Unemployed, uneducated, smoking pot 18yr old soon to be stepson-still living at home!
When my new partner and I decided to move in together, she wanted to stay in her home so her then 16yr old son could be in "his" home for his last years in high school. He has since been kicked out of high school, dropped out of remedial high school, doesn't work a regular job, doesn't do anything around the house and doesn't really clean up after himself. His sister and I now complain because he "borrows" our things. He has taken alcohol from me and I just busted him and his friend smoking pot in the house-they didn't even try to hide it! This is no reflection on his mother-her other two goods are pretty good, but their father is a deadbeat-no child support for 15 years and is a former drug addict. The SS best friend has the exact same biography.
To no surprise his mom and I fight over this a lot! BTW, I have an 11 year old son and I don't want my son around this SS-not the best role model.
I've talked to him, offered him work, paid for counsler, etc. When his mom talks/argues/makes demands, he just runs away for a few days. I'm tired of the cycle. I'm starting to hate him...pleae help.
At 18, he should get a
At 18, he should get a chance to experience the real world on his own. Give him a very specific timeframe to gather his belongings and get out of the house. BM will need to take the lead on delivering this message.
Your partner needs to firmly
Your partner needs to firmly set goals for her son to reach in order to help him transition out of the house on his own. First and foremost is to get his GED and a job.
To think that she will just kick him out on the street and virtually render him homeless without giving him an opportunity to get his life together first is really not reasonable. She also needs to set up some parameters of consequences for violating house rules. Even though he is 18 and considered an adult, he is still parking his legs under her kitchen table thereby making himself susceptable to her house rules.
When all else fails, after she has tried to get his compliance, a good dose of tough love is in order. However, be prepared for him to come back once he realizes what the real world is like.
I respectfully disagree.
I respectfully disagree. How much time is reasonable to help a child graduate from high school? If they fail classes, refuse to go, drop out, etc. Where do you draw the line as a parent? By state law (at least in IL), a child is considered an adult when he reaches age 18. He can choose to not go to school or not have a job. But at that point it is no longer the responsibility of the parents to provide for that man-child.
I do agree that parents should teach children the skills needed to succeed in life and begin transitioning them to become adults. But that should be happening all along during childhood, not when he becomes a teenager and starts screwing up.
You also make a very good point: "However, be prepared for him to come back once he realizes what the real world is like." I have already accepted the fact that my SS17 will be living in BM's house the rest of his life, because he will never be forced to be responsible for himself. It's such a pity.