" again.
You are being emotionally and verbally manipulated and abused if he calls you a bitch when you don't do what he wants. How sweet. How would he react if you just dumped DD on him without asking? He is afraid to set boundaries with BM and he is pushing the fallout on you.
Marriage should be joint agreement. I think it's time to go to counseling and lay this out. Otherwise it's not going to get better. If he won't go, go yourself and work on your confidence.
I say this all with complete compassion as a survivor of two bad marriages and much bullying in my life. I'd try to make my points but end up caving in the face of their anger. Both times I finally had enough--once it took 4 years and the next 14. Now I have a totally wonderful marriage. They do exist. And it's not "work." It's all to do with the emotional maturity of the people involved.
What he's doing is despicable.
I think to myself all the
I think to myself all the time that I'm sure there are men out there who wouldn't do this...not that I would ever get involved with another man with children. I feel like the love I had for this man just continues to dwindle bc of the strain he chooses to put on ME for his child. I'm always being punished bc SS doesn't live here full time. Last time I checked, its YOUR fault he's not here, not mine and if he continues to treat me this way, you won;t have either of your boys full time. I just don't understand why he can't see as he is trying to make up for his failures with SS, he is failing DS and going to lose DS1. He won't go to counseling. He says I need counseling not him...which is just another huge sign to me to just RUN far far away
OMG... I feel like this would
:jawdrop: OMG... I feel like this would have been a breaking point, and I feel like if I were as stressed out as you, I would have snapped, and done as everyone else said.... drop the kid back off.... my DH KNOWS that I am very careful in this step situation (and im lucky because she is states away) but I will throw a huge stink if I am being taken advantage of.... I will keep following your story, your DH is being so unfair, and I hope that you put an end to it.
I usually try not to say
I usually try not to say anything. The last time I had an altercation with BM, she filed a court order for modification of custody. So to spare him the hassle, I try to keep the peace and just vent to friends...but this one was over the top. But I'm sure as many other SMs on here know, it is near impossible to rationalize with a guilty parent. DH even lets BM talk bad about me. She talks bad about me to him and to friends of ours. Once she was in the grocery store and completely ripped me apart to one of our neighbors! DH refused to say anything to her and I was instructed not to say anything to her. When DD's father says anything negative about DH, I defend him like there is no tomorrow but BM gets to trash my name through our neighbor stating "I need to be put on a leash" and thats ok...and apparantly I can take my leash off when she needs a sitter to sleep in with her boyfriend.
Ahhhh the old "take the high
Ahhhh the old "take the high road" (right off the side of a steep cliff)
and "turn the other cheek" or the "we're the adults here" when referencing either the skids or the BM totally getting their way.
GARBAGE!!
What this WILL do will further embolden the BM/skids to continue to push the envelope until there's a showdown.
Where SM's EVERY HUMAN RIGHT WILL be violated to such an extent that she feels like a PRISONER in her own home. . .and then biodad will *wonder* where the "old DOORMAT SM" is that he first met. You know the one that will take everything up the tail pipe and still be ready for SEX with him!!
All of this will prove to be wonderful entertainment for the BM and any of her willing accomplices (most notably the demanding, entitled skids)
Make no mistake. You are
Make no mistake. You are allowing this to happen. Do you have a job? If not, you need to get one ASAP.
This will be your life. What happens when your 1yr old is older and dad says some stupid shit like..”all that matters is SS”? What then? How will you deal with your broken hearted little kid? I assure you this will happen.
1)Get a job.
2)Save money
3) Tell you H to kiss your mother trucking ass, as you walk out the door.
4) take him to the cleaners for child support.
Good luck.
This is my plan...as soon as
This is my plan...as soon as I find a job, I'm gone!
Well, she came to pick up SS.
Well, she came to pick up SS. Not even a phone call to let me know she was coming...oh don't worry BM...Im just sitting around waiting for you to show up bc, you know, what else would I be doing?! Then she went on to tell me how she was already in contact with her daughter's father...ohhh well I guess calling him is important but me, just keep walking all over me. She also told me she had been home all morning...everything that comes out of her mouth just makes me so angry but I nod and smile bc I am a sucker. Someday I will learn...unfortunately, today was not that day so I am left to vent on ST
I agree with echo. People
I agree with echo. People only do to you what you ALLOW them to do!! Repeat as often as needed! I say this a lot btw. I learned at a very young age with my kids dad. Took almost 2 years but I finally wised up and left him.
Priceless!! I love when they
Priceless!! I love when they do that! BM gets all her weekends to herself - she has parties and does whatever she wants. While we take her Daughter all the time. We now have SD14 fulltime!! and it just keeps getting better!!
Ahhh the old "I don't want to
Ahhh the old "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c I don't want it to:"
1. affect my child
2. change custody so I'll "lose" my child
Nope. He can't have his cake and eat it too.
Time to ride the disengagement express.
Toot! Toot!
lol I never thought of that
lol I never thought of that one before...next time I will tell him he can't have his cake and eat it too. That's exactly what this is! I boarded that train until he guilted me into jumping off! I want to show support to my DH. I know I would want him to be there to help me. The difference is my DD doesn't EVER see her father so DH is it. He rarely has to even hear her fathers name let alone see him every other day of the week. I don't run around like crazy trying to balance custody, etc. I'm just tired of feeling like the doormat. I suppose it would be nice to have a relationship with SS but really its just not something I can wrap my head around just yet. He tells me how his mother is a better cook (she doesn't cook; she heats prepared oven meals), that his mom and her boyfriend have nicer cars, etc. He is always talking ab how much better they are than me. He is only 4 so of course, with a grain of salt but he knows what he's doing. He will refuse to eat my dinner and when we tell him he won't get to play, he says I dont care, I'm going to mommys house and her pool is bigger and she will give me a snack so I dont have too. And of course, BM doesn't care what happens here so he gets rewarded and theres nothing we can do about it. Being a SM really is the least rewarding title one could ever have
HA! My SD5 once tried to tell
HA! My SD5 once tried to tell me that her mooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy's tattoo was better then mine... I laughed in her face and just said "no, no its not." She said "yes, it is" and I said, "Nope." and walked away. BM tattoo is a tribal tramp stamp with MY DH's NAME in it.... Loser. Mine is a gorgeous full side tattoo, classy and beautiful.
Thats hilarious, my DH's EX
Thats hilarious, my DH's EX has this really ugly confusing "butterfly" made out of my SS's baby footprints on her back and it is the most hideous thing I have ever seen, but she is so proud of it and trys to show it off as so beautiful. She also has a bunch of little butterflys that she got at 26, tacky butterflys are something you get at 19 not 26 but I guess no one told her that. I have one tasteful tattoo, a laural wreath crown(the symbol in greek history for my daughters name) and my daughters name, its well done and pretty and won't make me cringe in 15 yrs.
Well, I have 2
Well, I have 2 tattoos...neither of which I am very proud of lol but both we done when I was very young (ie stupid). SK's must do the comparison just to get under our skin...unless they truley feel that their unfit mothers are really that much better
Lol before he was your
Lol before he was your husband, he was with her. Unless she got the tattoo after they split up, this is just petty. Kids are stupid sometimes.